


Move on (Does it feel wrong?)

by ej_snwsm



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: Alpha Jacob Black, Alternate Ending, Imprinting, M/M, New Wolf Pack, Original Character(s), Parallel Story, Twilight Universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-28
Updated: 2014-04-06
Packaged: 2018-01-10 07:48:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 81,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1156991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ej_snwsm/pseuds/ej_snwsm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Bella Swan dies in child birth, the Cullens leave Forks. Jacob is left to deal with his grief alone, blaming Edward for everything. </p>
<p>As the vampire threat is non existent, everyone, even the pack, begins to move on. Soon, Jacob is the only one unable to forget. Soon Jacob is the only one left anyway. He is completely alone.</p>
<p>Edward has to escape. Rosalie is too busy playing happy families to see how much it's tearing him inside. He chooses to return to Forks, to the place where she died, because he can't escape her ghost anyway.</p>
<p>Jacob seeks him out as soon as he gets into town. Goes to confront him, or use him as a punching bag. Either way, he's going to end Edward's life. He never expects to find a kindred spirit, never expects to be linked to Edward by a shared grief. </p>
<p>As they become friends, Jacob has to face the strange feelings that he's always had for the vampire, and Edward is having a hard time figuring out why Jacob is so different from the man he remembers. </p>
<p>Edward/Jacob in later chapters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Her heart beat once more, and then grew still. Silent.

Despite pressing hard into her chest, breathing what felt like his last breaths into her still body, nothing was happening. Bella was dead. Not the type of dead that he’d been most afraid of, but actually dead. Not I’ve-turned-into-a-creature-that-could-easily-tear-you-limb-from-limb-and-know-that-you-would-do-nothing-to-stop-me dead. Actually dead. Really dead. Not breathing, not smiling, not laughing. Jacob could feel every fibre of his heart tearing itself apart.

“Rosalie, take the baby. Get it out of here. Emmett, you go with her. We spoke about this, you know what to do.”

Edward rushed over to his side. Looking down at the body, at Bella, Jacob could feel the ice statue next to him shaking. Actually shaking. Taking deep breaths that weren’t actually going to do anything.

The other kind of dead.

It took Jacob a while to realise that Edward had come to stand by him for a reason. The breaths that he was drawing in were not the gasps of a heart broken man. Edward was filling his lungs with Jacob’s scent, allowing what he had described as a foul scent take the edge off the blood lust. Jacob felt disgust well up in him. Bella was dead and it was all Edward could do not to tear into her cooling flesh and such her dry. He had already taken everything else, why not just give up and take the shreds of Bella’s dignity as well. He deserved it. Good fight. Good fight.

But Edward didn’t stand still for long. Jacob realised that, in reality, barely any time had elapsed at all. Only the space where there should have been a single heartbeat. Edward pushed Jacob’s trembling hands aside. They weren’t doing any good.

Edward didn’t stop there. He continued to move, and through the fog that was invading his head Jacob registered that there was some order to Edward’s ministrations. He still hadn’t given up. He was going to try to bring her back.

Jacob’s ears rang as if a bomb had gone off, but he knew that all around him people were yelling. Carlisle was saying something to Edward, pushing Jacob out of the way as he went to his son. They were trying to save her. But Jake knew that it would be too late. She was dead. And not their kind of dead.

A single sound punctuated the haze that Jacob had once called his sanity. A baby screaming. Babies did that, Jacob reminded himself. And there was a dead person. This must be a hospital. That’s where this sort of thing happened. So why should it mater that there’s a baby? They belong in these types of places, right?

A dark voice growled in his head. Not this one. This one doesn’t belong on this earth. This one killed her. This one isn’t even human. It killed its mother. Kill it.

Someone yelled something, voice harshly glazing over the shield that Jacob’s insanity had forged. The screaming stopped. Or perhaps it was just further away now. 

Jacob’s rational mind made a brief comeback appearance before flickering out again. But the damage had been done. This child, this thing. It was an abomination, and Jacob couldn’t let it live. Couldn’t let it exist while Bella sat on a cold table, slowly cooling to the temperature of the metal below her.

Jacob walked out of the room full of rushing people, of yells. There was nothing that he could do. Nothing that would bring her back. But he could kill the thing that had done this to her. And one day, he would kill its father. 

He felt his shoulders drop as he slinked through the house, predator mode activated, one of the pack had once joked when they had been out practising.

The pack. Sam had been right. Jacob was wrong to have doubted them, wrong to have broken the way that he did. She was dead. He couldn’t save her.

The house was empty. Jacob slunk through room after room, hoping to find the blond bitch and the Abomination. He couldn’t smell where they were, the whole house was ripe with the smell of them and of Bella’s blood. He growled, low notes grinding out of his chest and throat, lost to the darkened house. There was no one here. Somewhere behind him, the war for Bella’s life was ending. A final battle they couldn’t win.

_They should all stop fighting_ , Jacob thought. _And join me._

No heart beat in the silence. Dead hearts don’t beat. But the child's should. Jacob had heard it. When it had been inside her, killing her slowly. While she lovingly fed it what it was taking from her anyway.

Jacob finally picked up the scent of blood. Bella’s blood. But it wasn’t from the body on the table. This blood had been wiped away, the smell of some soft chemical altering the scent slightly, just enough that Jacob knew what it was. He followed it outside, his own blood pumping in his veins, in his head.

But the faint sent dissipated out into the night. He could smell instead the distinct odour of a car, knew that Rosalie was long gone. The abomination with her.

Jacob could feel his hatred building. They had taken it away. Away from him. Away from his once chance to correct his mistake in letting it live in the first place. Bella had died for nothing. For a monster. And they had protected it. Jacob could feel the shift building up in him, running up and down his spine in fervid activity as behind him the noises grew softer. They had stopped trying then. Her heart had stopped beating too early and they hadn’t been able to change her. Not in time. Edward’s venom hadn’t taken to her blood stream. She couldn’t be fixed. Misery flooded into his body alongside the shuddering hatred. He couldn’t bring himself to be glad that she hadn’t become one of them. Even that kind of dead was better than this. She still would have been. She would still _be_.

Still human, at least physically, Jacob screamed out into the darkness. The woods heard his call, but nothing answered back. He couldn’t stop the change, not now. He didn’t want to. He didn’t want to have to go back inside. To see the only sight that might possibly tempter his anger. To see that the grief on that bloodsucking Cullen’s face would be a perfect mirror of his own.

Shifting silently, Jacob ran straight towards the trees, not looking back as he heard the house behind him fall into complete silence. Bitterly he wondered if Edward was still hoping that it had worked, that he had been in time. 

It didn’t matter. If Edward was suffering now, it wouldn’t stop Jacob from making him suffer later. 

 

*

 

Edward heard the last heart beat and counted the millisecond, the microseconds until the next one. When it didn’t come, he felt his long dead heart almost beat in panic. Jacob was still trying to resuscitate her when Edward went to stand next to him. At least the dog was good for something. Edward couldn’t stop hating the man standing behind him. His emotions were all running high, everything was magnified tenfold. His lucid mind partially understood that it wasn’t Jacob that he hated. It was himself. It had always been himself. But as the urge for self-reservation kicked in, self-depreciation went out the window. He knew himself too well, knew that blaming himself now would lead to consequences he couldn’t face while there still might be a chance. Even a small chance. That he could save her.

There was so much blood. It saturated the air. Even though he had spent so much time with her, let the scent diminish as time went on, with it covering everything in front of him he was finding it hard to concentrate. So yes, the dog was good for something.

Edward wasn’t about to give up on her. Esme, Rosalie, Emmet. They had all been broken, in one way or another, when they had been turned. They could still save Bella. If they could only keep the blood pulsing through her veins, instead of going just about everywhere else, poisoning their determination.

Jacob’s hands were resting on Bella’s chest. He had given up, and simply forgotten to move his hands from where they had been trying to coax the still body back into life. Edward pushed them out of the way. Carlisle could get the syringe, and Edward could still put his teeth on her while trying to do what Jacob had failed.

He heard his daughter crying in the background, Rosalie making small comforting noses. Why were they still here? They knew the threat of having the child in the house. Carlisle had told Rosalie to leave, but she was still here. Edward turned slightly to growl at her and Jacob was pushed from his side and replaced by Carlisle. Rosalie left. Renesmee with her.

Reneesme. My daughter, Edward thought, before returning his attention to the task at hand. Saving her mother. 

Carlisle injected the venom directly into Bella’s heart as Edward tried to simulate beating.

_It wasn’t working._

Edward could hear feel his mouth shaping the words, but couldn’t hear them. He couldn’t hear anything beyond the sickly squelch of his hands on her blood soaked skin. Below them, a rib cracked, but Edward kept moving. There was nothing that he could do to her now that would worsen the situation. There was nothing he could do to break her any further.

Edward paid little attention to anything else that happened. He just focused on the sound of his hands upon her skin and the feel of it slowly cooling.

It ended. It all ended. Carlisle stopped. They had done all that they could do. Now they had to wait. Ether it had worked, or it hadn’t. They would know in the next twenty four hours. Until then, there was nothing to do but wait. Outside, Edward heard an inhuman cry echoing into the void of space. He wished that he was free to do the same, but he had no control over his body. He was slumped into a chair, and wouldn’t move until she woke up. Because she would wake up. She had to.

Edward sat still. And he remained seated and still. The world moved around him. But Bella didn’t. Didn’t move. There was nothing that showed improvement or worsening. There was just nothing. Carlisle came in every hour, noted little things but didn’t say a word.

That was enough. Edward knew. Because his father would have told him even if there was the slightest hope. 

Edward was glad that Rosalie had taken Renesmee away.

Their home had turned, even more so than usual, into a house of death.

 

*

 

In the end, there was a closed casket funeral after all. But it wasn’t because they had to hide a new Bella from the people she had once known. Or because there was no body. The body was torn, ripped to an extent that no disease could claim. There were distinctly humanoid bite marks covering the china white skin. Bella had died. Truly. Horribly. And no one was allowed to know the truth.

Jacob seemed to remember people crying. Talking to him. Those kids that Bella had used to hang around with, when she wasn’t with him. Or the bloodsucker. Before she’d decided to get married, and try to play her own twisted version of house and happy families. Vampire style. Before the bloodsucker had sired a creature that had eaten Bella from the inside out.

Yeah, before all of that.

The vampires didn’t cry. Jacob wasn’t sure that they could. But just looking at them tore his heart apart again. Vampires might not be able to cry, but Jacob knew that they could love. He had lived with them, for crying out loud. Esme, Alice, Jasper, Carlisle. They loved Bella like she was already one of them. Jacob didn’t hate them. Couldn’t. They were hurting. The rest of the Cullen Clan were gone. Somewhere else. And the child with them.

Jacob didn’t cry. Where was the point in that?

Edward. Edward stood by the coffin. He technically had a right to be there. But Jacob resented him his position. Jacob wouldn’t blame the rest of the Cullens. But he could blame Edward. The bastard must have known the danger that he was putting her in. He must have known that there was more than a chance that this would happen. Jacob couldn’t help hating Edward.

It was all he could do not to kill the man, right there, as they all crowded over the cherry wood coffin. Just reach over and crack that cool Façade. Everyone would freak out, Charlie would try to stop him, but only until people began to see the truth. Once everyone understood just how unnatural, how inhuman the bloodsucker was, no one would stop him. No one would be able to stop him anyway. And if any of the others got in his way, he wouldn’t hesitate in taking them down too.

Jacob knew that Edward could hear what he was thinking. All of it. The darkness of his thoughts was flowing between the spaces beyond them. Jacob had developed quite the imagination, and had stocked it with a thousand different images of Edward’s death. He called them all forth now, not caring that he was giving Edward the advantage, letting him know that there was a danger very close by.

Even with the vicious images flitting across to them, Edward didn’t look up. Didn’t flinch. Didn’t move at all. More than Jacob had ever seen, the statue was completely still. Inhuman. Unmoving. Jacob knew that the man could hear him, and could only draw one conclusion from the man’s stillness. He wanted Jacob to do it. He wanted to die.

Jacob remembered the state that Bella had fallen into when Edward had left, the catatonia, the irresponsibility. And she had known that he was alive. What would it be doing to Edward, to see Bella, know that his eternal life would forever be void, because she was gone?

He still hated Edward, still blamed him for everything. He had taken Bella and broken her. He had caused all of this, he hadn’t been able to protect the one girl that they both loved, even if it had been to different degrees. 

Edward looked up and met his eyes. The white skin was shallow, sunken, and he looked as terrible as a vampire could. He was already dead, but he looked like he was dying. His eyes were a dull black, not the sparkling gold that Bella had been enchanted by. He looked empty, hollow.

 

Jacob stared back. Edward was resigned to his fate. Utterly helpless in his desolation. The look in his eyes held a single message, one final flicker of light, one indication that anything mattered except for the death of his forever. Jacob could read it as clearly as if he had Edward’s ability.

_Only me._

Jacob understood with shocking clarity. Edward would let him kill him, as long as he didn’t harm any of the rest of his family. To any of these people who had loved Bella. He had nothing left, and yet he was pleading for their lives.

Jacob couldn’t help the contempt that welled up in him. He hated Edward, and wanted him dead, more than almost anything. But he didn’t want to kill a broken man. So much had been taken from the bloodsucker that he would welcome the end of his days. Jacob would be giving him exactly what he wanted most. And Jacob wasn’t feeling very generous.

He stared at Edward for a little longer. Noticed that Carlisle had a firm grasp of the man’s upper arm. Alice was standing close by. Remembered what had happened when Edward had thought that Bella had died jumping off that cliff. The man wanted to kill himself, and his whole family knew it. They had allowed him to come to the funeral because Alice obviously hadn’t seen anything dangerous in their futures. But Alice couldn’t see Jacob’s future, nor where it collided with Edwards.

For the first time, Jacob wished that it did. That he could know what he was going to do, his own fate before it came. Because through it all, a blood-lust was aching in his lower stomach. His deepest instincts told him to give into his urge, the natural instincts of the wolf. But his mind, and his heart, was telling him that this, living without her, forced to endure the lonely, empty, unending hours, this was the real torture.

Fighting the anger and the hatred, Jacob turned and walked away from the grave site. Forks cemetery was a small place, but it bordered a wood on two sides that lead who-knew-where. Jacob was planning on finding out. No one would question his disappearance. They all knew that he needed space, needed time.

No one would mind that he disappeared, except for the empty figure who pleaded with his dull eyes for Jacob to come back and fulfil his promise. 

 


	2. Chapter 2

The house was empty. Completely. Standing alone somewhere in the woods. Jacob knew, even though he hadn’t gone back. The remaining Cullens had disappeared.

Jacob didn’t run this time. Not like before, when she had left and he was sure that she wouldn’t be coming back human.

He wandered around for a while, but he wanted to be there for others. For Charlie and Sue and Billy and Seth and all the people that the Cullen’s had callously left behind, without a single word. They just disappeared. Jacob wasn’t going to do the same.

Charlie locked himself away, shut up from anyone else. He didn’t talk or speak to anyone for a long time. Sue eventually got through to him, with Billy’s help. They had quite the family, brought together by everything that was left unsaid and unexplained. Jacob knew that they hoped that one day he would join them. He wished that he could.

Jacob shut himself off too. Once everyone else had had their time to grieve. Once no one needed him any more. He wandered around the dense forests, mostly as an animal, but sometimes just as himself. The human. He walked through nearby towns looking for something. Anything. But he knew that, just like before, there was nothing there for him. There was nothing anywhere.

Jacob continued walking. Walking, running, anywhere. Just going. Because he couldn’t stop. Couldn’t let his anger cool down. It was everything that made him. The new Jacob had been forged in the anger, the hatred.

He stopped talking to anyone. He stopped talking to the pack. Even Seth and Leah couldn’t get through to him any more. Eventually they returned to the main pack. He understood. He was unreachable. Even to his larger family, the voices inside his head.

The house was empty. Completely. The threat was gone. The vampires were gone. Without the bloodsucking menace, everything returned to normal in Forks. The pack slowly decreased their patrol radius. Jacob could tell when he would cross their borders. Their smell was still distinctive to him. When he did smell them, he would take pains to ensure that their paths didn’t cross. He didn’t want to see any of his old friends. They were all moving on. Jacob didn’t want to forget anything.

Eventually the pack stopped patrolling all together. Jacob could only guess that there had been a unanimous agreement that the threat was truly gone, not just lurking in some unknown corner. Billy confirmed this the next time Jacob visited them. It had been a year. The pack was disbanded, in the sense that they had all agreed to stop being the vigilante wolves that were the stuff of horror stories for new vampires. The Quileutes were still a family, but they stopped being a pack.

Jacob could tell, as he neared Sam’s house, that something had drastically changed.

 _It’s only been a year. Was that really long enough?_ Jacob thought.

The pack had stopped shifting. They were all truly moving on. The realisation didn’t change Jacob’s resolution. He couldn’t keep on shutting himself away. It had been a year. He needed to join human kind again. His brief visits to his father, and occasionally to Charlie, it wasn’t helping him.

He knew that the pack wouldn't talk about it. Wouldn’t talk about her. They would think that it was too awkward, or that it wasn’t their place. His best friends would know that Jacob wasn’t over any of it yet, but they wouldn’t push him to open up about it. No one would.

Jacob didn’t _want_ to join humanity again. He wanted to stay on the fringes, never truly sure whether it was human or animal that he was embodying. Maybe he had lost touch of something, but he wasn’t going to give up on the only thing that mattered to him. Killing Edward. One day he would be back, and Jacob would wait for that day. The man would be slowly recovering from Bella’s death, the death that he had led her to and abandoned her once she had fallen.

Edward wouldn’t come back until he had recovered. And Jacob would wait. He had never wanted anything in his few short years, more than he wanted the man’s afterlife. To break the man who had broken Bella.

Jacob slunk back into the shadow of the real world. He pretended that he was moving on. He pretended to be getting better. He visited Bella’s grave, taking her flowers. Soon he was the only one.

He attended Charlie and Sue’s wedding, on an uncommonly warm day. They had set an honorary place for Bella. A place that would never be filled. He watched as Charlie smiled, looking for all the world like it was the happiest day of his life. Looking like it was more than four years after the death of his only child. Even surrounded by everyone, Jacob had never been more alone.

Slowly the rest of the pack began to age. Jacob barely noticed, too caught up on things going on inside his head, the ever-growing collection of images that he had been cultivating since the funeral, to notice that the outside world was changing. It wasn’t until Sam took him aside and suggested that he stopped shifting, that he realised that everyone he knew seemed so grown up. That had been five years since the Cullen’s left Forks.

Jacob had never officially re-joined the pack, so Sam’s suggestions were nothing more than that, just suggestions. Unlike the rest of the pack, Sam had no control over Jacob. So he continued to shift. He had once told Bella that he wouldn’t age unless he stopped changing. She had seemed so put out by that, having an immortal boyfriend and an immortal best friend. Jacob couldn’t bring himself to smile at the memory.

He continued to change. Prepared himself for the return that he knew was coming. His anger made him patient, and he knew that he would willingly wait forever. Sam eventually stopped suggesting.

The world moved on around him. A new phone was released, and then another, and then another, and before long, technology hadn’t really advanced enough to justify the plethora of new models. Cars were still cars, computers still computers. Nothing like the futuristic movies Jake used to watch. Nothing to mark this as the future. But it was ten years since Bella’s death. And then twelve. Time rolled on, and Jacob stayed still.

He didn’t get out enough to arouse suspicion. Eventually Billy came to him, knowing that even with his limited contact with the rest of the world, someone was going to notice that something strange was going on. Jacob would have been happy not to care. It didn’t matter to him that he hadn’t aged. But he knew that, logically, his father was right.

“I know that you’re not going to take Sam’s advice and stop shifting. And I don’t really care. I don’t care about the reasons behind it all. But if you’re going to do this, go for this long without stopping, we have to come up with something.”

“I…” Jacob trailed off, having no suggestions and not wanting to answer any of his father’s unspoken questions.

“Jake, we don’t know what’s going to happen to you. We know that aging doesn’t start again until you stop shifting, but no one’s ever gone on for so long. I don’t want to know what’s driving you to do it. Rage can be a great motivator, but it could be killing you son.”

Jacob remained silent.

“I know I can’t change your mind. So _I_ have a suggestion.”

And so Jacob had disappeared for a while. Rumours were circulated around about Jake going off to be married, settling down with a family in some distant place. He stopped going into the community, only staying in contact with the remainder of the pack. He couldn’t visit Charlie any more, but he still put flowers on Bella’s grave, taking extra care not to be seen. The irony of it wasn’t lost on him. He was supposed to be moving on, not just faking it. They were telling everyone that he had somebody, that he had a family of his own, when in reality, Jacob had nothing. He had no family. He was completely alone.

Thirty five years later, thirty five years of wallowing in unresolved guilt and unadulterated anger, Jacob returned to the community, pretending to be his own son. A spitting image of a father that he’d never been. He even had to change his name. Not around his people, but around everyone else, he was Alec.

It had been more than forty years. Everyone had moved on long ago, leaving Jacob dark and isolated. He wasn’t the only one who knew the truth, but he was the only one who cared any more.

And still he waited. The house was empty. Completely. But one day they would be back, and Jacob would be ready for them. And he had some surprises for Edward. He held no grudge with the rest of them, but he wouldn’t be able to live again until he killed the father and the monster.

He sulked around the house, planned his strategies, two hundred different ways to get in, one hundred to get out. He didn’t really care about his own life. He could die, as long as he took Bella’s final enemies with him.

He knew that it would take time. Vampires were, by their nature stagnant. He wanted Edward to come back, but only when he was ready. When he had found the ability and the will to live again. And then Jacob would take it from him.

And so, alone, he waited.  


	3. Chapter 3

Edward had sat still for ten years and just thought about it. Thought about everything. But his whole head was just a messy jumble of thoughts, some his most not, and images and memories and sights and sounds and colours. He couldn’t make much of it out. He couldn’t tell anymore where he ended and where everything else started. He could heard people around him joking, making terrible puns about rolling stones and growing moss. His family, they could understand his depression. 

In the end there was only one conclusion. It had been his fault. Of course it had been his own fault. He had known that when he heard Bella’s last heartbeat. He'd known when she'd walked into his Biology classroom and sat down next to him. He'd known that he would kill her. He had placed her in danger, and he hadn’t been able to save her in time. It had been his own foolish and thoughtless actions that had cause her death. 

But he wasn’t allowed to kill himself. Alice, Carlisle and Emmett, all of them, had made sure of that. Any course that he might move towards regarding his own annihilation, they were already prepared for it. And then there was Renesmee. Edward couldn’t blame the child. She was so young, so innocent. She grieved the loss of her mother, more deeply than almost anyone else. Edward could see it, through his daughter’s unique form of communicating. While Renesmee would display visions relevant to the actual conversation, Edward would catch tiny thumbnails of Bella, the child’s hazy memories of being born, and the one time she had been held in her mother’s arms. Edward loved his daughter. She wasn’t to blame for the death of her mother. 

Edward’s depression hadn’t really settled in until Renesmee’s age had stabilised. They had all been worried at first, but then Alice had been able to set their minds straight, when she proved that Renesmee was not the first, and would stop aging soon enough. 

Edward blamed himself for everything, but since there was nothing he could do about that, he funnelled his grief in the only other direction that he could think of. Jacob. 

He had thought it all through. While Bella was pregnant, Alice had been unable to see visions of her future, because of the child. So it was understandable that Alice had been unable to see the accident that had led to Bella’s impromptu caesarean. But it hadn’t been until the child was removed, the fates of the mother and the child had been separated, that Bella had taken her final breath. Alice would have been able to see what was going to happen, would have been able to warn them that they had to act faster. If it hadn’t been for Jacob. Just his presence in the room, standing next to them, was enough to throw off Alice’s visions. If he hadn’t have been there, If he just had of left the room earlier, they might have had a better chance. 

In his rational mind, Edward didn’t really blame Jacob. He blamed himself. He blamed himself fully. But there was no path of action that he could take in that direction. And his who body ached for action. 

When he had heard the vile thoughts emanating from Jacob at the funeral, he had known that he deserved every punishment that Jacob could imagine. Welcomed them. It would give them both the satisfaction they deserved. But Jacob had only pitied him and walked away. 

Edward wanted to pursue Jacob only because he knew that it would end with his own death. 

Eventually his blood lust died. Eventually he learned how to function again. Eventually he realised that even if his daughter no longer needed him, it was worth holding onto his last shred of sanity for her. 

They kept Renesmee close, watching her progress faster and faster as time went on, and then finally slowing and stopping. She was unlike anything any of them had ever seen before. Jasper had been the one to draw a parallel to the immortal children of legend, and only with his playful comparison did Edward realise the true danger that they were facing. If the Volturi knew about the child, they wouldn’t stop to think twice about what she was. Either she was a known danger, or she was an unknown one. 

They would have to wait for Renesmee to age more, until they introduced her to the vampire community. And so they did. They waited until Renesmee had stopped aging. They waited until she had grown into a beautiful young woman, older in biological ears than even her own father. That made them all laugh. And then they had taken her to the Volturi. 

It had almost ended in a bloodbath. Despite the evidence of similar occurrences, Edward knew that Aro had other motivations. In the chamber they had outnumbered the Volturi, and Edward suspected that, just like her mother, Renesmee would be able to avoid Jane’s power. They had left without a single scratch and an unstable peace hanging around them. 

Everything had been fine. Everyone seemed to move on. People were happy again, after time moved gently by. But Edward couldn’t. Couldn’t keep moving forward when everything was pulling him backwards. His anger and loathing were tormenting him a little more every day. It started to boil over into irritation, and Edward found himself at odds with every member of his family. He wasn’t usually the moody one, and it wasn’t without reason, but Edward suspected that everyone’s patience was wearing thin. 

It was the routine that they had fallen into that hurt Edward the most. Rosalie and Emmett had fallen into easy parenthood, caring for his daughter most of her childhood. Edward had been there, but he knew that to be around her in his state of mind, especially since she was so empathic, would not be good for her. He managed to hold most of it off until she was fully grown, but he regretted not being the father than she deserved. 

His family continued on, only fifty years later, like it had never happened. They didn’t even say her name. It felt like she had never been a part of their family. Edward knew that he was being unfair. Everyone in his family had loved Bella, had looked forward to having her join their family, to some degree or another. Even Rose, though she had been the most against it. They had lost that too. But Edward could feel the effects of living in a place where everyone seemed to find the memory of her existence too miserable to acknowledge. Her name had even faded from their thoughts.

Edward had planned to spend the rest of his time with Bella, as limitless as that was. In one form or another, they had promised themselves to each other, for the rest of time. But Bella wasn’t here. She wasn’t in the new home that they had made for themselves, wasn’t a part of the happy family that they had built after setting her in her grave. 

Edward couldn’t help feeling that he had left her behind. 

It was Rosalie who finally decided that things needed to change. It _had been_ fifty years since Bella’s death. Fifty years since they had left Forks. And they were all tired of Edward’s sulking. They couldn’t understand the pain that he was facing, but they could understand their own inability to comprehend. And while they all sympathised with him, Rose knew that enough was enough. 

Rosalie had been playing with Renesmee, who was perfectly adult in her own right, fifty years old, but was still the baby of the family. 

“Don’t treat her like a kid, Rose, she’s old enough to make her own decisions,” Edward snapped, sick of watching his adopted sister bully Nessie into childish activities. As soon as he said it, Edward regretted it. Rosalie would never have her own child, a curse that haunted the vampire every day. Edward couldn’t’ blame her for not wanting Nessie to grow up too fast.

“You know what? I’m sick of this. I get that you’re still grieving for her, but you don’t have to take it out on the rest of us. We lost her too.”

“You can’t even say her name! No one even admits that she was a part of this family. How am I supposed to get over something that never happened?”

Rose’s jaw dropped and it looked like she was about to argue more, but Carlisle stopped her with a gesture and placed a cool hand firmly on Edward’s shoulder. 

“I think that Rose is trying to say that you’re right. We can’t understand what you’re going through, so we can’t help you. Perhaps it would be better if you spent some time elsewhere.” 

Edward was shocked. He must not have been paying any attention to his family, because he hadn’t expected this. He could see Alice flit into existence in the doorway, and knew that Carlisle’s suggestion must have been sanctioned by her. So he wasn’t going to kill himself if he left. 

Good to know, he thought. 

He didn’t say anything, but he knew that he didn’t need to. Alice would know that he was seriously considering the offer and that he had already made up his mind. He wanted to be alone, instead of here, surrounded by reminders that she had never been with enough permanence to truly matter.

He glanced at Renesmee, who was studying him with an intelligent look on her face. She looked so much like her mother. 

She seemed to read his mind, because her next thoughts were delivered as clear as a bell, directly to his awareness. 

_Go. It’s okay. Find what you need, and then come home._

Edward stood up, but Alice was already moving towards him. She pulled him into a tight hug. Esme followed suit, once Alice let go. 

Jasper began to speak, suspiciously jovial about the prospect of his brother’s absence. 

Edward must have been truly unbearable. He let a guilty smile shape his features. They wouldn’t have to deal with his moods for a while. 

Even with the smile on his lips, he could feel the ice running through his veins. The fire chased it around his body. It was fake, the smile, and the laughing tone in his voice. He would find a way around the safe future that Alice predicted for him. No one here needed him any more. He could finally rest. 

He looked around him. The smile on Alice’s face didn’t alter at all. His future hadn’t changed due to his resolution then. Never mind, he thought. There’s always a way.

“So, where are you going to go?” Jasper was asking. 

“Yeah, bro.” Emmett supplied. “What’s your change of scenery? Brazil, Australia, Germany-I heard Malaysia is good this time of year.”

Edward shook his head. Still, Alice’s smile never changed, her thoughts never straying from the relief and optimism that she was feeling. 

There was only one place that he wanted to go. It would be long enough that no one would recognise him as long as he didn't leave the house. 

He was going home.


	4. Chapter 4

Jacob smelled it as soon as he got into town. He was alone, none of the Cullens were with him this time. Jacob could almost feel his luck changing. It had been over fifty years. People had died, and still Jacob had waited. It seemed that his waiting had paid off. 

It was night when Jacob decided to head to the Cullen house. It seemed fitting. Jacob hadn’t been able to bring himself, in the decades that he had spent waiting, and planning, and tearing himself into pieces, to go to the house during the day. During the day, it would look so normal, so average. It wouldn’t be the place of the nightmare that he had experienced, or of the nightmares that he was planning for Edward.

At night the glass walls let the eerie moonlight to seep into the house, into the corridors and the rooms. She wasn’t there at night. But the woods crept into to the emptiness through the many windows, and it allowed Jacob to feel comfortable in the space, never staying long enough to fill the rooms with his scent. He was in his element. He’d made it his hunting ground. 

Jacob crouched low as he slunk through the trees. Not far now. He would finally get what he had been waiting for. He could finally rest.

 

*

 

Edward hadn’t really moved into the house. He’s moved into a single room. The living room, where they had spent most of their time during those last few days. The rest of the house was just too big for him. Too empty. It didn’t bother him that this was the room that held most of her memories. He couldn’t escape her ghost anywhere else, he welcomed it here. 

He had been in Forks only a few days. Sitting on the couch, the last place he had seen her truly smile, he felt the fabric dip next to him. He knew that she wasn’t really, there couldn’t be there, but he couldn’t stop himself from looking up. The darkness of the empty room met his eyes. There had been no point to turn the power back on. He didn’t need the light, didn’t need any of the appliances. He just sat in the darkness.

Even with his eyes confirming that he was alone, Edward could feel the heat radiating from the place she would have been sitting. She would have curled up against him, let him bury his face into her hair and forget all of the bad in the world. 

As the thoughts entered his mind, he could feel the heat move, it sculpted itself to his body. Memory, or perhaps imagination, had taken control of his sanity. It hardly mattered any more. Edward had balanced on the edge of that knife for long enough, letting his family and his daughter pull him back from the brink when he was leaning over too far. But it didn’t matter here. Here it was only him, and the heat that settled close to his body, the memory of holding her close. It wasn’t the burning heat of her human skin against his stone cold body. It was the shared temperature that they have experienced if Bella had of made it through to a different kind of dead. 

Instinctively, Edward lowered his head towards the heat, as if he were about to bury his nose in it. Her smell immediately filled is nose. Not uncomfortable, again, not the way that it had been when she was human. But still alluring, still beautiful to him. She had spent so much time here that of course her smell wouldn’t have faded from the closed up house, but there was no way that it could be this strong. 

Edward didn’t flinch away as he probably should have. He was happy, alone here his ghosts. He would spend the rest of his hopefully short time sitting here, with the memory of a body by his side. 

He still couldn’t see her, but he knew that she was there. He could almost hear her voice, a laugh, maybe words reassuring him. There were only a few final barriers to pass through before she would really be here. And Edward would truly be insane.

Edward didn’t rise for days. Didn’t move until the heat had faded, leaving slowly. He didn’t understand. Bella had promised that they would be together, why was she leaving him? As the smell of her finally faded to the dusty mixture that coated the furniture, Edward knew that he couldn’t sit sit there forever. There was something in the back of his mind that wouldn’t just let him sit there and feel sorry for himself. He needed to find a way to truly end it, it was the only way that he could be with her again. 

Since none of his family had followed him, Edward supposed that it was fine to assume that they still thought that he was safe. And maybe he was. Safe from the world around him, but not safe from his own mind. His subconscious was slowly working towards the right conclusion, building a plan from the few rational scraps that his broken mind could give him. 

A new smell filled the rooms. Not anything that he could recognise, but not completely unfamiliar either. It smelled like the woods condensed, like rain and bark and dirt. It wasn’t as strong as the first time he had smelled Bella, nothing like it really, but in a way it reminded him of that day. It was rich and earthy, and at first Edward thought that it was coming from outside. But it was to close, and Edward knew what the woods smelled like. It wasn’t this, although this smell held traces of the outdoors, it was sweeter, more appealing. There was the smell of spices and something decidedly warm. Edward realised that someone was in the house. He didn’t move, didn’t really care that his sanctuary had been found. So many ghosts had been passing through the walls in the past few days that Edward had lost the will to care.

Edward breathed in deeply, still unable to place the smell. His addled brain, unable to focus partially because of the intoxicating effect of the smell and because of the fragmented nature of his stable mind, realised with a start that he hadn’t heard any thoughts. Either this was a vampire with a shield, or perhaps the body of Bella, truly raised form the dead, dragging the scent of earth with her. It would be just like the girl, who seemed to attract anything supernatural, to return as a zombie.

Edward’s eyes were closed. He felt a presence move into the room, wondered if it was friend of foe, realised again that he didn’t really care. They could strike him down, he would welcome it. 

And then Jacob spoke. 

Edward’s eyes flew open. Not in panic, he didn’t care that he was at the mercy of someone who wanted so desperately to be his murderer. Edward’s heart leapt at the thought of his imminent death. That’s surely why Jacob was here. 

It was the identity of his attacker that caused the look of shock on his face. He mentally scrambled around, wondering why he couldn’t hear Jacob’s thoughts. Then one came. 

_Edw_ _ard_

It was a single word, his name, echoing through his broken head. Nothing more. Edward didn't understand, he should be able to hear more than just that. Jacob hadn’t changed at all in the fifty years that had passed, and Edward recognised the look on the boy’s face. He was thinking, thinking hard, and Edward couldn’t hear any of it. It was completely silent, except for the heavy breathing of the wolf. He had come in human form, but Edward guessed that the wolf wasn’t far away.

Another jolt of shock hit Edward when he realised that the scent that he had picked up had come from Jacob, that had been why is was familiar. But even with the few notes of similarity, the smell was like a tune that his fingers almost recalled but his mind couldn’t play. 

He didn’t recoil from the smell. A wolf shouldn’t smell like this, Edward thought. This was his natural enemy, his body shouldn’t be finding the smell his appealing, almost human.

Edward recalled the thought that had contained his name. 

“Jacob.”

Jacob straightened up from his slightly crouched position. 

_You kept me waiting._

 

_*_

 

Jacob had waited so long for this moment, and now Edward was standing before him. Right there. Closer than they’d been since Jacob forced himself to walk away from Bella’s grave. 

He didn’t know what he wanted; confrontation, to give Edward a final brutal kick to his heart, or if he just wanted to straight out use the man as a punching bag. After considering for a moment, Jacob relished in greedily reminding himself that he could have both. He had Edward right where he wanted him. Finally. 

Just to make his intentions clear, Jacob flashed an image to the front of his mind. One of the many visions that he had of killing the bloodsucker. Edward involuntarily winced, but then remained entirely still. Jacob was glad to see that al of his training had paid off. He had spent years training his mind to hide his thoughts from the mind reader, practised by testing the mental bond of the pack, Finally, when he had been able to hide his thoughts from his brothers, he had hoped that it would work on Edward in the same way. It seemed that his hard work had paid off. 

Jacob had an advantage here. When the pack had worked with the Cullens, no one had been as close to them as he had. He had learn a lot about their strategies, the way that they hunted, killed, ambushed and tricked their prey. He knew that his mind reading and his speed were Edward’s greatest assets. Everything else, Jacob had been born to overcome. His confidence in his own power didn’t stop him from working hard to grow stronger. And here he was, at his strongest, with his prey in his sight. 

Jacob stood straight, letting his confidence overcome the urge to crouch and shift. He didn’t need to, not yet. He took a step forward. Edward didn’t move. 

Jacob faltered. He had expected Edward to take some kind of measure, offensive, defensive, something, by now, but the man still seemed to be in a state of shock. It was obvious that he was thrown by his inability to read Jacob’s mind, but there seemed to be other things affecting him too. 

Jacob needed to awaken the man. Needed him to stand up straight, so that Jacob could finally get justice for Bella. He needed Edward to do something, anything, other than just stand there and look stunned. 

He pulled more images into his mind. They were pretty graphic, far beyond the mind that his young body suggested. He hoped that they would stir Edward into action. 

Edward still didn’t move. 

Jacob could feel his skin crawling. He wanted a fight. He wanted to destroy the creature before him, but he was hesitating, and the animal in his mind didn’t want to hesitate. He took another step forward, aware that if Edward decided to attack, he might not have time to shift before the vampire reached him.

Still Edward didn’t move. The room was completely silent. Jacob was holding his breath. He tried to find words that could help him. 

Unbidden, a memory of Bella surged into his head. Visions of her had been the only images that he had been unable to control, even with the pack. He knew that they had been glad when the mental link finally broke, it was depressing everyone to see her all the time. 

The uncontrolled image had the effect of causing Edward to gasp. In was a soft sound, barely audible in the burdening silence of the room. But it was more than Jacob had been able to elicit so far.

He called forth more memories, allowing them to flow to the front of his mind and linger there. He could see Edward growing more distraught. He knew from experience that anger couldn’t be far behind. 

A final image came to mind, and Jacob sent it Edward’s way. It wasn’t really a single image, more like a collection. Every flower that Jacob had laid beside her grave, every time he had gone to see it. Every time that he had visited her, sat with her, been there for her, even in death. Edward had abandoned her, and Jacob had been the only one left. He had just picked up and left her behind. 

Jacob’s thoughts spiralled viciously and he could feel himself losing control of his mental shield. Struggling to regain his composure, he almost didn’t catch Edward’s next words.

Edward’s voice was soft, and he looked as though his legs were about to fail him. He didn’t meet Jacob’s eyes. 

“Please.” Edward begged. “Please stop.”

“You just left her.” Jacob hissed, forgetting to use his thoughts. 

“I know.”

“I stayed here with her. I stayed. For fifty years.”

“I know.” Edward repeated. Jacob hesitated. This wasn’t the way that he wanted this to be. 

“You broke her, it was all your fault!” Edward’s eyes snapped back to Jacob’s face, and he was almost thrown off his pursuit by the anger he saw flashing there. The animal in him rejoiced. Finally.

“My fault?” Edward hissed. “You really have no idea, do you? Is that what you’ve been doing this whole time? Pretending that I’m the Big Bad that took your Bella away?”

They hadn’t moved closer, but Jacob was aware that he was still well within the vampire’s range. 

“Well you are.” He hissed through teeth that refused to unclench. 

“If you hadn’t been there, we could have saved her.”

A park of Jacob’s mind wanted to be taken aback, but he had spent fifty years thinking about nothing but this, so the rest of it urged him to push on. 

“If I hadn’t been there, there would have been nothing stopping you from lapping up her blood. Don’t think that I didn’t notice you using me as a diluter for her scent.”

Edward stopped, teeth bared. When he spoke, his voice was low and threatening, but Jacob was entranced by him.

“If you hadn’t of been there, Alice would’ve been able to see the danger and warn us to change her sooner.”

This time Jacob was truly taken aback. In half a century, he hadn’t though once of the affect that the seer could have had on the outcome. He wondered if it were true, or if it was just a way that Edward had thought up to deal with his guilt. He was too distracted to fully register that Edward had taken a step closer. The vampire’s next words were hardly audible in the silence, his cold voice sending chills up Jacob’s spine. 

“I may have killed her, but I wasn’t the only one.”

Jacob could feel his nerves on edge as Edward moved closer still. Pushing the bloodsucker’s words out of his mind, he calmed himself. He knew what he was doing. He had thought this all through. 

He kept the shocked look on his face, knowing that he could throw Edward even further off his home territory. Edward couldn’t read his mind, but he was sure as hell pretending that he knew exactly what was going on in it. Jacob was about to prove him wrong. 

As Edward went to take yet another step forward, Jacob drew a shuddering breath, and launched himself towards his prey.

 

*

 

Edward continued to move forward, knowing that the wolf was both confused by his words and threatened by his proximity. The look on Jacob’s face told him everything that he needed to know. Not once, in this whole time, had Jacob considered his own involvement in Bella’s death. 

The movement forward caught him off guard, but Edward instinctively slid out of the way. After he had moved, he feared that it had been the wrong corse of action to take. He was trying to welcome his own death, not fight it off. Jacob was the perfect method. Alice couldn’t see him, and it would give both of them the ending that they deserved. Jacob got to kill a monster, and Edward got to stop being one. 

But he soon realised that he had made the right choice. Jacob wasn’t going to make this easy on him. Edward remembered the pitying look on the man’s face when he had walked away from the grave. He hadn’t killed Edward then because he knew that Edward wanted to die. That he didn’t see any reason for living. And he wouldn’t kill Edward now unless he put up a fight, pretended like he actually wanted to. Jacob came after him again. Edward could feel a warm feeling filling his chest. Finally, for the first time in so long, he could feel something getting through to him, even if it was Jacob’s attempt on his life. Edward could feel that anticipation building, knew that he would be with Bella before long. 

The fight was short, but every moment of it felt like an hour to Edward. He knew that he had to keep up the charade of resistance, emulating fatigue. Jacob would never believe a quick fight. He knew his enemy better than that. Falling easily into muscle memory, dancing around the wolf in human form, Edward wondered why he hadn’t shifted yet. Jacob wouldn’t’ be able to kill Edward without changing first. Not many humans had ever been able to, and never alone. Jacob wanted to draw it out, make it last longer. Keep that ace up his sleeve, even if they both knew that it was there. 

Edward swatted away Jacob’s punch, impressed by how much the man had improved his fighting while he had waited. He supposed that he should have known it would end like this. 

Seeing an opening, Edward fumbled around Jacob, allowing the man to hook a foot under his leg, pulling it out from under him and pushing him down to the floor. A few decorations rattled on the bookshelves, and Edward was pinned to the solid wood. He pushed up with most of his strength, trying to seem like he was really attempting to escape. He was exactly where he wanted to be, trapped, but he knew that Jacob wouldn’t bring on his endgame unless Edward did something to force his hand. 

Edward could feel Jacob loosing footing against the shiny floor, could feel the wolf begin to lose his grip against Edward’s strength. Just when Edward readied himself to throw the man off, he felt a shudder run though Jacob’s body. In seconds it wasn’t the limbs of a lanky teenager trying to hood him down, but one gigantic paw resting firmly against his chest and pushing him into the hard wood. 

The shift had been contained, barely causing the shelves to rattle again. It had been almost graceful, obviously practised. Edward had never thought that a wolf would have enough control to shift indoors without wrecking everything. 

Edward sneered up at the muzzle above him. 

_Just do it. Finish it._

Above him Jacob answered his sneer with a snarl. Edward grinned. Finally. 

He closed his eyes, smile growing as he welcomed the end. It was so close now. Beside him, lying on the floor, he felt the heat return, the phantom pressing itself against his side. Her smell filled his nose, overpowering the scent that Jacob had trailed in with him. The sound of her laugh filled his ears, blocking out the panting of the dog. 

Any second now, and they would be together. _Finally._

The heat faded in a matter of seconds. The smell and the sound lingered only slightly longer. Feeling panic rise in his chest, Edward opened his eyes. The wolf was still staring into his face, still breathing heavily. 

Neither of them moved. Edward attempted to galvanise Jacob into action by wriggling out from under him, but the large paw held him fast. 

The room was silent again. Outside it was deadly still, as if time had ceased to exist. 

Jacob’s breathing had slowed to its normal rate. The easy rhythm instilled in Edward a deeper panic. 

_No._

A second shudder ran through Jacob’s body as he shifted back into a human.

_No. Please no._

Jacob’s brown, human eyes looked directly into Edwards as he forced another thought into the vampire’s mind. 

Edward recognised the familiar pity, laced with Jacob’s severe disbelief. 

Internally Edward howled in anguished understanding. Jacob wouldn’t kill him. Jacob knew that Edward had never, would never stop blaming himself. He would still deny the vampire his final wish. 

Edward felt as though his entire being was being dragged across hot metal as he realised that his plan had failed. 

Jacob said nothing, and no other thoughts crossed his mind. Edward hadn’t moved from his place on the floor. 

Edward closed his eyes, felt the ghosts return, stampeding thought the empty room, they danced around his body, beating at the floor. They would never stop, Edward realised. This was to be his punishment. Forever. 

Tormented by the cacophony of phantom noises in his head, Edward didn’t hear Jacob unlock a door and disappear outside. It was morning before he realised that the man had gone, leaving only the distinctive new scent, a constant reminder to Edward that his final chance was gone. 

 


	5. Chapter 5

Jacob stopped running. He knew the sun would be rising on Forks, but in the densely crowded wood, it was still as dark as midnight. The ground beneath his bare feet was damp, littered with decomposing leaves and branches. He could feel the hundreds of small cuts on his feet and arms healing, even as he stood in the cool forest. 

He sat down. Running through the wood, ignoring the branches hitting as he pushed his way through them, had left him covered in natural debris. Leaves, wet with dew and melting snow, stuck to his bare skin. Sitting down on the fallen tree trunk would add moss to the coat he was collecting, but Jacob didn’t care. 

He was still running on the adrenaline of the fight, but it was slowly seeping away. The blood through his veins was cooling down now, forcing him to feel things that he didn’t want to feel. Think things that he didn’t want to think. It had been fifty years, and Edward still hadn’t recovered from her death. What did that mean?

Jacob knew what it meant. It meant that it was all over. If after all of this time, Edward hadn’t been able to move on, he never would. Jacob couldn’t kill him. He’d waited all this time, given up any chance at having a life, for nothing. 

He was distressed. Lost. Not literally, there was no way that he could get lost in these woods. They were his home. 

He was lost in every other sense of the word. In every way that truly mattered. 

Why hadn’t the vampire moved on? 

He was a cold hearted monster. Why was he still broken?

Jacob still wanted to kill Edward. With every fibre of his being. He wanted to rip the sneering head off the frozen shoulders. 

But he couldn’t. Jacob could see in the depths of pitch black eyes that that was exactly what Edward wanted to. Jacob couldn’t give him what he wanted. He wouldn’t.

 

*

 

Jacob drew his knees to his chest, wrapping his long arms around him. He began to feel the cold, unlike he ever had before. The wolf heat kept him running a few degrees hotter than everyone else, but this, this feeling cold, this was human. 

He hadn’t cried since the day of the funeral, hadn’t let himself grieve for her, because it hadn’t been over. But now it was. 

Jacob was broken. Had been since he had heard her last heartbeat. And now he knew it. He knew it because, looking into the depth of those bottomless eyes, all that he had seen was himself, reflected there. 

All this time he had thought that he was doing it for her. He had thought that it was all because he didn’t want her death to go unavenged. But it had been for himself. Because he couldn’t let her go. Just like Edward, Jacob hadn’t moved on. Hadn’t grown up. 

Jacob wanted to hit something, but he was exhausted. He was angry at himself, as much as he had been at Edward all this time. What had he done for Bella? What had he turned his life into? She wouldn’t have wanted this. Bella would have told him to do something good with his life, not throw it away. She would have wanted him to be happy. 

Jacob hadn’t been happy in half a century. Since they had sat and joked together in the Cullens house. 

Jacob cried, hot tears running down his face. All around him the world was cold and still. Empty. He was the last source of heat in this frozen world, and he was dwindling fast. 

In Jacob’s mind, Edward had become nothing more than a black eyed monster. A demon. Even through Jacob had recognised the grief in the man’s eyes at the funeral he hadn’t let himself understand what that meant. Edward hadn’t been _allowed_ to entertain human emotions. Nothing other than a wedding band and empty vows should have tied him to the beautifully human Bella, that and the creature that had been growing incessantly inside of her. He couldn't have felt anything real towards her.

Jacob suddenly realised just how much Edward had loved Bella. It had been deeper, darker, and more absolute than anything that Jacob could ever experience. They had promised each other forever, and yet had so little time. Everything that the child had robbed them of, the both of them. Jacob couldn’t let go of his disgust, but he could no longer pretend that he was that he had felt about Bella had had anything on the way that the two lovers had felt about each other. Jacob wondered if the vampires had their own form of imprinting. Because that’s what it looked like. He knew what it was like for a wolf to lose his mating pair. And it was what he had seen in Edward's eyes. 

Edward wasn’t a monster. The realisation went against everything that Jacob had been taught to believe, everything that he had been happy to hold onto for half a century, but that didn’t make any less real. 

_At the very least_ , Jacob amended, _he’s no more a monster than I’ve allowed myself to become._

Every hour that he had trained, every time he had forced himself to shift going against every instinct that told him just to stop, just to settle down, it had all been for this nothingness that consumed him now. Changing so many years after a threat had been removed, when he had not had a fresh trace of his enemy in decades, it had caused Jacob physical pain. It wasn’t natural, denying his human side, and Jacob feared that along the way he had lost a lot of his humanity. 

He didn’t have anyone else. He was completely, finally, utterly alone. He had no family left, no pack that wanted to associate with him any more. He thought that he had lost everything the day he had lost Bella, but the truth was that he had given it all up himself. He had given up so many chances at having a normal, happy life. Passed them by in his blind pursuit of something that would fill the emptiness that he had never acknowledged. 

Jacob had only had one thing left for so long. Only Edward, the bloodsucking monster. And now he didn’t even have that. Edward had been his anchor, holding him into the earth, just knowing that he existed somewhere, that somewhere he had the same chances at new happiness as Jacob did. That had been enough to dispel some of the darkness that Jacob could no longer deny, the darkness that would consume him now, sitting in the cold and empty silence. 

The sun was risen fully, and the dense canopy was no longer enough to keep out the beams of day. Jacob cursed the playful rays as they danced across the leaf litter. They were evidence of the passing time. And time was a pressure that he could barely deal with. He was broken and he had no idea how he should go about putting himself together. He was a man out of his time. There was the possibility of trying to integrate himself back into the community, go back to being Alec. Pretending to be his own son. 

But Edward was still in the house, a Cullen back in Forks. He may not be able to bring himself to leave the house, but his presence so close to the reserve would have an impact on the new generation. Young people would begin to shift. Jacob had no heir, he would be the natural alpha. He could return to his place at the head of the pack. But it was only Edward. When he had been in the house, Jacob hadn’t seen any sign that the others were going to follow. There was little point training a new generation for a false threat. Edward wasn’t a threat to anyone, only himself. 

Jacob realised that Edward had probably been counting on the new pack forming. Even if Jacob had re-joined civilisation, growing older and moving on, the new generation of wolves would have been activated upon his arrival. Alice couldn’t see their kind, so all Edward had to do was break a couple of their rules and he would have his wish. 

Jacob didn’t want that to happen. His anger still glowed, aching to flare back into life. It told him that the bloodsucker deserved to die, even if that was what the monster wanted. Ridding the world of the man would be a service. It didn’t have to be the revenge that Jacob wanted. Jacob needed to free himself from the grasp that the man’s memory had over him. 

But a cooler, more rational part of him kept the fire reduced to mere coals. He didn’t want to kill a man who wanted to die. It went against everything that Jacob had thought he stood for. And he didn’t want to give Edward the satisfaction. 

There was something else, something that threatened to throw water on the fire of anger and hatred. Jacob knew that there was another reason he wasn’t willing to kill the man. Something that he had thought would always strengthen his anger and resolve. A huge chunk of Jacob’s obsession. In the face of the truth of what Edward had become, it was having a very different effect. But Jacob wouldn’t allow himself to think about that. He wouldn’t let it completely extinguish the flame that was seemingly all that was keeping him warm in the melting snow. 

 

Jacob stood suddenly, causing the world around him to stir into life. Rustling marked the hurried movements of small animals who had ventured into the apparently safe stillness. His jarring movements shocked the natural world back into its predator-prey mentality. He shook out his limbs, trying to awaken them from the disuse. Before pins and needles could set in, Jacob was running again. 

He had no direction, no vision of what to do next. But it didn’t matter. What really counted was that there was something behind him. He was running from Edward and from the person that he had become. He was a sixty year old man living in the body of a teenager. He was tired of it all. 

But living was the least he could do. He had spent so long destroying himself in her name, but none of it had really been for Bella. Maybe he could rebuild himself, after all this time, because it was what she would have really wanted. 

He tried to pull his world out of the orbit that he had flung himself into. He could feel himself gravitating towards the house behind him, feel it and its single inhabitant pull at his skin, irritating it. It was almost magnetic, the way that it felt. Edward had been his every thought for so long that Jacob couldn’t just forget that the vampire existed.

 

 

*

 

Jacob made it to the edge of the wood at the back of his only house without turning around. With his eyes opened by the plethora of revelations, Jacob understood disgustedly and for the first time, just how much he was obsessed with Edward. Not with Edward in relation to Bella, or Edward as his natural enemy, but something else. Something that his mind had been intently rebelling against for so long that Jacob had never even gotten a chance to recognise it. He had been able to hide it under everything else; fear, jealousy, hatred, anger, anything that would place more layers over what he felt. 

Jacob made his way into the house that he now owned. His father was gone, taken by time. 

It had been a long time since Jacob had shifted while clothed, so he wasn’t uncomfortable with being naked, but he had left the shreds of his shirt and trousers lying on the floor in the Cullen’s living room. If he was going to try to join to community again, it may be best to do it clothed. 

The house was a mess. Jacob didn’t spend much time there, not enough to reasonably account for the mess. The sheer quantity of dirty dishes and take out containers would suggest at least one more occupant, but Jacob knew that no one else had been in the house since his father’s funeral. 

He really needed to clean up. And go shopping, he thought as he opened a cupboard to find nothing but a few crumbs and an empty cup. 

He shut the cupboard with a sigh, hearing the hinges creak. The house was either falling apart from age or lack of use, either way Jacob felt guilty. 

Moving through the rooms, he tried to forget the sight of Edward lying on the floor, empty and oblivious to Jacob’s presence. But the image was burnt into the back of his eyelids and the corneas of his eyes. Maybe he should have rejoiced at such a sight, but all that he could think of the way he himself had curled into a ball in the forest, outwardly just as empty and pathetic. 

Whatever he had been expecting to find in that house, it hadn’t been a mirror. A reflection of himself. The closest thing to a kindred spirit that he had in the world. 

The only person that he had left.

 


	6. Chapter 6

“Would you all please just settle down?” Jacob growled in exasperation, trying to rub a headache out through his eyes with the tips of his fingers. He was too old for this. Unfortunately, the rowdy teens before him had no way of knowing his true age, at least not until the mental link between them began to improve. Some of the people on the council knew his true identity and his true story, but not these brats. Soon he wouldn’t be able to hide it from them, but until then he was trying to use his youthful exterior to create some kind of _kinship_ with the kids. 

They were just so loud. And boisterous. After half a century leading a solitary life, Jacob didn’t know how much more he could take. 

He knew that he had been like that once, and he winced as he saw one of the older wolves throw a book at one of the newer recruits. 

There weren’t that many of them, five in total, and Jacob was hoping that they had hit their max. With the diminished threat of a single vampire, Jacob had been sure that only a few would turn. 

Jacob watched the arc of the books it was thrown back at the attacker with at least double the strength. He smiled a little. This generation’s batch was quite a mix, with physical skill and intelligence thrown in in almost equal measure. Usually those who shifted earlier were genetically coded to do so simply for their capacity for brute strength, but while Jacob questioned some of the candidates in that respect, he was rather fond of the diverse group nature had thrown together. 

Jack was a little bit of a bully. He wasn’t cruel, but Jacob could see that he craved power over the younger kids. Jack had been the first to turn, leaving him with a sense of entitlement. Jacob had never been gladder of his ruthless pursuit of Edward. If he hadn’t continued to shift well into the years, Jack would have become Alpha, at least until someone took his place. He was a good kid, Jacob could see that, but he was a little too heated, and would make bad judgement calls. Jack had all the makings of an excellent leader, but a little too much self-righteousness and ambition to truly make it work. 

His favourite victim was Sam. The small boy had turned third, pretty much right on the mark. Perhaps he hadn’t been the best choice physically, but Sam was extremely intelligent, and Jacob was learning, and excellent strategist. He reminded Jacob a little of his grandfather and namesake, but he was as different from the Sam that Jacob had known as he was similar. What surprised him most about the pair, the antagonist and his prey, was the odd dynamic that seemed to have sprung up between them. Sam was constantly being picked on by Jack, but he seemed to take it all in his stride, occasionally giving back as much as he got. Jacob wondered where the boy got his confidence from. Despite the conflict between the two, they seemed to be fast on the track to becoming good friends. Sam actually seemed to be the only person who could get Jack to calm down. 

Another thing that had shocked Jacob was the rate at which the transformations occurred. Usually it would take up to six months for a single individual to accept his nature and turn. Period of depression, confusion, anger and everything else had characterised every transformation that Jacob had ever been told about or experienced.

But this group was functional only two months after the first shifted, some kids even changing within days of each other. And the transition from human to wolf, giving up a wholly logical and rational view of the world, a view that denied the existence of monsters popular in children’s stories, had been a breeze for these kids. 

They seemed to unanimously accept that their world wasn’t what they thought that it had been, and get on with the change. Simple. 

Jacob recalled his own painful transition. Trying to avoid Bella altogether, then dropping hints and watching impatiently and she scrambled to leave the inside of her head long enough to piece them together. It had been the worst time of his life. 

He had no idea why these kids had it so easy. They even tackled training better. These kids had mastered, in a short two months, what it had taken Jacob’s original pack almost six. 

Jacob tried to understand. It was important to him that he knew what made this group so different to the ones before them. If there was something odd about them, to would affect the way that he would lead them. 

Jacob had briefly considered whether it had been his rightful alpha status that had given them the edge. After all, when he had changed Sam had taken the role of alpha, a role that was not his by blood. Perhaps that imbalance had altered the pack dynamics and their difficult transitions had been an early symptom of the disunion it would bring to the pack. 

After he had first transformed, he and Billy had revisited the old stories, their origin stories. Jacob still remembered them, though he had no one to tell them to himself. He had given up his father’s seat in the council and only recently reclaimed it, in name only. But their stories held detailed descriptions of the packs that had come before, each and every one speaking about the time spent building up the pack. 

Jacob knew from these stories that his pack’s experience was unprecedented. Even with a rightful alpha leading the group, the packs had always struggled to come together. Which left Jacob right back where he started. 

The pack only grew louder as he tried to quiet them. They were still new. The mental link had yet to take full effect, and Jacob had yet to fully embrace his role, meaning that the pups were still able to bend the rules and disobey him. 

Jacob had no idea how the young ones would react to finding out that their youthful leader and friend was older than most of their parents. He knew that the alpha was often older than the rest the pack, but sixty eight was stretching it. Full disclosure was important in the early stages to kick start training and awaken instincts, but Jacob still blocked his thoughts the way he had trained to. Even after years of being alone, Jacob wasn’t quite ready to give up the privacy of his head yet. 

He knew that he was hesitating. A group that adapted this fast could have had the whole shared thoughts thing up and running already, but he wasn’t quite willing to let it happen yet. It wasn’t just his age that he was worried about, there were other things that were best left hidden. Jacob didn’t want the talented group to poke through those dusty boxed in his head before he got the chance to. Even then, he was worried about what they might reveal. 

Jacob hoped that the age thing wouldn’t come as too much of a shock. The community, those in the know, had taken steps to try to ease the kids into the idea. A new story had been added to the town memory, one of a man who continued to take spirit form beyond what was normal. Jacob was grateful that the exact details of why had been kept out of the story, but he knew that it was only a courtesy that they offered him while he was still alive. Once he was really gone, the details out emerge and Bella’s death would become just a part of a cautionary cold-ones story. 

“Kallem, will you stop throwing the stationary around? Thank you.” Jacob scowled as the boy attempted to thrown the book again, but was surprised to find that his arm was a bit heavier than normal. Good. Jacob was purposefully using his alpha voice and was pleased that it was working. 

“Alright.” Jacob waited until silence fell. The new tone was doing wonders for obedience. “So…”

He trailed off, unsure of what to say. These kids were progressing so fast that he didn’t know what he could teach them. He had done most of his raining alone, not as part of a pack, so he wasn’t quite sure what steps to take for their improvement. He could just watch, help where he could, but in reality, these kids were teaching themselves. 

Standing in front of them, with all eyes on him, Jacob felt powerless. It wasn’t that he didn’t have power in the situation, it was just that these kids showed more promise than he could utilise. He needed serious help in dealing with them properly. But there was no one else. 

Jacob cleared his throat, hoping that some insightful advice would appear in his head, or written on the wall opposite him, anywhere really. 

He was spared any continuation of the awkward conversation by one of the boys speaking up.

Harley was a spitting image of his grandfather, an obvious member of Seth Clearwater’s bloodline. The similarities didn’t end with the physical. Harley reminded Jacob of his friend so much that he had to stop himself from mixing the two up. The teen was quiet and smart, too smart for Jacob’s liking sometimes. He was severely curious, had been from the moment of his birth, Seth had told him, looking around him with great round eyes. Hadn’t even cried out, just stared out at the big world. He was never rude, but sometimes a bit cheeky. e He was HHe was the group’s designated peace keeper, he had a level way of calming everyone down. Jacob also knew that the same power could be used to stir people up, and he was waiting for Harley to discover that. 

“Alec, are we ever going to actually see a vampire? I mean, I’ve been told that they exist, but I’m still not sure if I actually believe it.” A few of the other boys nodded in agreement. 

“Yeah, when do we actually get to put this training to use and kill something?” Pond piped up. 

The kid’s real name wasn’t Pond. Jacob thought that it was something like Gerry, but he couldn’t be sure, as the only people who seemed to know was the boy and his father, and both were keeping tight-lipped. Why the brawny kid had chosen Pond for a nickname, Jacob would never know, but it had stuck and the boy went by no other name. He was the second to have changed, the tallest boy in the group, even taller than Jacob, and built well. He was a good choice for the pack, explaining why nature had turned him second. But he was a trouble maker. He saw his position in the pack as a great big adventure, his chance to exercise the blood-lust that his heritage had given him. 

Jacob hesitated before answering. He didn’t know what he should tell the boys. That this whole ordeal was pretty much pointless? That they wouldn’t be able to kill any vampires? Jacob wasn’t about to take then to Edward’s place for an excursion. But he didn’t want to tell them that they had changed, that they were training, giving up a huge part of their time, for nothing. They would still change for as long as Edward was around, but Jacob wasn’t ready to remove the vampire by force. 

“There is a lot of stuff that I have to tell you guys. I’m not sure that now is the right time. Maybe when the link is established properly-?” Jacob trailed off at the disappointed and outraged mix of emotions on the faces in front of him. 

“The link could be running already.” Harley said softly. The other boys turned to him. Jacob was uncomfortable. He had hoped that none of them would figure that out, but he should have known better. He was at a loss for what to do, what to say. 

“What do you mean Harley?” Kallem questioned his friend. 

Kallem had changed last. No one had really expected him to. He was Leah’s son, conceived and born after she started aging again. Leah had taken the removal of the vampire threat as a chance to break out. She had left the whole community as soon as the pack had disbanded. The binding nature of the wolf inside her had gone, and there was nothing to hold her to the reservation or Forks any more. She had returned year later, with a husband and a child on the way. She had imprinted after all. Her and her husband had been so much in love that in had been uncomfortable for anyone else to be anywhere near them. Everyone was happy for her, but marrying an outsider had diluted the blood line. Their first child, a girl named Kali, had all of her mother’s spunk, but her father’s patience and kindness. As a result she was universally loved. Then came Kallem. Jacob didn’t know the origin of the family’s obsession with K, but he liked the kid. 

Kallem and Harley had been really close before the shift. The distance had put a strain on their relationship, but now it was thriving in the pack atmosphere. Jacob remembered what it had been like to turn late.

“We all know the old stories.” Three of the kids nodded. Pond looked down guiltily. 

“There’s never been a pack that progressed as fast as we did,” Harley waited while self-congratulatory whistles flew around the room. “So we should have been able to link up by now.” 

He looked directly at Jacob while he was speaking. It wasn’t an accusatory glare, merely curious. He wasn’t about to call Jacob out in front of the group, but Jacob knew that he owed them all an explanation. 

The room erupted into confusion at the kid’s words. At least the rest of the group couldn’t grasp the implication behind Harley’s words. That bought him only a little time. Jacob sighed as his headache returned full force. While he went back to patiently rubbing at his temples, he knew that he had to do something about the secrets he was hiding. And fast. 

 


	7. Chapter 7

The house was empty. Jacob, for all the illusion of family that he had gathered around him, he was still left alone at the end of the day. Billy’s house was empty, but at least it was cleaner. People had actually started to visit, to live in the old shack. Jacob had tried to clean up himself, before his pack started to form, but he had gotten as far as the garage and rediscovered the car. It had been left alone for fifty years, never being started, let alone driven. Meaning it needed a lot more work. The detailed and attention consuming work had taken up all of his time before the pack. 

It had only been Jack’s arrival that had given Jacob the motivation to clean-up. The boy hadn’t helped, of course, but just his presence had been enough to galvanise Jacob. The idea of dependence, and reliance, and simple company, had begun to draw Jacob out of himself. 

He walked through the house, realising that it no longer felt as empty and lonely. And it no longer felt right to sit on the floor to eat, or to leave the rubbish wherever it fell. Sure, he was still eating alone. Sure he didn’t really need to impress anyone. But when he had finished heating up his food, he headed towards the table anyway. 

He pushed the grey slop around his plate with the fork, worrying that it would probably poison him, had been poisoning him, and that the wolf healing was the only way he was still alive. 

He heard Sam Senior coming slowly up the drive before he knocked on the door, but he didn’t get up. He was comfortable at the table. He’d had a tiring day, and although he knew that it was rude and irresponsible, he was wondering if he could get away with pretending not to be home. He and the seventy year old had gotten along well enough when Jacob had come back, and he was one of the only ones who knew about Jacob’s real identity, but they weren’t really friends. Sam had lead the council during Jacob’s absence. He’d done an extremely good job, and Jacob hadn’t wanted to de-throne him, but he had no choice, it was the way of their community. Even though to most of them, he was Alec Black, not Jacob, he was still the head of the Black bloodline. 

The knock came, so Jacob pushed his chair out and got up. He unlocked the door without a word, and let Sam inside. Even at his age Sam held himself like a leader. He stood tall in the room crowded with low sitting furniture. The rooms were still furbished with all of Billy’s old stuff, made lower than normal for access from the wheel chair. 

Jacob went back to the table, and after a moments silence Sam joined him. The man looked down at Jacob’s meal, still practically untouched, as he sat down. 

“Emily’s got this great casserole recipe. She taught me how to make it. It’s so easy, even you could probably do it.”

Jacob let out a sound that was a cross between a growl and a sigh, but pushed the plate away for him. It really wasn’t appetising. Neither spoke, though Jacob was really starting to wonder why Sam had come all the way out here just to sit by him and say nothing.

“Why are you here Sam?” 

Sam sighed. It was never going to be comfortable between them.

“We were all thinking about your pack. I’m sure you’ve realised that they’re progressing at a surprising rate.”

Jacob nodded, not minding that the council did most of their ‘thinking’ without him. 

“We have a theory as to why. Thought you might like to know.” 

Jacob looked up, interested. He still hadn’t been able to figure out what was going on with the pack. He was seriously just considering chalking it up to luck. 

“We think that it’s you.” 

“Me?...how?”

Sam took a deep breath before staring. 

“It could be a mix of things. First we considered what was different this time round, and the only thing we could come up with was you. Firstly there is the fact that you’ve been a wolf for so long, wolfed out for much longer than anyone who’s ever been alpha before. You’re ease with that, the way that the wolf’s nature has melded with your own more than anyone in our history; that could be passed on to a younger generation unconsciously, like through a universal but unrecognised mental link. Then there is your contact with the cold ones. No one in our history has ever had as much contact as you. Your knowledge is more than what used to exist in our stories. We think that it was a mix of these things that caused the change. You’re presence as the alpha has created a more stable generation of wolves.”

Jacob considered. Perhaps Sam and the council was right. There didn’t seem to be any other viable reason for the change. 

Sam waited for Jacob to speak. Jacob didn’t know what to say. So they sat in silence. Sam leaned into the table, kicking the chair back from the table. 

“I heard you’d finished fixing up the old car. I would love to see it, if you had the time. I never did get to ride in it.” Jacob obliged him by rising also, leading him out to the garage. Sam followed him out of the house and whistled when Jacob hitched open the door. 

“That’s one nice car. Pity I’m too old, or I would have had that ride now. Emily would kill me though.” Sam continued talking, still effusing about the car. Jacob was growing tired of the charade. Obviously Sam hadn’t said all that he wanted to say. 

“Why are you here, Sam? It’s clearly not to talk about my car.”

Sam sighed. 

“They’re strange, Jake. You don’t know what to do with them. Neither do we. Just don’t mess them up.”

“Don’t mess up your front line of defence, you mean.”

Sam laughed, noise dying quickly in the small garage.

“Come on Jake, you know just as well as I do that there’s no need for defence. Not where he’s concerned.”

Sam’s simple statement left Jacob in do doubt as to who he was speaking, and without his will, his thoughts turned back to Edward. Jacob had been trying to avoid thinking about the man, but he shuddered to remember just how often the vampire was on his mind in the last few months. Almost as much as when Jacob had been pursuing him. 

He knew that he was going to have to go visit the blood sucker eventually. But he had been putting it off. It was in that section of his mind that he had roped off and refused to think about. He had tried to keep his thoughts completely objective when they did come, but he wasn’t going to be able to deny it all forever. Especially when the boys got into his head. 

An idea struck him. It would be like killing two birds with one metaphorical stone. More importantly, it would give him an excuse to go back to the Cullen place. So that he would still be able to look at himself in the mirror and recognise the person he saw there. 

He wasn’t against change, it was just that he’d gotten so used to the man looking back at him, and some changes were just too big.

He needed to train his mind even more. He’d trained it to hide everything but a selected thought, now he needed to train it to reveal everything but a single thought. He hoped that it would be a simple thing, to just reverse what he had taught himself to do, but he had no one to practice on. 

He could use Edward to that effect, avoid the frying pan by jumping into the fire. While he was around the vampire, he convince him to leave. Before the pack got strong enough to go after him if he broke the rules. 

Sam took his silence as agreement, a habit left over from his alpha days. He nodded at Jacob before walking out of the garage. A few minutes later, Jacob heard a car door slam and a motor start. Jacob didn’t leave the garage to see Sam out.

 

*

 

Jacob picked his way slowly through the trees. He was giving himself a chance to back out of the idea. It seemed good on paper, but the more Jacob thought about it, the less he wanted to see Edward. He hadn’t been exaggerating the fire\frying pan thing. The only reason he was actually considering it as a plan, was because he was sure he would only need to have minimal contact with Edward. Minimal danger with the hope of maximum return. 

Jacob approached the house silently. There was no movement in the house, not that Jacob could see, but he could smell Edward. Without the rest of the vampires around, Jacob was surprised to find that he didn’t mind the smell. It wasn’t as horrible as it had been when it had come from all of them. Diluted, bearable. 

Jacob slowed even more as he walked up the few stairs to the front door. He wondered if he should knock, but then decided against it. Instead he sent out a thought, knowing that Edward would be able to hear it. 

_Oi, Blood-Boy._

There was still no movement within the house, and even with his enhanced senses, Jacob couldn’t hear anything. He pushed at the door. He had come in this way when he had ‘visited’ Edward that night, but was surprised to find that it was still slightly ajar. He pushed inside, trying to find where the smell was strongest. 

Jacob’s nose lead him to the same room where he and Edward had had their confrontation. The smell rose, returning to unbearable as Jacob entered the room. The body was lying on the floor, having moved barely an inch from where Jacob had last seen it. Jacob put his hand over his nose, realising why the smell was so strong. Edward hadn’t left this room in two months, hadn’t moved from the floor. He had literally just frozen, a living statue. His eyes were closed, and the look on his face betrayed intense agony. 

Jacob wondered if a vampire could die like this. He hadn’t moved his body, hadn’t eaten, in over six months. Perhaps Edward had actually killed himself through neglect. He had thought that Alice would be keeping a closer eye on him that to allow this to happen. 

Jacob moved to crouch next to the body, not feeling anything. He reached out and placed his hand on Edward’s chest, scrambling to put distance between it and himself when the body moved under his hand. It had only been a small movement, but Jacob knew that Edward was alive. He crawled back over to him. The vampire was very weak, unable to fully open his eyes. As he tried, Jacob could see the shining black orbs under the lids of his eyes. Edward needed blood, badly. Jacob didn’t know how he had made it this long, but Edward was fading fast. It seemed that these last moments of consciousness would be his last. 

Edward wanted to die. Wanted it so badly that he was starving himself. These last few months within the arms of humanity had left Jacob feeling a little more charitable. He _could_ end it all for Edward, spare him the intense suffering that the vampire was intent on bringing upon himself. 

But Bella had loved this man, the man lying before him now. Jacob owed it to her, after all the time he had spent ignoring what she would have wanted, to help him. 

Jacob shifted closer to Edward so that he could lift the man. Edward was heavy, but Jacob was competent. Reaching his arms around the body, he lifted Edward on to his feet. Without assistance Edward’s knees crumbled beneath his legs. Edward was breathing heavily with the exertion of the small activity, and leaned on Jacob. Jacob shuffled them out of the room. He had to get Edward some blood. He pushed out of the back door. It had been his exit the last time he had been in the house, and it, like the front door, was still open. In the fresh air, Edward hissed. Jacob realised that even the change of environment was almost too much for the man who was clinging instinctively to his shoulder. 

Jacob continued to move them forward, into the trees. Edward dragged his feet a little, unable to lift them above the ground. Before they reached the tree line, Edward turned his head into Jacob’s side, almost resting his head upon Jacob’s shoulder. Jacob recoiled, thought that maybe the vampire was trying weakly to attack him. He nearly dropped Edward, but then realised that the man’s mouth was forming silent words. He leaned in closer to hear them. 

In a voice as soft as a sigh and cracked from lack of use, Jacob could just make out words. 

“Please… stop… just let me…”

Jacob hoisted Edward further up his arm, adjusting to a firmer grip. He shook his head, resolutely not meeting Edward’s eyes as the vampire looked at him. He couldn’t speak from the exertion of holding the man up and pulling him along. Jacob supposed that it was due to Edward’s weak condition, but it felt like hauling a marble block.

Jacob just kept pulling, barely looking up as he made his way through the trees. He was never going to find Edward’s prey if they continued to make so much noise, but Jacob had to make sure that they were well away from the road or any walking tracks. He didn’t know what would happen if Edward regained his strength in the middle of a feed, in the middle of a populated or well frequented area.

Jacob tried to keep his mind off what he was doing, but the idea of finding and killing some innocent creature was turning his stomach.

Edward stumbled over a tree branch, threatening to drag them both down onto the leaf litter, but Jacob held him steady. They were almost far enough now. 

Edward wasn’t strong enough to truly fight him off, but Jacob was slightly impressed to feel that Edward had tensed his shoulders in something that felt like defiance. Jacob hoped that he knew enough about vampires to know what he was doing. 

Jacob stopped, breathing heavily into the quiet of the wood. He gently lowered Edward into the soil, propping him up against a fallen tree trunk. He knew that nothing, no predator, would go anywhere near the vampire, no matter how weak he looked, so Jacob deemed it safe to leave the vampire there while the wolf went to hunt. 

Shifting silently, he ran through the thick mess of trees, testing the air for any sign of life. 

While his strides fell into a natural pattern, and his instincts kicked in, Jacob allowed himself to think briefly and shallowly about the situation. Edward’s condition meant that he would need a lot more than just a few words to leave town. Wearily, Jacob accepted the full implications of the job he had signed up for.

 

*

 

Edward only twitched when Jacob dropped the dead animals in front of him. Jacob sighed and bent down, considering what he should do next. Edward was dying quickly, and the fact that the man was stubborn wasn’t helping. 

Jacob remembered someone saying that animal blood wasn’t really very appetising, he had taken their word for it, but that it was better to have a carnivore’s blood, if available. Jacob had lucked out, bringing back a mountain lion as well as a buck and a couple of rabbits. It had been easier carrying the animals than it had Edward. He was okay with that part, at least he thought he was okay. Until he’d realised that he might have to force-feed the fading vampire. 

Jacob busied himself with arranging Edward, posing his stiff and weak limbs, into a posture that looked slightly more comfortable for consuming. 

Jacob hesitated, still not sure exactly what he should do. The repressed vampire in Edward was Jacob’s best weapon. 

Jacob bent down again and nicked the vein at the base of the buck’s neck, jumping out of the way as blood started flowing freely. He nudged the animal closer towards Edward, whose movements grew stronger as the coppery smell filled the air. Edward’s eyes began to open, and when he spotted the scarlet liquid, he looked up at Jacob in shock and panic. Edward tried to shut his eyes again, tried to scramble away, but he was too weak and Jacob could see that the blood was having the desired effect. Even though his legs were pushing against the leaves, trying to find purchase against the silk undergrowth, Edward’s eyes were again opening, his gaze falling upon the animal in front of him. 

Edward, even with the means for his survival so close, was still trying to fight the urge to save himself. Jacob knew that it was a wasted effort. Edward’s movements were growing more and more crazed, less contained and extremely ineffective. Almost of their own accord, his hands were reaching towards the buck, and Jacob watched as his lips pulled back to display prominent, sharpened teeth.

Jacob took a few steps back as Edward, seemingly compiling the very last of his strength, surged forward and sunk his teeth into the bleeding buck before him.

Jacob could only watch in awed fascination, even as all of the fight want out of Edward’s shoulders and he sunk into the attack. Blood poured freely onto Edward’s shirt and pants, but the vampire didn’t notice. 

It was a terrifying sight, reminding Jacob of just how much a wolf pack was needed to protect the people of his community. He instinctively took another step back, glad that his scent was unpalatable to the perfect killing machine before him. 

When a small branch snapped under his foot, however, Jacob was seriously reconsidering his confidence. Edward’s black eyes flicked up towards him with inhuman grace. There was nothing human in the snarl that clouded Edward’s features, and Jacob was worried that Edward would see him as an enemy, rather than the ally he was attempting to be. 

Staring into those soulless eyes reminded Jacob of making eye contact with a bear. You would never know if it was about to strike until it was too late, but it was too dangerous and terrifying to look away. 

Edward considered Jacob, staring into his eyes. Jacob thought that maybe Edward was trying, even in this instinctual daze, to read Jacob’s mind, so he let a thought through his barrier. Edward growled slightly, but slowly lowered his eyes until they fell upon the mountain lion. The edge having been taken away and the threat to his life no longer relevant, Edward seemed to view the meat eater as a better meal, and made short work of draining it dry. He seemed to notice the rabbits as an afterthought, and although his lips curled up in disgust, he drained them too. 

Then he returned his gaze back to Jacob. Edward’s eyes were still black pits of absolute darkness, but Jacob thought that he saw a spark of the human Edward in them. As he stared back at the predator, he noticed a light ring of gold, barely visible, encompassing the vampire’s cornea. 

Edward’s face was covered in blood. It wasn’t like Jacob had expected, not only the section between the man’s mouth and his chin was dyed red, but all of his face. It was smudged over his eyebrows. Tangled and matted in his hair. It was covering his clothes too, staining his light blue shirt a soaking, shocking, violent red.

Edward’s eyes moved from Jacob’s face, and Jacob was suddenly very aware that he himself was naked. He had not had a second set of clothes to change into when he had shifted, and he’d been too caught up in everything that he hadn’t noticed.

As Edward’s eyes returned to his face, features almost resembling a smirk, Jacob lifted his eyebrow and chanted his hip to the side, pretending that his own vulnerability didn’t scare him. Edward didn’t say anything, just rearranged his shirt, peeling it from his body where the wet fabric clung to his cold skin, turned and walked back in the direction of his house. 

Remembering his purpose in visiting the Cullen residence, and a little worried that Edward would stray once again down the part of self-destruction, Jacob followed.

 


	8. Chapter 8

Jacob followed Edward into the house, pulling the door closed behind them. With a sigh, Edward fell into a chair, still exhausted, but no longer on his death bed.

Jacob stood around, unsure of what to do. He felt like he should stay, but he was obviously unwanted. Edward sunk lower in the chair, staining the upholstery with blood. He didn’t seem to care. Jacob overcame his compulsion to get out, and sat down on the couch. Neither spoke for a long time. Jacob knew that Edward still needed to feed more, and wasn’t going to leave until he was sure that he would.

Edward sighed, straightened up slightly and looked at Jacob.

“Would you just leave?”

“No.” Jacob started simply.

“Just leave me be mongrel.”

Jacob didn’t respond. Edward growled. Jacob had to admit that the vampire did make a very threatening sight, covered in blood, muscles tensing fractionally even as he made a show of relaxing. Edward wouldn’t attack him, Jacob knew that. There would be nothing to gain from a conflict between them, and Jacob doubted that Edward could ignore his instinct enough to place himself in that much danger.

Jacob ignored him. Even when Edward started growling.

“Will you please just kill me?” Edward said, trying to sound bored, nonchalant, but Jacob could hear the notes of tension behind the ease of his voice.

“No.” Jacob repeated. Edward sighed again. He got up. Jacob stood too, slightly apprehensive about what the desperate man would do next. He didn’t trust the bloodsucker one bit.

“Where are you going?” He asked, as Edward moved towards the doorway.

Edward didn’t answer, but when Jacob took a step forward to stop him, he turned, exasperated.

“I’m going up to my room. I am going to get changed, and then rest for a bit. Since I’m very much alive, or living, I find that I’m rather tired.”

“Vampires don’t sleep.” Jacob accused, not trusting the truth of Edward’s admission.

‘That’s true, but I have a bed upstairs that’s much more appealing than the floor. If you’re going to stay,” Edward added as he turned away again. “There are some clothes in the cupboards upstairs. Would you please dress yourself?”

“Why, am I making you uncomfortable?”

“No. But I would hate to have to explain to my family why our couch smells like a wet dog. Just put some clothes on.” Edward was out of the door. Jacob heard his feet on the stair case, leading to the top of the house.

“Or leave.” Edward called down as an afterthought. Jacob snorted.

There was no way he was going through the closets upstairs. Jacob shuddered at the thought of wearing clothes soaked in vampire smell. He let the air from the house fill his lungs.

Okay, the smell wasn’t so bad. The vampires had been gone for a long time, barely a trace of them lingered. Except for Edward, who was merely a trace of everything he had once been.     

Jacob tried to settle down in the house. He’d never just visited the house, he’d been here, but not in the capacity that he could look around and see only strategies and contingency plans.

Now, looking around, he remembered being here. In the light of day, seeing the dust covering all of the hard surfaced, being ground into the fabric by time. This house was going the same way as Jacob’s own had been, only, instead of the empty cardboard boxes and empty cupboards, this house was filled with broken promised and empty memories. Or perhaps Jacob was just being overly dramatic.

_Alec._

The call echoed out over the trees. Jacob’s head snapped around. It was Harley, testing the mental link. He must have yelled pretty loud to have his message transmitted across the weak connection.

He had to go. The pack had arranged to meet for a training session in the afternoon, and Jacob hadn’t thought that seeing Edward would take as long as it had. He had to meet with the boys.

 _Edward._ Jacob thought, reaching out to the man upstairs, careful not to think too loud, in case Harley was out there listening.

He heard a crash upstairs, something heavy dropped onto a carpeted floor with a dull bang, followed by some choice cuss words.

Jacob ran up the stairs, taking them four at a time. He stopped at the entrance to Edward’s room. He’d never been in this part of the house before, ever seen the inside of the vampire’s room. It was more comfortable that he had expected, with a distinct lack of coffins or rafters. Edward was crouching on the floor, picking up what looking like a heavy speaker for an extensive sound system.

_I didn’t think vampires dropped things. And I didn’t think that you swore._

Edward hissed, then stood up, returning the speaker to its place amongst the others. As Jacob looked around he saw that a thick layer of dust covered everything in this room to. Edward had been back for months and he hadn’t even entered his own room.

“It’s something I picked up recently, the profanities.”

_Oh._

“How are you doing that?”

Jacob realised that the speaker had been dropped in shock, when he had sent Edward the mental message. Jacob didn’t answer. He had to leave, soon, but he wanted to make sure that Edward wouldn’t try anything stupid.

“I’m coming back tomorrow. And probably the day after that. I’m not letting you try to starve yourself again.”

Edward snorted.

“Alright mother.” The vampire almost smiled, corners of his lips curling weakly, but then he turned away so that Jacob could no longer see his face.

Jacob turned to leave, not wanting to get into a fight, even a verbal one. He was at the door when Edward called out to him again.

“Okay.” His voice was small, defeated. “Okay,” Edward continued. “But why are you doing this?”

Jacob thought about it. He didn’t have a good answer. He didn’t have any answer.

“I’ll be back tomorrow. Try to get some rest, or whatever it is you vampires do.”

 

*

 

Jacob lined the troops up in front of him. Which, in reality, meant getting everyone to at least sit down and shut up long enough for him to get a word in.

“Okay guys, it’s sharing time. There is some stuff going on here that I haven’t exactly told you about.”

He paused to take in the mixed reactions in front of him. Pond looked outraged at the mere suggestion of information being wrongly withheld. Sam glanced at Harley, who looked extremely interested, and rather expectant. Kallem looked surprised. Jacob didn’t recognise the look on Jack’s face.

He looked at them, still unsure of where to start. Basics, he supposed.

“Okay. My name isn’t Alec. I’m not Jacob Black’s son, I am Jacob Black.”

Harley looked pleased. He had had his suspicious all along. Kallem looked at Harley, impressed. Clearly his friend had shared his suspicion. Jacob cursed his luck at having the gotten the smart kids. Everyone else just looked stunned.

“I’m sixty eight.”

Pond was the only kid who hadn’t grasped this implication of his true identity. The kid was now looking betrayed, as well as shocked. Other than that, the revelation seemed to be going down well. 

“I shifted when I was about, I don’t know, eighteen? Since then, I haven’t stopped shifting. It was really difficult, painful, and I want you to think of it as a cautionary tale. We’re not meant to be immortal, only invincible for as long as we’re needed. To protect the community.”

Harley raised his hand. Left over habits from school. Jacob nodded towards him, hoping that it would be a question that he could handle.

“Is that why you didn’t take on your full role as alpha straight away?”

Jacob nodded, but figured that the group before him deserved more than that. They deserved to know what they were dealing with.

“The Black family are born alphas. It’s in their blood. In my blood. But when I was being recruited for the pack, the first time, I resisted. There was...there were other things that I didn’t want to let go of. I broke the rules a bit too much, and I didn’t understand why I could, when none of the others could. I wasn’t the first of the pack to change, and by the time I got there, they already had another alpha.”

“My Grandfather.” Sam whispered reverently. Sam Senior was a strong personality on the community. Everyone knew who he was, even if they didn’t know how he had achieved the power he held.

“Yes.” Jacob was at a loss for what to say. How much he should tell the kids. He didn’t want them to have all the facts, but opening a mental connection with them, when Jacob had memories enough to fill three of their lifetimes, it could overload them. He knew that he owed them the whole truth, and that he would need to tell them about Edward sooner or later. He sighed. From the beginning then.

“When I was about sixteen, maybe younger, the cold-ones returned to Forks. They call themselves the Cullens. There were seven of them. Carlisle and Esme, kind of the parents of the family. Alice and Jasper. Rosalie and Emmett. And Edward. They lived just out of town, close to the reservation, but not too close. Just secluded enough that they had privacy. The ‘kids’ all attended Forks high school. I think that it was about that time, maybe a bit later when Sam turned.”

It was Jack who raised his hand this time. With a disdainful note in his voice, he spoke when Jacob indicated.

“Family?”

Jacob nodded. Everything that they had told these kids about vampires, in general didn’t fit with the Cullens. All of the Quileute youths knew the stories of the Cullens, the ‘vegetarian’ vampires, but hearing and believing were two completely different tasks.

“Most vampires are extremely loyal. They form groups, clans, covens, and in some cases families. The Cullens were definitely a family. Ask your relatives about them sometime. Anyway, Bella came back to town. Bella Swan. She attended Forks with the Cullens. And she fell for Edward. He fell back just as hard. But Bella,” Jacob chuckled at the memory. “She was a klutz, a trouble magnet as well as a supernatural one. I swear, vampires travelled all the way across the country to pay her a visit, and I’m not talking the congratulatory kind. Trying to contain her wedding was difficult enough with all the vegetarian bloodsuckers, but-”

“Wedding? She married that monster?” It was Jack that spoke again, the discrimination even more evident in his tone. Jacob understood the boy’s anger. He didn’t know the Cullens like Jacob did. And all of what Jacob was telling him went well against what he had been taught to believe.

“Yes.” Jacob shot back, feeling his own anger rising. He knew what it was like to hate them, but he couldn’t stand hearing it form Jack. Saying it, believing it in his own mind, was one thing, hearing it from another was completely different.

“But they-”

Jacob shot Jack a warning glance, and Sam leaned back a little, giving Jack a look. It seemed to work, as the boy quieted down and let Jacob speak.

“They planned on turning Bella after the wedding. We were going to allow it-” Jack nearly interrupted again, but Jacob growled, low in his chest and barely audible. Jack shrunk back. “It was her choice. Sam thought that the pact, the contract that we forged with the vampires, could be twisted, as long as the bite wasn’t involuntary. I was just as disgusted as you, believe me. I begged Sam to stop them.” Jacob couldn’t stop the memory of pain seeping into his words. He had wanted Bella to stay human, to stay with him, to be happy, but she had chosen her own destruction.

When he looked up, he could see five pair of eyes blinking at him. For once, they all held the same expression. They shared Jacob’s pain, even though the very weak empathic link.

“She went away with him, some sick, twisted concept of a ‘normal’ honeymoon. I thought that when she came back, she would be…” Jacob trailed off remembering his darkest fears from that time. He shuddered when he thought about what had come back instead.

“When she…When she did come back, it was much worse than what we had expected. They said she was sick, I thought that that meant she was dead, but…” Jacob could barely continue. Talking about Bella had been bad enough, but these memories…they still felt so new, so raw, and he didn’t want to be sharing them. Like an injury or a weakness, Jacob just wanted to curl up in some dark corner and lick his wound until they festered. But the boys in front of him were enraptured, hanging on his every word, and he had started his story. He had to finish it. 

“She was pregnant.” Jacob’s heart rode out the shocked gasps, trying not to be too jostled. He was wearing it on his sleeve. He questioned his choice to share this with the boys. Openly and willingly he was giving them power over him. Perhaps it would have been better just to show them in his mind. It was too late now, but dredging up these memories was almost as painful as having lived through them. Jacob sighed and continued.

“I was the first one to find out. I went and told the rest of the pack, I had no choice. Bella was intent on getting her way, and she wanted to have the baby. One of the vampires was protecting her. When I got back to the wolves, they all knew what had happened. Sam wanted to kill it. He was afraid of the child, of what it would do. I didn’t want to let them hurt Bella. I was already broken at that point,” Jacob suddenly realised what he had said, that he had been broken, but he pushed on anyway. “They planned to go after the cold-ones, forbade me to warn them. It would have worked, too. I was not alpha, but I realised at that moment that I was the grandson of Ephraim Black. It was my rightful position. So I rebelled. For her. For them. I ran away from my pack, after demanding obedience from Sam. I ran right back to her. A few wolves came with me.”

Harley was looking up with pride. No doubt he knew that at least one of those wolves had been his blood. The other wolves in the room were looking stunned. It had probably never occurred to them that they could question the power of their alpha. Jacob worried a little at having given them the idea. There was still a lot that he wasn’t telling them, and if he didn’t learn how to hide it, he might had a munity on his hands. Even his bloodline might not stand up to the disobedience of all five younglings.

There was no stopping the words as they flowed, however.

“We came to a sort of uneasy stalemate. We protected the Cullens, while they hunted, and while they waited. It wasn’t the best situation that I’ve ever gotten myself into, but I just kept telling myself that we were there to protect Bella. In the end, none of it mattered. The baby was growing fast, too fast to be human. For the first time in a long time, the Cullens were unsure of the future. When the baby came, it was unexpected.” Jacob spared the horrified boys any description of the messy death, the baby chewing its way out of Bella’s stomach, the blood and the screams.

“Bella died, and the Cullens took the baby away before I was able to find it. Sam had been right, it was dangerous. We should have just…Anyway, shortly after, the Cullen’s left. Like I said, vampires are extremely loyal.”

Jacob realised that despite having covered barely a third of his lifetime, he’d almost come to the end of his story. He had wasted so much of his life and had nothing to show for it.

“I dedicated myself to waiting for Edward to come back. I was determined that he would pay for what he had done to her. That’s why I didn’t turn, even though it’s been about fifty years.” Jacob didn’t know what else to say. He wasn’t ready to tell them about Edward, not while the looks of disgust and anger still lingered on their faces. He wasn’t going to let them kill Edward, but right now they looked like they would love to pick up where he had left off. He still needed time. He just hoped that he could get Edward to leave before any of the boys got too enthusiastic.

No one spoke. Jacob fidgeted uncomfortably at the front of the room, no longer the focus of their attention. He knew that they were all busy trying to digest the story that they had just been told. It was a lot of information. Harley, of course, recovered first.

“Did you ever find him?” Jack nodded, glaring maliciously out of the window, as if hoping a vampire would materialise. Harley’s question held none of the aggression that Jack was running on, but Jacob still wished that the boy had never spoken. He didn’t want to, couldn’t really, lie to the boys. He was already picking up words, emotions, the stuff going on in their heads. Jacob couldn’t hold up the dam that separated his mind from theirs for much longer. They would know soon enough. He could only censor the information he was giving them for so long.

“Yes.”

“Did you kill him?”

“No.”

“Why?” It was actually Sam who had spoken. He was radiating a silent anger that didn’t look quite right in his small frame. There was something up with the boy. Jacob’s eyes flew to Jack, whose entire body was quaking with his own anger, maybe seconds away from shifting. Sam was the same, though his anger looked…borrowed.

“Outside, now.” 

The alpha tone worked, and Jacob was grateful that they were all out of his house within seconds. He followed them outside. Jack was already in wolf form, running around the clearing in the garden. The others were standing together. Sam looked contained, controlled, but strained. Jacob knew that he was holding back the change.

“Alright guys, we may as well try to work off some of this aggression.”

All of the boys looked relieved as they shifted into wolf mode. The next two hours were spent in a frenzied training session. The more Jacob looked, the more he felt that he had to speak with Sam. There was something up with the boy, but he couldn’t quite tell what it was.

He’d go see Edward once more, see if he could train his mind to do what he wanted, and then he would have to activate the mental link. Fully. Accept his place, officially, as their alpha. Jacob was beginning to worry that his hesitation was doing more bad than it was good.

 


	9. Chapter 9

Edward made his way down the stairs to find Jacob sitting comfortably on one of his couches. Edward finished towelling his hair dry and discarded the wet cloth onto one of the other seats. As soon as he had done it he felt guilty and knew that he would have to pick it up later. Esme wouldn’t like it if he ruined the fabrics on _all_ the chairs, and he had already done enough damage where his family was concerned. If he looked really closely, even a small thing like keeping the house pristine could be viewed as repentance.

He sighed as he looked at his visitor. Jacob had turned up at his house, as promised, about fifteen minutes ago, the wolf’s new smell announcing his arrival about five minutes before his selected thoughts pervaded Edward’s head. Edward had been having a shower in one of the barely used bathrooms, and hadn’t seen the point in answering, or in rushing. Jacob wasn’t going to leave. He’d made that abundantly clear. At least this time wolf-boy was fully clothed.

“Since when do vampires take showers?” Jacob seemed to be asking too many questions in that strain lately. What did it matter to the wolfling what Edward decide to do with his time?

Edward thoughts he may as well answer. Not that he owed Jacob anything, but it was nice to talk to someone who wasn’t a ghost, and wasn’t a figment dancing around in his imagination. 

“Since rather recently. I was wondering what to do last night, after you’d left, and the shower was right there. I figured I may as well, there was nothing else to occupy my time.”

“So you’ve been in the shower since last night? That’s weird.”

Edward could feel Jacob’s eyes on him as he sat down in another of the empty chairs.

“Is it?”

“Yep.” Edward couldn’t bring himself to care. He considered asking Jacob what he was doing here, but he already knew, and besides, Edward just felt like he was repeating himself.

So he’d made it on to Jacob’s suicide watch as well. Perfect. Just perfect. Why were all these people trying to tell him what he could and could not do?

He didn’t want to live in a world where Bella’s ghost continued to torment him. He couldn’t. He just wanted to sleep. But it seemed like that wasn’t going to be happening anytime soon.

“Okay. I’m obviously living. I haven’t tried to off myself today, and I see that it would be pointless to continue to plan to. You came, you saw, could you leave now?”

Jacob just shook his head.

Edward allowed his posture to relax. There was no point trying to be polite. Jacob had never responded well to that kind of persuasion. Edward wanted to go back upstairs and hop back in the shower. It had been calming, relaxing even, to stand under the warm spray of water. Even when the water had run cold, a problem that Edward intended to have fixed as soon as possible, it had still been warmer than his skin. The steam had filled the room, and Edward could almost imagine that he was still whole. That his mind hadn’t shattered like safety glass, spilling into a thousand pieces that could never be put back together. Edward could imagine that nothing else existed beyond the swirling whiteness and the heat. There were no ghosts, as he stood under the spray from the shower head. He had escaped them.

They weren’t here now. Not when Jacob was here. The man’s presence was enough to stay the frightful monsters of Edward’s mind, to force him to cling on to a final remaining shred of sanity. The shred that, in the moments where he was at his worse, burned like white hot coals and Edward wanted to throw away. Out into the darkness of the windy night.

Jacob hadn’t said anything as he looked at Edward, but as he leaned forward, Edward could tell that this visit was more than just a check-up.

He sighed and lolled back in his chair, unwilling to hear anything that Jacob had to stay. Edward might not mind the man’s presence, but he would prefer that he stay silent.

“Kids on the reservation are changing.”

Edward didn’t react to Jacob’s statement, but his mind began racing.

He hadn’t thought of that.

Of course, if there were more wolves, inexperienced and blood thirsty, maybe he still had a chance-

“They don’t know about you, and I’m not going to tell them unless I have to. I’m the alpha, none of them will be able to hurt you without my say so.”

Edward’s heart fell. He must have let some of his hope show on his face, and Jacob had shot it down. Again.

“I said that I would keep coming back. And I meant it, but I can’t do this for long. You should go back to your family. The pack will stay wolfed out until you leave, and there’s no reason for them to be torn away from their normal lives for any more time than they already have. If you leave, they can go back to being who they were.”

Edward considered it. The thought of leaving this ghost house left him feeling worse than ever, empty and ripped open. He remembered what it had been like living in a house where her name had been avoided like a curse. He couldn’t live like that again, without even the ghost of her warmth that gave him the strength to give up. He didn’t want to leave her again. A tiny voice somewhere in his subconscious spoke angrily, insidiously telling Edward that Jacob was trying to get between him and Bella. Again. Edward pushed it back.

“And what about you?” Edward asked Jacob, trying to find a chink in that armour so that he could insult Jacob into leaving him alone. “Will you just go back to your ‘normal’ life when I leave?”

“I don’t know what I’ll do. I don’t know what I’ll do without a purpose and without the makeshift family that I’m trying very hard to do the best for.” Edward was shocked by the honesty of Jacob’s answer. Whatever he had been expecting, this was not it.

“But I know what I won’t do. I won’t drown myself in her memories again. I’m going to live like she would have wanted me to live. I’m not going to give up, because if I do, than I may as well say that I never loved her. She would have wanted me-she would have wanted _you_ to be happy.” Jacob was still leaning forward, face losing the half bored/half amused façade that he had adopted upon walking in. Edward listened to him draw parallels between the two of them and felt his anger growing. 

“Do you think-” Edward began, but he was cut off by the floodgate protecting Jacob’s mind was lifted and memories and thoughts began to flow into Edward’s mind. All sorts of things, from childhood memories to newly found hope for the future. It assaulted Edward like shrapnel, confusing and painful. He couldn’t make any sense of the information as it bombarded him. He realised too late that he had been unconsciously reaching out, trying to pick the lock to Jacob’s brain, find out why he was unable to hear the wolf. When Jacob had let go, Edward’s mind had been open, ready to receive, but this was too much.

Just as quickly as they’d come, the memories stopped. Edward hadn’t felt himself move, but he was no longer lying lazily over the chair. His back was pressed hard into the cushions, and Edward could feel the hard backboard behind them, almost at the point of cracking. His hands were clenched on the arm rests, which had splintered in his fingers.

Jacob had moved too. He was kneeling by Edward’s chair, looking worried and whispering softy. As the echoes of thoughts dissolved into silence in his head, Edward was able to hear what Jacob was saying. The wolf was apologising, over and over, his voice sounding sincere. Edward caught his gaze. Softly, Jacob released a single thought from his head, tentatively reaching out to Edward as if he were truly afraid that he would hurt him.

It wasn’t words that Jacob let him see, but emotion. Jacob’s shock and worry at seeing Edward tense, his urgency to make sure that Edward was okay. Through it all, the mix of feelings, Edward could see Jacob’s apology, knew that it was real. The thoughts had not been an attack, they had simply been Jacob trying to let Edward into his head again.

Edward didn’t realise that he was still tensed until Jacob touched him. He recoiled in shock as the hot skin touched his own. Jacob wasn’t dissuaded. He removed his fingers, but only so that Edward could watch their slow path back toward his hand. He considered attacking, every fibre of his being was telling him that Jacob was dangerous, Jacob was only here to try and trick him into something, but Edward didn’t move. He stayed completely still, waiting for that touch to once again sear his marble skin.

Jacob let his fingers touch the back of Edward’s hand, slowly moving them to pull at Edward’s stiff fingers, Edward realised that he was still destroying the furniture and allowed Jacob to move his fingers away from the splintered ends of the armrest. Once he was a little more relaxed, Jacob moved away, going to sit back down on the couch. Giving the man his personal space.

 As Jacob had leaned close, Edward had recognised the smell that he had picked up when Jacob had come to kill him, and then smelt again yesterday. It was pleasant, not the dusty odour of the closed up house, and Edward inhaled in deeply into his lungs. It wasn’t like anything that he had smelt before. Since he had been turned, the only things that smelt his good had been edible, but Jacob didn’t smell like that. Jacob had never smelt like something Edward would ever want to smell, let alone drink, but this was so different.

Edward exhaled the breath to ask a question. The thoughts Jacob had sent his way were trying to arrange themselves in the back of his mind, he couldn’t stop sorting through them. A voice in the back of his mind told him that something was wrong, but he ignored it. When had anything ever been right lately?

“Why do you care?”

Jacob shrugged, and Edward could see that the man really didn’t know.

“I guess it’s because Bella cared about you so much. She wouldn’t have wanted you to be in pain. Maybe she kinda taught me to care about you.”

Edward snorted, but couldn’t deny the sense of peace hearing her name had brought him.

“You were hell bent on killing me.”

Jacob shrugged. “That’s true. But I guess I changed my mind.”

Edward nodded. Jacob had been able to put Bella to rest or at least begin to. Edward doubted that he would ever be able to do the same. To see her ghost disappear forever.

“If you’re not going to leave Forks,” Edward crinkled up his nose at the suggestion, which Jacob took for agreement. “I will be coming back to see you tomorrow.”

“Okay Doctor. What’s your suggestion? A prescription maybe?”

Edward didn’t know why he was joking, but he found encouragement in the smile that crinkled the corners of Jacob’s eyes. The hint of wrinkles, non-existent as they truly were, was enough to remind Edward of exactly how old Jacob was. Of how long he had waited for Edward, and how quickly he’d been able to turn his life around.

If Jacob could do it, Edward couldn’t help but feel hope for himself.

Jacob thought for a moment.

“Another long shower. If I were as lucky as you, I would never get out of the shower. And besides, you smell a lot better today.”

Edward chose to ignore the last part of Jacob’s advice. His mind fixated on a single word. Not a word anyone had used to describe him in a long time. Not one that really fit.  

“Lucky? Why’s that?”

Jacob smiled, obviously glad that Edward was playing along.

“You’re hands and feet don’t go all old and wrinkly. You should see what we human’s look like when we stay in the shower for too long. It ages you about twenty years.”

Edward shared a little bit of Jacob’s smile as he looked down at his smooth skin. The pads of his fingers were the same as always. It hardly made him consider himself lucky. He thought that it was a stupid thing to be grateful about, but he was surprised to find that he was grateful anyway.

Staring down at his fingertips, focusing on the feeling of his bare feet on the floor, trying to figure out what it would be like to have wrinkled skin, something resolved itself in the corner of his mind. He turned back to Jacob, who was still looking at him with a wacky grin plastered onto his face.

“You don’t think about her?” Jacob’s smile faltered, and there was a sharp glint in his eyes that Edward was pretty sure hadn’t been there before he had spoken.

“I think about her all the time.” Jacob answered.

“But in your thoughts. You let me see everything, and I didn’t see her.”

Jacob didn’t answer straight away, but sat staring across the room, at nothing in particular, seemingly lost in thought. When he did look at Edward, he seemed a bit more resolved, and the edge in his gaze was gone. It was softer.

“I’m sorry. About what I did when I came back here that night. I used her to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you any more Edward.”

There was an open look about Jacob, and suddenly Edward wanted to reassure him that it was okay. Jacob had saved his life, and yet the boy was here now, trying to apologize. Edward didn’t deserve it.

But he was unable to push the words past a lump that had risen in his throat, so the words stuck there. He hoped that one day he would be able to thank Jacob, congratulate him, and apologize to him. For now, all he could do was nod.

 

*

 

Jacob had gone, saying something about his ‘boys’, but Edward hadn’t really been paying attention to him. He paid attention now though. Without Jacob there, the house felt a little emptier, but more alive than it had felt in months. Edward was surprised to find that he was almost glad that Jacob had come over, and stayed a while. It made the emptiness a little easier to face when the house smelled like dirt and outside, and salt and a whole lot of things that Edward barely recognised.

 


	10. Chapter 10

Jacob expected the rest of the pack any moment. Usually they would all arrive at the same time, as if they were all running off the same clock. Jacob grinned to himself, standing alone in the doorway to his home. These boys had a bond that Jacob could barely remember having. He tried to recall what it had been like when he had first joined the pack, when he had realised that he had a family larger than he could ever have imagined. But he didn’t remember it being like it was between these boys. Even though the pack was only half formed, this group showed the rest of them up.

Jacob’s smile turned to a frown. He needed to get a move on and stitch the pack together. Despite their strengths, Jacob thought that he could detect hairline cracks forming between members. They needed him to do this properly, especially if Edward wasn’t going to budge.

Jacob straightened up as Sam emerged from the trees. He smiled at the boy, who smiled shyly back. No other figures came through the trees, nor did anyone come in from the direction of the road. Sam had come alone, before the others. Strange, Jacob thought. Sam came closer, sat down in one of the white plastic chairs on his lawn. The day was warm, no hint of the snow that was melting away upon the mountains.

Jacob could see the tension in the boy’s shoulders. Sam didn’t speak, but Jacob knew that he was just trying to work up the courage to broach the subject. Jacob didn’t know why Sam was here, but he was curious about what the boy had to say. He remembered watching Sam quietly trying to hold in his anger the other day. Jacob didn’t know a lot about Sam, and the boy had hidden depths that he couldn’t even guess at. He approached slowly, knowing that, whatever Sam had come to talk about, it had to be important, and they didn’t have much time. The others would be here soon.

Jacob sat in one of the other chairs, relaxing in the warm sun. Sam had his eyes fixed on his fidgeting fingers. Jacob wished that he knew how to make the boy more comfortable.

“What brings you here Sam?” He kept his voice light and casual, but made sure that the kid would hear the acceptance and openness in his tone.

“I’m sorry about yesterday.” Sam began in a small voice. Jacob knew better than to interrupt him. “I didn’t mean to get so angry, it was just…” Sam didn’t meet his eyes. Jacob could see that the boy was trying to evade the truth, to tell Jacob just enough that he wouldn’t think there was something else going on. Unfortunately for Sam, Jacob had been a teenager for too long not to recognise the signs.

“Sam, whatever it is, you should tell me now.”

Sam didn’t speak, didn’t look up. Jacob saw his frown, like a childish denial.

“Today, I’m taking my rightful place as alpha. You won’t be able to hide anything from the rest of us. It’s better to tell me now. Maybe I can help.” Sam’s eyes shot up and he looked at Jacob with unadulterated horror in his eyes.

“It’s okay,” Jacob quickly tried to reassure him. “I can help.”

“It’s…it’s just…”

Jacob took a shot in the dark, hoping that he would find his target.

“Yesterday, that wasn’t your anger that nearly caused you to shift, was it?” Sam’s shoulders sunk. Bullseye.

“I don’t know why, but he was angry, so I-”

“Who?” Jacob thought back to the faces in the room. “Jack?”

Sam nodded. Jacob could almost feel the confusion that the boy was feeling.

“You two share a connection already?” Sam nodded.

“Oh.” Jacob said, at a loss for what to say. Then it hit him. What Sam was saying, Why the boy was here.

“ _Oh._ ”

Sam sunk even deeper in defeat. He looked miserable.

“Does Jack know?” Even as Jacob asked, he doubted that Sam had been able to keep it from his friend.

Sam half nodded, half shook his head. “I think that he knows, but he doesn’t want to hear it, so he just ignores it. But I know how he feels. We’ve known each other for such a long time. I know how he feels about me. Please,” Sam begged. “Don’t tell the others. I know that…in the old stories…but I don’t want them to know.”

Jacob was stunned. He was glad that Sam felt that he could tell him, and he truly felt horrible about the situation that Sam found himself in, but he didn’t see how he could help. He understood just how much courage it had taken the boy to come out to Jacob. Once the thought sharing began, though, Sam wouldn’t be able to deny it. That led Jacob to another thought. There was something in Sam’s voice, as he vouched for Jack’s own feelings, that Jacob found very familiar. He recognised the repressed pain and doubt of possibly unrequited love.  

“You didn’t imprint, did you?”

“No,” Sam scoffed. “That’s not the way it works.”

Absently Jacob nodded his agreement.

“Sam, I don’t think that I can help you. Maybe you should tell the boys, now, today, before they find out any other way.”

Sam looked on the edge of tears as he stared at Jacob. He looked back down at his hands and his next words were mumbled. Jacob leaned forward to hear them.

“I heard my grandfather…he said that you knew how to conceal thoughts from the pack? I thought maybe…you could help me.”

Jacob wished, with all of his being, that he could.

“I do know how to conceal thoughts.” Jacob hated to squash the hopeful look that rose to Sam’s features. “But it took me ages to figure out. I trained for months with the pack, years, and even then I didn’t have it right. I’m sorry, but we don’t have enough time for me to teach you. It would be better to get it out in the open now.”

Sam choked back a sob. Jacob didn’t envy the boy.

“Please, just help me. I don’t want…” Sam trailed off, and Jacob nearly flinched as the boy’s voice broke. He wanted to protect the kid, to stop him from feeling the immense sorrow that wormed its way between them. The emotional and mental link between all of them was growing stronger. He knew that the other boys were on their way. They’d be at Jake’s in less than a minute.

“Okay.” Jacob said, uneasy about the promise he was about to make. “When the link comes...online, I’ll try to help you. I’ll do what I can, but Sam,” He waited for the boy to look at him, hating the hope and trust that he saw in Sam’s face. He didn’t know if he could really help. “I’m not saying that I can stop them from finding out. It’ll be hard, I don’t know if we can do it. But I’ll try. I still think that it would be better if you-”

Sam’s emotions took a sudden turn, flowing easily from pained to happy and excited. Jacob knew that they had run out of time. The other wolves came into the yard, approaching from different directions. Jacob welcomed them with a smile, but inside he couldn’t quell his worry about the whole situation.

 

*

 

It was times like this that Jacob wished he was a little more human. Wished that his physical fatigue would match his mental exhaustion. But he didn’t bruise, his limbs didn’t tire out. It wasn’t his body that wanted to collapse onto the neared horizontal surface and sleep until it was tomorrow. Or the next day.

He had been an alpha before. For about a week. For a pack of three people. Turned out this wasn’t all that different. Jacob had been born to be alpha, and it was as natural as breathing to him. It had been harder to let someone else be alpha.

They would have to be careful, but Jacob had managed to keep Sam’s secret from the others. He’d been keeping a close eye on Sam and Jack, and on their interactions, but had been able to keep the reason to himself. It had earned him a confused and amused look from Jack, but he thought that everyone was a little bit too occupied to notice anything.  

It had taken a lot out of him though. Catching Sam’s thoughts, his emotions, before they flew too far. He was tired.

The new wolves had wanted to test the range of their new capabilities. Jacob, not being new at this, wasn’t about to deny them the excitement of exploration. They had paired off. Jacob didn’t want them going off alone. Sam and Kallem. Harley and Pond; Jacob hoped that one would be able to talk even a little bit of sense into the other. Jacob had taken Jack with him. When he had arranged the couples there had been a few groans of displeasure, but since he was now officially the alpha there was nothing more they could do. They were a team now. He wasn’t about to have them forming their own little factions and leaving people out.

Sam had shot him a wary look as they separated. Jack didn’t seem to mind that he’d been paired with the old guy, though. He looked about him with a bit of pride, feeling that he’d been chosen to take his rightful place as Jake’s beta. Jacob hadn’t meant the decision as an act of distinction, but he didn’t correct Jack. It was probably the right choice anyway.

Jacob kept a careful eye on the two boys. He remembered Sam’s tone as he had assured Jacob of his belief. That Jack felt the same way about him. Sam had been absolutely determined but it had come out sounding like he was reassuring himself. The slight hint of doubt had made Jacob dubious.

But as Jacob watched the boys, he couldn’t help but see it. He believed that Sam was right.

But Jacob would never admit it, maybe even to himself. Of that Jacob was equally certain.

They had all headed off in different directions, keeping in contact across the distance. They hadn’t reached the limit to their communications before it started to get dark, and Jacob had told them to head back. He was impressed, happy with the result of solidifying the group.

Jacob had been worried about the amount of emotional damage that he was dumping on the kids, but they had taken it in their strides, with barely a shuddering groan. Jacob tried to be as open with them as he could. The only thing that he held back was Edward. He was there, of course, in Jacob’s memories of Bella, and of the Cullens. But everything else, going to the house and finding Edward, feeding him, Jacob kept that to himself.

The wolves had all been running on a high when they met up in Jacob’s yard. They were so excited about the new things that they were discovering. As they laughed and fooled around, Jacob watched them. Envied them a little. They all looked carefree. It seemed that nothing mattered to them in this moment. They were young, they’d just been told that they had abilities that defied the laws of nature. And they had a family. Who wouldn’t be celebrating? Even Sam looked utterly untroubled. Jacob supposed that there were more important, more spectacular thing to think of, and that their conversation earlier could be buried under all of that.

Alone in his house, darkness pouring into the room through the open windows, couldn’t stop thinking about the conversation. He’d carefully kept himself from thinking about it while he had been with the pack, the thoughts always transferred better when they were all together and in wolf form, but bow he couldn’t stop the thoughts from coming.

Sparing a thought for Sam and Jack, who were unable to do the same, Jacob switched off his mind from the mental link. It was a lot quieter in his mind when it was only him.

Something Sam had said had been bugging Jacob. When he had asked Sam whether he had imprinted, and he had immediately replied in the negative.

_That’s not the way it works._

Jacob had never thought about it much. Imprinting was supposed to be an instinctual thing. Some evolutionary chain to create a future generation. So a man couldn’t imprint on another man.

It didn’t bother Jacob that Sam was gay, it had long been acceptable in their community. It bothered him that Sam was worried about it. Jacob knew that in a younger generation, where culture mattered less, and outside influences mattered so much more, homosexuality took on a different hue.

Jacob shuddered when he thought about the consequences of a gay man imprinting. He didn’t know what it was like to imprint, at least he had no firsthand experience, but he knew that it was all consuming, and sappy, and uncontrollable. He’d seen his friends imprint, _felt_ them imprint. Whether it was just a thing for natural selection and reproduction or not, it was strong.

Jacob remembered the sad chuckle Sam had spared him while they had been speaking. It was evident that the boy thought that he would never imprint, but Jacob guessed that he would. One day, when the right person came along, his own identity would be completely rewritten by the wolf gene.

It was bittersweet really. Sam wouldn’t have to worry about the pack finding out and possibly judging him, although Jacob doubted that they would. But he would have no give up an integral part of himself, something that made him who he was. Jacob reflected on what being a wolf had taken from him, and wondered how Sam would face the coming challenges.

 _He’s stronger than you give him credit for_ , a voice in his head crooned. _He’s find a way to deal with this. After all, you did. He’ll just lie to himself, just like-_

Jacob pushed the thought away. Now wasn’t the time to be thinking about things that he had no power to change. It was depressing to think about problems for which he had no answer.

Jacob tried to think of other things, but his mind wouldn’t settle. The voice continued, but Jacob ignored it. It was the same voice that had been plaguing him since Edward’s return, since he’d decided to help the man he had intended to kill. It was the voice that Jacob was hoping would just fade into the background, before he had to listen to it, actually hear what it was saying.

The house suddenly seemed so small. And so loud. Jacob couldn’t clear his thought in the crowded rooms. Grabbing his coat and keys, he escaped out to his car, hoping it would take him somewhere new.

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

“Why don’t you open up the other rooms?”

Edward glanced over to see Jacob slouching on the couch again. The wolf had taken to coming over most mornings, unannounced of course, for the last few weeks. Edward, having been completely prepared to hate the intrusion that disrupted his busy routine of self-loathing, was surprised to find that he enjoyed the man’s company.

Edward knew that the darkness that he had fallen into so many times was still waiting for him. The seething blackness still existed somewhere within him, telling that he shouldn’t want to see Jacob, that he should want to be alone, completely alone and completely at its mercy. It came closer to the surface when Jacob left, and was almost at the point of consuming him before Jacob returned. But something was keeping it at bay. Edward guessed, with astonishment, that it was Jacob’s presence, and the alarmingly dichotomous mixture of familiar and unfamiliar that was the scent the wolf always left behind. Whatever it was, Edward was grateful.

Part of his mind was horribly guilty. He knew that he didn’t deserve to be happy. He didn’t deserve to enjoy any part of life, since it had been his own foolish actions that had stripped Bella of her own. He’d always hated himself in a way, whether it was because of what he was or what he had done it didn’t matter. The death of his wife had only given that part of him extra ammunition.

But the rest of him told him that Bella would have hated who he had become in his darkest months. Bella had flown halfway around the globe to stop him from revealing himself, in Italy. Even after he had left her, callously casting her aside, never revealing just how much it cut him up inside to do so. She had done so with the firm belief that he would just leave again. Bella had always seen the better parts of him. Hell, she _was_ the better part of him. He needed to stay alive for her. He’d lived on the outskirts of happiness because she would have wanted him to at least have a chance for more. He could keep going.

Her memory, the memory of her love and her willingness to sacrifice anything; that was enough to reawaken Edward’s will to live.

So he was glad that Jacob continued to torment him. They were both doing it for Bella.

“Hmmmm?” Edward asked, not because he forgot the question, but to buy himself time in considering the answer.

“You’ve got a huge house.” Jacob didn’t repeat the question. _He probably knows that I heard him the first time,_ Edward mused. “Why do you only live in two of the rooms?”

“Three.” Edward corrected. The bathroom _was_ a room, after all.

“Fine. Three.”

Jacob was looking at Edward expectantly, so Edward got up from the piano and joined Jacob on one of the couches. He’d had to throw away the one that he had destroyed, and the one he’d stained, weeks ago.

Edward had been sitting in front of the piano when Jacob had come in silently. He hadn’t been playing, just looking at the sheet music and the black and white keys before him, wishing that the melody would flow through his head like it used to.

Now, sitting with Jacob, he shrugged.

“It’s not my house.”

Jacob gave him a looked that clearly conveyed that he didn’t understand.

“I have my room, and the communal areas. The rest are my family’s rooms. It wouldn’t feel right taking their personal spaces. There is no need for me to use the kitchen, obviously,” Edward continued, with a quick gesture towards the closed door that lead to that particular facility. “So I only need the three rooms.”

“I think I understand what you’re saying, but man,” Jacob looked around himself with something akin to awe. “If I had a house like this I would be using every square inch.”

Edward just shrugged. Jacob couldn’t understand what it was like to be part of a family like his.

 _No_ , Edward thought, _that’s probably not true_. Jacob had his pack. That’s the closest thing to his own clan that he could think of. They were all from different places, all completely unique individuals, who share something that can’t really be explained by outsiders who witness it. _A family_ , Edward thought.

Jacob had a new pack. Edward hadn’t spoken about the new group of youngsters, and Jacob had only even mentioned them briefly. Edward severely wished that he had the ability to leave, but no matter how much he was slowly improving, he wasn’t recovered that much. He knew that it was selfish, to hold onto the fading presence, Bella’s ghost, when his being in Forks was uprooting children from their lives, but he couldn’t think about going. Not yet.

He felt guilty, since the pack was his fault, so he didn’t ask Jacob about them. Thinking about it now, though…

They were his family. Jacob was probably extremely fond of them, and fantastically proud. He and Jacob didn’t always talk, mostly they both just sat there and stared into the distance, but now Edward considered all of the casual mentions that Jacob had dropped into their casual conversations. He supposed Jacob wouldn’t mind talking about the kids in his charge.

“How’s the pack going?”

Jacob’s face brightened, but Edward couldn’t help but notice the way the man’s shoulders tensed slightly. Edward had never needed to study body language to know if he was being lied to. He’d just read someone’s mind. But even he couldn’t miss the obviously unconscious stress reaction.

Edward had been right, Jacob was more than just willing to talk about the pack, he was overly enthusiastic. Edward watched and listened, surprised to see that the wolf’s posture never relaxed. When Jacob spoke he stared blindly across the room, not looking at Edward, but Edward could still read the emotions playing out on his face. Odd, Edward thought, as he took it all in.

He didn’t interrupt Jacob as he spoke. It seemed to Edward that Jacob had been collecting all of this information; stuff about the pack dynamics, how fast they were learning what he was teaching, all of it; but had had no one to share it with. It was a lot of information, and Jacob was probably driving himself slightly mad going over it alone.

Edward continued to watch as the man spoke. He caught himself thinking fondly of the man before him, it was impossible not to when hearing the fond way he spoke of his family. Edward knew that Jacob was a good man. It had been easy to ignore sometimes, but he had never doubted it. Watching Jacob animatedly describing the prank that one of his boys had pulled, Edward was struck by the sudden hope that they could be friends. He had only ever viewed Jacob as a threat. As an enemy, as a rival or as a means to an ends. But now, now that all of that was over, and Jacob had come back smelling less like a wet dog, maybe they could be friends.

The hope, stronger than the ghostly emotions that had been fuelling Edward’s rage and depression, caught him by surprise, and without thinking, he welcomed it into his consciousness. A friend. That would be nice.

Edward continued to watch. Jacob’s hands began gesticulating, his gestures growing wider and more impressive as he spoke about each of the wolves in turn. Still, the stress lingered in his posture. As Jacob described them, he shot a look towards Edward. Edward took note, but allowed Jacob to continue. He tallied up all of the subject that had caused Jacob to display excessive stress. Jacob had helped him out, now he would do what he could to return to favour. Jacob needed to talk about something, something that he was keeping couped up, and Edward was going to help him, if he could.

The Cullens had some rough patches in their history. Not everyone liked the idea of vegetarian vampires. They had had their share of…difficulties. Edward, being the mind-reader, had been the default choice for interrogator. In his role, he’d learnt that information had a way of just pouring out, if one knew which vein to tap. 

Jacob finished speaking. Edward saw him relax. Edward thought about everything that he knew about Jacob. How would he react to direct questioning? Should Edward just make general enquiries? Edward thought about just taking his chances, and jumped in with a casual comment.

“It sounds like this group diverges a fair bit from your legends.”

Jacob smiled.

“Yeah, we’ve never heard of a group like it.”

Edward didn’t know quite how to approach any tricky subjects, so he followed his own curiosity.

“Do you know why they’re so unique?”

Ah, Edward thought, as the stress returned. This was something that Jacob didn’t want to talk about. Perfect. Edward couldn’t help the man until he opened up.

“They have some theories.” Jacob didn’t offer anything else. Edward noted the exclusive language. _They_ , not we. Not I.

“Oh really?” Edward pressed, trying to sound casual but coming out with over the top aversion. Luckily, Jacob didn’t notice.

“Yeah.” Jacob sighed. Edward didn’t press again.

Carefully holding his breath, Edward waited. If Jacob was going to talk, then he was going to talk. There was only so much Edward could do. Jacob did _want_ to talk, but actually opening up was hard. Edward just wanted to help.

Edward could feel his excitement rising. Whatever it was that Jacob was not saying, there was a thrill in wanting to know. There had been little that the average mind could keep from him in the last century or so, and this…blank slate that Jacob’s mind had become, Edward’s curiosity was insatiable.

If he and Jacob did become friends, perhaps Jacob would trust him with the truth behind his new found power.

Edward almost smiled when Jacob began talking again, but managed to keep his emotions from registering on his face. He didn’t want Jacob to think that he was laughing at him.

Edward actually respected Jacob. He had always respected some things about the man, even though he had rarely trusted him, and mostly hated him.

Now that they had formed an unlikely and unstable alliance, and since Jacob had done so much to help him, he didn’t want to scare the man off, make him think that Edward was mocking him.

“They think that it’s me.”

“You?”

“Yeah. They…” Jacob seemed to be thinking, still considering whatever it was that ‘they’ had told him. It was obvious to Edward that something about this explanation made Jacob uncomfortable. “They think that because I never stopped shifting, because I stayed a wolf, that that somehow helped the new pack. It’s the only halfway decent explanation that they could come up with.”

“No one from your community has ever put off changing back like you have?”

“No.” Jacob smiled and chuckled softly. “They never had a reason to.”

“Oh.”

Edward knew all too well what Jacob’s reason had been.

“I suppose that makes sense.”

“I suppose.” Jacob echoed, still obvious distracted by his thoughts.

“What do you think?”

Jacob looked up at him, taken aback. He obviously wasn’t asked his opinion much these day. _And he had always been so willing to give it_ , Edward thought.

“Me?”

“Yes you. You said that ‘they’ think that’s why your pack’s different. What do you think?”

“I don’t know. I can’t think of any other reason, other than just dumb luck.”

“Why don’t you agree with them?” Edward watched as Jacob displayed aversion patterns. This was touching on the heart of the problem.

“I don’t know.”

“You can trust me, you know. It’s not like I can tell anyone.”

Jacob still looked like he didn’t want to share with a vampire.

“I’m sorry if I’m being a bit blunt. It’s just that I haven’t had a conversation like this for a very long time. It’s kind of fascinating to me.” Edward looked down at his hands, as if he were embarrassed by his own actions. The vulnerability that he showed seemed to do the trick.

“I don’t think that I will be a good leader.” Jacob’s voice was soft.

Edward had guessed that was the problem. He had been inside Jacob’s mind, the man had a well hidden inferiority complex. e suspecte

He had suspected, half a century ago, that his inferiority complex had been what had stopped Jacob from realising his own potential as an alpha. Even now, even after training and honing his skills for decades, Jacob couldn’t see his own strength. He would believe that he was going to do wrong by the boys, that he didn’t know enough to help them.

And then Jacob would probably take the opposite view into consideration as well. He’d see the bad in having changed too young, as well as the disadvantages of his actual age. He would think of his advanced years as a chasm between himself and the young people. Say that he had been young too long ago, and that he had forgotten how to relate to a younger generation.

Edward knew that Jacob was wrong. Whatever he had thought about the man when they met, and all of the judgements he had made since then, Edward had known all along that he was dealing with a born leader. There was something about Jacob that made people want to stand behind him. And it wasn’t just his impressive physique.

“You’re wrong.” Edward said. Jacob didn’t question, just continued staring at his hand. Probably categorising all of the reasons why he should pass the pack onto someone else, Edward mused. “You’re meant to be a leader.”

“But-”

“All leaders make mistakes.” Edward supplied, trying to pre-empt whatever it was that Jacob had been about to say.

“I know. I know that no one is perfect. Everyone blames the leaders when things go wrong, and things will almost always go wrong. But I’m still sure that I’m not the right person for these boys.”

“You’re the only person.” Jacob scoffed at the throwaway phrase. Apparently it wasn’t that simple.

“Packs don’t usually form on the back of a pre-existing wolf. The first person who changes is usually the alpha. Or one of the others will turn and then take their place. People learn on the job, you don’t get to have experience. It’s always worked in the past. Why should this group be any different?”

“Because it is different. They have you, were no group has ever had someone like you to guide them. You know more about what they’re becoming than they will be able to accumulate in their lifetime.”

“But that’s just it. I’ve been a wolf longer than anyone. And I haven’t been a man. I certainly haven’t been a good man. I lived on hate. I dragged myself into the wood, faced excruciating pain, so that I wouldn’t age, so that I could bring back the wolf. I don’t think that that’s the sort of experience that should be shared with these kids. They’re probably never even going to meet a vampire!” Edward didn’t say anything. Although there was no blame riding on the words, Edward could feel the implications lacing Jacob’s words.

All of the emotion that Jacob had faced, all of the pain that he had endured, it was just another chalk line on Edward’s blackboard. Another crime.

The pack would never meet a vampire. Their change was completely superfluous. And it was all because Edward wasn’t strong enough to leave this town. Because he’d been weak enough to return.

Jacob glanced at Edward. It obviously hadn’t been his intention to make Edward uncomfortable. Jacob looked as though he were about to reach forward and console Edward, but Edward held up his own hand to stop him from making the physical connection, He didn’t deserve Jacob’s reassurance. After all that he had forced him to do.

The least that he could do was listen, and see what he could do to help. Even if Jacob’s words had made him realise that he was not the right person to be hearing this.

“These things, what you’ve done,” Edward began slowly, hoping that Jacob would be willing to listen. “They don’t make you a bad person. Darkness, anger; they’re seductive. There is still so much good stuff that you can teach them. If you can block me, you might be able to block other vampires-”

“But I can’t-”

Jacob seemed intent on talking himself out of his position as alpha. Perhaps going along with him was the best tactic at the moment. Show Jacob how preposterous the suggestion was.

Edward remembered when Jacob had been talking about the boys. There was only really one candidate for alpha, if Jacob were going to give up the position.

“You think that he’s up to it?”

“Who?”

“Who do you think? Jack. He’s obviously going to be the alpha.”

Jacob looked uneasy with the concept.

“I’m not going to stop being the alpha.”

Edward was confused. What had they been talking about, if it wasn’t Jacob relinquishing his rightful place as the head of the pack? It was so difficult and confusing when he couldn’t just read someone’s mind to understand what they were going on about.

“But you said-”

“I’m not stupid,” Jacob paused, as if he expected Edward to argue. When Edward said nothing, Jacob just continued. It was a mark of how far they had come as acquaintances, that Edward had been able to hold his tongue. “I know that I can’t leave now. I wouldn’t want to. But the kids should have someone who understands them. Someone who can help them with anything, not just wolf problems.”

“Why can’t you be that person?”

Jacob shot him an exasperated look.

“I’ve lost count of how many years I’ve lived.” Jacob said nothing else, as if that was explanation enough.

“So have I.”

“But that’s differe-”

“Don’t say that it’s different. I’ve been living for a lot longer than you Jacob. And I spent most of my time in high school. So don’t talk to me about trying to relate to people who are a fraction of your age. I’ve been there, and believe me, I’ve done that.”

Jacob’s smile was a concession to the truth of Edward’s words.

“So you know that you’re different. You know that you don’t think the way that they do. But you can still help them. They are still facing the same problems that you did, when you were their age.”

“I wish it were that easy.”

“Believe me, it is.”

Jacob didn’t look relieved by Edward’s words. When Edward studied Jacob again, he saw that the stress had barely diminished at all, despite the information that had already been shared. Apparently, whatever was bugging Jacob, it wasn’t just his alpha status.

Jacob had already opened up, so Edward felt pretty confident using direct questions.

“What is it?”

Jacob’s look clearly said, what do you mean? Edward could see the signs, though, that told him he was close to the mark.

“There’s something else that’s troubling you. I know you, better that either of us might like. You can tell me. If it’s something with the pack. Like I said, I spent a lot of time around teens.”

Jacob was still hesitant. Edward could see him weighing up his options. He obviously had no one else he could share this with, but it was still Edward that he was speaking to, and no doubt every natural instinct was telling him that the vampire is not to be trusted. Edward waited, hoping that Jacob would continue to be open with him. It was wonderfully refreshing, after being trapped in a house of denial, only to escape to a house of ghosts.

“One of the boys, Sam…” Jacob trailed off, but Edward knew that there was little either of them could do to stop the words from coming.

“The grandson of your old alpha?”

“Yeah. He came to speak to me the other day.”

Edward waited. Jacob seemed to be having trouble with the words. Instead, Jacob sent him the memory.

While Jacob had been telling him about the pack, he had been letting a few stray thoughts through his shield. It was difficult to concentrate on keeping his thought in line when he was opening up, it seemed. As a result, Edward had seen the faces of all the boys.

He recognised Sam as he appeared out of the woods near what he supposed was Jacob’s house on the reservation. He watched the memory transpire. Jacob had sent this thought intentionally and Edward marvelled at the detail of it. This memory came with a great clarity. This was obviously something that Jacob had spent a lot of time thinking about.

He supposed that this method of sharing was easier for Jacob, but the man still hung his head in his hands while Edward watched the thought. And re-watched it. No doubt, Jacob felt like he had just betrayed Sam’s trust. With a vampire.

Edward was glad that he had. This was obviously something that had been eating him up from the inside. Edward didn’t quite understand why though.

“Oh.” He said, thinking that he should say something, but not knowing what should be said.

“That’s what I said.” Jacobs said as he straightened up and took his head from his hands.

“You’re helping him keep it from the rest of the pack.”

Jacob nodded. “He asked me to. He’s worried about what they will think.”

“What do you think?”

Jacob merely shrugged. 

“Things like this, they have a way of coming out, whether you want them to or not. Especially in this situation.” Edward contributed. “He should tell them. Chances are they already know.”

Jacob frowned. He obviously thought that the rest of the group was completely clueless. Not very likely.

“Well, is there anything I can do to help?”

Jacob actually snorted.

“Yeah, I suppose not,” Edward amended. “You should be able to deal with this, though. I mean, what did you do when you were in his position?”

“I-” Jacob seemed to register what Edward had said.

Edward knew, a second before it happened, that he had said something wrong. Jacob panicked, staring wide eyed at Edward. He jumped up, backing away from the vampire with his arms outstretched, as if he were warding off an actual attack. Edward began to rise, to reassure Jacob that it was okay, he didn’t have to leave. But Jacob turned and flew out the door. He was gone before Edward could even open his mouth.

Edward tried to figure out what he’d done wrong. He followed Jacob’s scent out the door, staring out at the expanse of trees into which the man had disappeared.

A beautiful car was still resting in the driveway. _Jacob’s_ , Edward thought.

Shit.

The boy had obviously shifted, unable to contain the emotions that had suddenly sprung up. Edward remembered the terror that he had seen on Jacob’s face, still trying to figure out when the conversation had gone awry.

Then it hit him.

_Shit._


	12. Chapter 12

Jacob cursed himself for overreacting. And for leaving his car sitting in the Cullen's driveway.

Because that meant he had to go back.

Jacob groaned. It was two days since he'd been to Edward’s house. Two days and he was still unable to get the words out of his head. What was worse, so inexplicably worse, was that he was actually kind of missing Edward.

Sure, Edward was the root of all the problems he'd had over the last few decades of his life. Jacob had _still_ come to enjoy his company, when they weren't fighting or arguing.

_When you were in his position._

Jacob must have just overreacted. Empathic link and all that, making him think that Edward was talking about something else.

Edward was probably just asking what Jacob had done when he had needed to keep something secret from the pack. Nothing specific. Just a secret. Jake had had plenty of secrets that he hadn't wanted the pack to know. Like when he had tried to tell Bella about the wolves. He'd had to try and evade their notice while he almost broke their rules.

Edward hadn't meant…

After all, there was nothing to _know,_ right?

 _Wrong_. A traitorous voice whispered in his head.

 _He knows. He's probably always known. All that time, when you were trying to cover it up with that schoolboy crush on her. He_ knew _._

A small part of Jacob was utterly thrilled. Just a small part. Because now everything had been dragged to the surface. Now he had to think about it. He couldn't just go on ignoring it like he used to.

If _Edward_ knew…

Jacob thought back to everything that had been said.

_Chances are they already know._

Edward’s velvet voice reverberated around his head. If Edward knew, the rest of the pack could have known. Everyone could have known, while Jacob was busy ensuring he himself was the last to realise.

Jacob hadn’t had anyone to catch wayward thoughts, like Sam did. He hadn’t had the control he now had. Sure, he’d never actually acknowledged it, but that didn’t mean that _everyone_ didn’t know.

Jacob had never understood it. It had hit him suddenly, the very first time he had met Edward. He’d heard about him, from the stories and legends, and from Charlie’s conversations with Billy. Bella hadn’t spoken about him, after he had left. He had never really wanted to ask.

Edward had been shorter than he had expected.

But that wasn’t the only thing that had surprised him. For all that Jacob knew, it could have been those first few thoughts that clued Edward in, because as soon as he had felt it self-preservation had set in and he had buried it as deep as it would go with in his subconsciousness. Jacob couldn’t even recall having ever explicitly recognised it, just kept it as something on the fringes of his mind. He knew that it was there, he knew that it was strong, and strange, and something that he hoped he would never have to think about it, but he refused to understand what it was.

Jacob was attracted to Edward, in a completely non-objective way. Attracted. In a way he had never been attracted to anyone else, excluding Bella Swan. 

Never had Jacob been more appreciative of his makeshift mental shield. Maybe Edward already knew, but he wasn’t ready to let everyone in on it. Especially the rest of his pack. Jacob shuddered at the thought.

Alone in his head he stumbled over the confusing, conflicting emotions and thoughts. He had loved Bella, completely and utterly, but the way he felt about Edward was different. The simple idea felt foreign in his mind.

It had been fine when it had all been about Bella.

But that was just another lie.

For all his efforts in keeping his feelings under wraps, from even himself, looking back Jacob realised that it had never worked.

They had just become other emotions. Reasons to hang around. Reasons to argue, to fight. He had been the worst type of third wheel.

He’d been obsessed with the pair of them, telling himself that it was in completely different ways, for completely different purposes.

It was probably the reason why he’d become so obsessed with the idea of revenge, as well.

There was just something about Edward, which awakened in Jacob something that he had never thought he would feel. He didn’t understand it, but it hurt in ways that he couldn’t imagine. Because it was so fantastically impossible.

Falling for a natural enemy, even if he had been denying it all the while, was tragically….ugh! _Infuriating_!

It made no sense. It was stupid and ridiculous.

But that didn’t make it untrue, and pretending that it had never happened hadn’t worked for him before. Maybe he should try a new tactic. A selectively open tactic.

He didn’t want to talk about it, especially not with Edward, who would look at him like he understood completely. But he _couldn’t_ understand any of it. Jacob didn’t understand himself.

He couldn’t talk to anyone else. He shuddered, trying to just visualise where he would begin, not willing even to give a possible identity to his hypothetical confidant. There was no one that he would feel right talking to, not about this.

But talking about something and acknowledging it are two different things. Sometimes things just need to be said, just once, and that’s enough, they can be forgotten for the rest of time. Just once, one single syllable would be enough. Not a conversation, but a sentence, a word, then he could go back to leaving these types of thoughts in the attic of his mind, the one with dark corners and cobwebs. It would still be there, but it could gather dust in peace.

He had to pick up his car. It belonged in his garage, not out in the elements. He could smell rain on the wind. He would need to collect it soon. It was the product of the cathartic outpouring of rage and obsession and repressed attraction. A point to focus on. Even if he knew that he no longer needed it, he wanted it back.

He probably needed to see Edward anyway. If he was incredibly uneasy and unbelievably embarrassed, it didn’t matter. He had said that he would check up on him and make sure that he was alright. Jacob still didn’t trust Edward with his own safety.

Jacob sighed. Maybe tomorrow. Possibly the next day. Probably never.

He opened his mind to check up on the boys. And the whole world imploded.

 

*

 

Edward faulted when he heard the door open, but didn’t stop what he was doing. He heard the springs on the couch squeak, and knew that it had to be Jacob. It’s not like anyone else knew that he was in town, but there was a definite certainty that no one else would have just come in and made themselves up in the semblance of comfortable.

Edward knew now that he shouldn’t have said anything. He wished that he had never spoken, had never even pushed for information about the pack. It had definitely been the wrong thing to do.

He had driven away the one person who had actually tolerated his company in the last few years. It had been so long since anyone had sat with him, just to talk to him. To tell him about their life. Even before Bella, his family had just taken for granted that he would already know everything, and saw no need to tell him.

It had been really nice to listen to Jacob. Until he had ruined it by speaking out of turn.

But it seemed that Jacob was back. Edward had expected that Jacob would just pick up his car from the driveway, perhaps wheel it all the way around the corner without starting it so that Edward wouldn’t hear that he was there.

Edward had assumed that Jacob had gotten over whatever it was that he had used to feel. The way that Edward saw it, it had made perfect sense. Jacob loved Bella. Bella loved Edward. What Jacob had felt was some strange jealous reverberation, an oddly natural transference. That was all. Now that they were older, wiser, and now that Bella was gone, things would undoubtedly be different for Jacob.

But back then it would still be enough that Jacob would have wanted to hide his unusual attraction from the pack. Edward hadn’t meant to imply that Jacob himself was gay.

Jacob’s reaction seemed to say that that was the way he had interpreted it.

And his reaction would imply that Jacob didn’t see this the way Edward did.

Downstairs, Jacob had risen from the couch and seemed to be moving around, pausing sporadically but never for very long.

Edward supposed that he ought to join the wolf. He didn’t want to make Jacob any more uncomfortable than he obviously already was. Besides, it was his duty as a good host not to leave his guest unoccupied.

Still, he took his time descending the stairs.

Jacob seemed to have pinned down his erratic attention enough to peruse a bookshelf. His back was towards Edward, and he was, thankfully, clothed. Jacob usually came in clothed, when he drove, but Edward understood that it was easier and quicker to run. Jacob still hadn’t taken him up on his offer of borrowing some clothes, on the rare occasions that it would be required.

Edward realised that Jacob’s current state of dress implied that he had walked, human style, from his house all the way here. This was undoubtedly a conversation best had seriously, with a head free from the wolf’s influence, but Edward suspected that what he had said had caused most of Jacob’s discomfort now.

The clothes, the extra measure, were just symptoms of his unease.

“Hello.”

Jacob turned, and stared at Edward a little wide eyed. Edward held his gaze, fighting the urge to look down. Neither spoke, but stood facing each other. Edward recalled the last time they had actually stood face to face, and wondered if, like then, Jacob would attack him. Edward was still sure that he deserved it.

“Hey.”

Another pause, in which the silence swelled between them, almost forcing them further apart. It was ridiculously uncomfortable, but Edward was intent on waiting it out. Perhaps something of their new alliance could be saved.

“Look, I’m sorry about what I said.” Edward offered, if only to break the silence that was threatening to deafen him.

Jacob waved his hand in front of him, as if trying to clear the heavy atmosphere. The ‘ease’ of the movement was obviously forced, but Edward ignored it. “No, it’s fine. I just didn’t know that you knew…about me.” A small smile slid into place on his features, but Edward noticed that it didn’t reach his eyes.

Edward hadn’t seen many of Jacob’s smiles. He’d only recently seen genuine ones. He wondered if he would ever see one again. Doubted if he would ever see one again.

Jacob obviously didn’t want to talk about it, but Edward wanted to reassure him.

He was at a loss for words.

So he just nodded. And offered fake smile to match Jacob’s.

Well, now that that’s done with. Edward thought.

And it was still just as uncomfortable.

Edward took a step forward, thinking that he could grab a book from the shelf and sit down, pretend that he was completely comfortable with the new wrench than had been thrown into the works.

Because Jacob though that there was something to know about him.

Jacob didn’t think that it was some echo of his feelings for Bella. Jacob thought that’s it was something real.

Which meant that it was.

There _was_ something to know.

There was _something_ to know.

Which meant that there was definitely something new for Edward to think about.

But as he moved forward, Jacob flinched, and backed away quickly. When his back hit the shelf that Edward had been walking towards, Jacob turned and almost ran to the door. Edward stood, completely still, afraid that by moving again he would make thing exponentially worse.

In the doorway, which was always left unlocked, Jacob stopped and turned back. His face was a mask of falsely casual expression, and Edward could only guess at the extreme discomfort beneath it.

Jacob was trying very hard to pretend that everything was okay with him, but it was a lie. He had turned back, Edward guessed, to combat Edward’s belief that he was running away.

“I just came to pick up my car. I have to go and deal with my pack.” Edward noticed the pained expression on Jacob’s face as he paused. “I will be back though.”

Edward believed him.

Jacob just waited for a moment, standing by the door. It suddenly occurred to Edward that Jacob didn’t want to go. Despite the horrible discomfort between the two of them, there was something worse out there, something that Jacob was desperately trying to avoid.

_Deal with my pack._

Something had happened.

Jacob was still standing by the door, waiting for something to happen. When Edward didn’t move, didn’t speak, he sighed and went to turn away again.

“Jacob.”

Jacob stopped pivoting, but didn’t turn back to Edward.

“Has something happened? Something with the pack?”

Jacob sighed again, and for a second Edward thought that he would just leave without saying anything. Then Jacob took a deep breath and looked Edward straight in the eye.

“Yeah. Jack imprinted.”


	13. Chapter 13

Her name was Molly. Jacob didn’t remember ever having met her when he attended the school on the reservation, since it had been deemed prudent that he go to school as Alec for at least a few months before he could drop out. She was pretty, and from what Jacob could tell she was a smart girl. She had been in Jack’s year in school.

None of the wolves attended school after they had turned. Being in a classroom was dangerous when they still had no idea how to control their emotions, so they left the class and would return once the threat was gone. Jack hadn’t been upset about leaving school. None of them had really, even Harley and Sam, who had seen the change as a chance to explore a new faucet of information, as long as the old one would still be available at a later date.

So Jack hadn’t imprinted in a classroom. He’d been walking thought town, on his way home. Then his life made a detour. Jacob only knew what it was like from other’s experience, but from what he could tell through the jumble of thoughts that had hit him when he had let his guard down, it seemed to be a textbook imprint. Jack’s entire world had been rewritten around this girl.

Everything would have been okay, if that had’ve been the end of it. Molly was just as utterly and instantly taken with Jack as he was with her. It didn’t matter that they’d seen each other a thousand times before without a second thought. Jacob would welcome a female presence into their world of the supernatural.

But that wasn’t what had caused the world to shatter around them, and the torrent of information shrapnel that had hit Jacob when he had realigned himself with the mental frequency of the boys.

He glared at the occupants of the lawn chairs on the grass in front of them.

Jack looked all too smug and pleased with himself, so much so that Jacob desperately wanted to wipe the smile off his face His days of vengeful spite weren’t far enough behind him to preclude the possibility. Molly was sitting close to him, looking horribly uncomfortable and deeply remorseful. Jacob liked her even more when he saw the pain that this had caused her. At least she had the decency to care about what was happening.

A little way off, sitting apart from them, was Pond. He was almost as white as a sheet, staring at his hands but, Jacob was sure, not seeing them. Despite the shocked expression, Jacob saw Pond glance up at the couple every now and then, as if to reassure himself that he was not alone.

_…Chances are they already know…_

It seemed like Edward was wrong, because everything about Pond’s attitude was screaming that he had had no idea. Jacob thought that he understood Pond’s reaction, but he couldn’t stand the pleased feeling that rose in Pond every time his gaze fell on the pair, who were almost always in contact. It was small things, like brushing fingertips against the back of the other’s hand, reassuring gestures that left no doubt of their affection for one another.

_..I think he knows, but he doesn’t want to hear it, so he just ignores it…_

Sam’s words echoed back to Jacob, and suddenly Jacob understood with perfect clarity. Pond had known, but he hadn’t wanted to accept it, like Jack himself.

This was all just a great big mess.

Kallem and Harley were absent from the yard. Jacob could still hear their thoughts as they raced through the dense forest, trying to find Sam.

Sam’s voice was absent from Jacob’s mind, and he guessed that Sam had finally been able to establish the limiting distance. He’d run far enough. Jacob knew that he would need to go and find Sam, soon, before something even more horrible happened. He also knew that the other boys would have no luck in locating the runaway wolf.

Jacob didn’t know where to start. He wanted to know why the world had been turned upside down, before he went after Sam, but the flurry of gibberish characterising the collective wolf mind was not helping. Nothing was clear. And Jacob could only pick up bits and pieces of what had happened. The parts that he could make out, however, made him surer that the best course of action was to hit Jack, hard and multiple times.

Now that he had imprinted, whatever qualms he had had about recognising what had been between him and Sam were gone. He didn’t care what people knew anymore. So he had dragged everything out into the open.

Jacob remembered what it had been like, all that time ago, to watch Leah, Sam and Emily. It had been horrible and heartbreaking. This was a hundred times worse. Because what Jack had done was the worse betrayal that Jacob could think of.

Jacob felt his own guilt welling up. This had all happened when he had been busy worrying about himself, and his own situation. Jacob couldn’t have stopped the truth form coming out, not if Jack was intent on sharing it with everyone, but maybe he could have softened the blow.

His own confrontation with Edward seemed very tame. Civilised.

What he was faced with now, was different. It was cruelty, pure and simple. Jack had outed his friend, simply because now he himself no longer had to worry about the implications. He was free, so he had sent a fellow pack member to the stocks. It was selfish and brutal. Jack was still sitting in front of Jacob, with that insidious smile that make Jacob even angrier.

But Jacob was lost. He didn’t know what to do in this situation. He didn’t know if the best thing to do was to get the pack together and try to talk through this. He didn’t know if he should go and try to calm Sam down alone. He didn’t know what he could do to make this better, but his blood was almost at boiling point staring down at that smile.

Jacob realised that Molly was looking at him, aware of his internal struggle just from the look on his face. He was grateful that she, at least, understood what Jack had done. Jacob knew that their relationship would be strained, but that it would, like any imprint bond, eventually outlast all of this. He cursed the situation. Even though he had known that it was coming, it had hit like a blow. Everything was suddenly wrong, suddenly broken.

He’d gone to pick up his car first. He’d probably told himself that he needed time to come up with a strategy or something, but in reality, nothing about his mind was working. He’d gone to Edward’s house running mostly on instinct. It was the one place where he felt that he could escape some of the chaos that Jack had unleashed.

It was a cowardly thing to do, and he wondered if it hadn’t made things worse, but he’d done it nonetheless. And he hadn’t wanted to leave. Even with things as uncomfortable as they were around Edward, he’d take that over this in a heartbeat.

But he had had to go. Seeing Edward, just seeing him, someone unaltered by the events that had yet again sent Jacob to the edge of insanity and rage, was calming. He had meant it when he had said that he would return.

Jack shot him a challenging look, and Jacob’s anger almost broke through his body. He could feel a shudder run through him and a guttural growl escaped his lips. He knew that he would have changed if Pond hadn’t jumped up and come over to him, placing a hand on Jacob’s shoulder to steady him. Pond was bigger than him, but Jacob would have taken him to, if it weren’t for the words that Pond half-whispered into Jacob’s ear.

“Not while she’s here.”

For a horrible moment, Jacob’s mind filled with images of Emily, the scars that marred her beautiful face. He didn’t want to change with Molly there, put her in so much danger. Jack would fight to protect her, but none of them had enough control in that moment to ensure that she would be safe.

So Jacob backed down, straightening up. He needed to find Sam. That should be his first priority, rather than standing here trying to get the whole story out of Jack.

In his alpha voice, Jacob barked at Jack to take Molly home, and then come back and wait for him to return. He told Pond to go with him.

The boys had no choice but to obey.

As soon as they were out of the yard, Jacob got in his car. Kallem and Harley were still out searching for Sam, but he called them back, telling them that it was pointless, and that he knew where Sam would be. Harley wanted to keep searching, but now was no time for a discussion. They retreated from their chase, and were heading back to the yard when Jacob redirected them.

_No. Go home. Rest. Try not to listen in. I’ve got to deal with this. We’ll get together tomorrow._

The boys said that they would do as he asked.

Jacob had no idea where Sam would have gone, but he’d spent the last few weeks paying particular attention to Sam’s thoughts. Even across the distance, Jacob had no doubt that if he listened closely enough, he would be able to find the boy. Until then, all he had to do was drive, and try to figure out how to deal with this.

 

*

 

Sam paced around the clearing. It was late, darkness was steadily falling, but Jacob barely noticed and Sam hardly cared. The alpha approached slowly. Nothing that he had been able to come up with in the last few hours, in the car, had helped him understand what he should do any better.

The boy looked small amongst the trunks of towering pines, but Jacob could see the anger flowing from him. It was impossible that Sam would not know that he was there, so he sat down, waiting for the boy to acknowledge him. He had recently learned that the best way to get information was to wait for it to be given freely.

Sam continued to wear tracks into the leaf litter for about an hour. While Jacob was conscious of the time passing, he concealed from Sam a viscously pleased thought for Jack, who would be waiting in his garden for longer than he had expected, or his limited patience would like.  

Whatever Sam was currently feeling towards the other boy, his original feelings were still there.

Eventually Sam turned towards Jacob. He still didn’t speak and Jacob spared him the courtesy of not listening in on his thoughts. One of the benefits of his mind training was that it worked both ways. While he had still been with his old pack, he had been able to escape the drama that always seemed to follow the group around. It seemed that the drama was back though, with a vengeance. 

Jacob jumped when Sam spoke. His voice was loud in the silence of the clearing, startlingly so after the time spent without a word spoken.

“If you had’ve been there, could you have-?” Even though he didn’t complete the sentence, Jacob knew what Sam was talking about. There was no accusation in Sam’s voice, but it was so devoid of life that Jacob didn’t know what Sam was hoping to hear. Jacob knew that the truth was the best thing for Sam now, so he shook his head.

Sam sighed in relief. Jacob was shocked by the action, it was certainly one that he hadn’t been expecting. Then he understood. If Jacob had’ve been able to stop it, then Sam would know that this might not have happened. It was the terrifying possibility that things could have been different that had been haunting Sam. It was easier to accept the situation if there was never a chance that it could have been avoided.

“There’s nothing I could have done, not with him thinking so openly about it.”

Sam nodded, and went back to his pacing. They fell into the silence again. Jacob listened to the heavy stirring of leaves and knew that a storm was on its way.

It was only five or so minutes before Sam spoke again. His voice was softer this time, but still just as unexpected.

“It’s not a complete imprint you know.” Jacob’s heart broke at the pain that he heard in Sam’s voice. There was desperation there too.

“I don’t understand.”

“It’s not a proper imprint.”

Jacob still didn’t get it. Either you imprint or you don’t. Black or white, there is no grey. He stayed quiet though.

Sam saw his confusion and stopped pacing. He sat down on the fallen log besides Jacob.   

“Do you remember all of the old stories?”

Jacob nodded.

“Even the lesser told ones?”

Jacob frowned. He’d forgotten that there were stories that weren’t told as often. He’d always just stuck to the main ones. There was a reason the others were rarely spoken of. They spoke of rare occasions and long dead traditions. Sam glanced at him and saw the frown. The younger boy sighed.

“I’m guessing that’s a no. Some of the older stories are barely ever told anymore. I didn’t know about it myself, but someone left a book of the old legend in my school bag one day and-did you know that they have books about our legends? Pretty cool, huh. Anyway, someone left it in my bag. I think it might have been Harley. I didn’t understand why until I had read them all. Then I understood perfectly. I guess I wasn’t as good at hiding as I could have been.”

 _Chances are they already know._ Jacob thought, Edward’s words echoing back to him. It seemed that they were playing on repeat, but perhaps Edward hadn’t been completely wrong after all.  

Jacob’s curiosity was piqued. He couldn’t remember a story that would fit what Sam was describing.

“When I read it, I remembered the story being told at a bonfire once. I remember most of the boys laughing at it, but then ignoring it all together. Harley must have remembered it though.

“It’s about two-spirit wolves. Gay werewolves. It sounds so tacky when you say it like that. Imprinting is always between a man and a woman, that’s just the way it is. But when a two-spirit wolf imprints on a girl, it’s not a complete imprint. It’s a half-imprint. It feels just like a complete imprint, but it can be broken. There is a choice.”

Jacob _did_ recall the story. He’d just turned sixteen when he’d heard it, and just like the boys that Sam had described, he’d ignored it and then forgotten it. Looking back though, and with the illuminating quality of some recent revelations of his own, Jacob wondered if there wasn’t something subconsciously intentional about the lapse in memory.

“I remember. But are you sure? About Jack?” Jacob hated to have to say to words, but he had felt the imprint through the bond they all shared. It felt real and complete enough. “Why do you think it’s a half-imprint?”

Sam stayed quiet for a minute, and Jacob wondered if he had heard. Sam looked like he was consumed by thoughts.

“A half-imprint has a few recognisable signs, if you know what to look for. Of course, if people are just open about what they feel, you shouldn’t need to look for the signs.” These last words were a little bitter. Sam tuned his eyes towards Jacob, open and appealing. “You saw, didn’t you? Once I had told you, you could see it? I know that you were sceptical at first, after all, he was always picking on me. He could never stand my attention being elsewhere. I could feel it. His jealousy.”

Jacob nodded. He had known. He had caught and concealed almost as many unconscious thoughts from Jack as he had from Sam. While he had been surprised and disbelieving to begin with, he couldn’t deny what he had seen between the boys. 

“What are the signs?”

“The participants of a half-imprint will seem overly physical in their affection. The natural abilities of the wolf will diminish slightly, thought barely noticeably. And of course, there is a way to break the imprint. Anyone who tried to break a full imprint will be unable to do so, but a half-imprint is different.” Sam listed.

Jacob though back to what he had seen of the new couple. Remembered the constant contact between them.

Now that he thought about it, it hadn’t been the same as the other imprint couples he’d seen. The contact seemed to be continuous, with neither wanting to be physically disconnected from the other, even if it were only fingertips. Most couples he’d been around had craved each other’s company, but it wasn’t completely physical.

He didn’t know about Jack’s abilities as a wolf. He would have to wait to see if they had changed.

“It doesn’t matter though.” Sam’s attempted nonchalance was almost completely overcome by the sound of raindrops falling through the thick canopy. The water hit the leaves of the trees as they fell, creating a cacophony of sounds, almost enough to make conversation impossible.

Jacob didn’t answer. He thought back to the complacent grin on Jack’s face, and knew exactly why it didn’t matter that the boy had only formed a half-imprint. There was a very, very low chance of Jack ever intentionally breaking it.

There seemed to be little else to say. Sam had calmed down, no longer angry it seemed, but simply resigned. There was nothing either of them could do to make things any easier.

They continued to sit, getting completely drenched in the downpour.

“What do the others think? About me.”

The boy was still worried. His secret was out now, and all he could do was try to survive the fallout. Jacob wished that he could tell Sam that everyone was okay with it, but the truth was he didn’t really know.

“I think Kallem and Harley took it really well. If anything, they’re shocked by what Jack did. You thought that Harley already knew anyway. I don’t know about Pond. He looked pretty shaken up. I don’t think that he wanted to know.”

“What do you think?” Sam’s voice was small. Jacob knew that his opinion was just as important to Sam as any of his friend’s, probably even his family.

_Tell him._

Harley had given Sam the book of old stories to tell him that he wasn’t alone. To reassure him, to help him realise that there were others like him. Jacob had it in his power to do even more. Rather than the ghostly figure of longs dead stories, Jacob could show Sam that he truly understood. He knew that that could make it so much easier on the boy.

He didn’t want Sam to turn out like he had.

But he choked on the words. He’d promised to do it only once, to tell only one person, and now that was over. He didn’t want to have to worry about it anymore.  The cop-out as it escaped his lips.

“It’s who you are Sam. It’s completely okay with me.” Jacob hated

Sam sighed again, but it wasn’t completely relief.

“I would do it. I will.”

“Do what?”

“Break an imprint. It is who I am. If I ever imprint, I’m not going to let it change me. I will break it.”

Jacob was stunned by the boy’s strength. He spoke determinately, with admirable resolution. Jacob couldn’t help but wonder if Sam’s determination would win out over time.

The moment of decision had long since passed, and Jacob mourned its passing. He had expected to feel relieved that his secret was still intact, but he didn’t. He envied Sam, who didn’t have a choice but to accept everything. It seemed horrible, but easier.

Sam and Jacob stood up at the same time and began walking towards where Jacob had left his car. It was a walk of a couple of miles, and Sam seemed to become aware of the fact that he was naked. Jacob reassured him that he had a spare set of clothes in his car.

They got to the car and, without speaking another word, began making their way back to Forks. The darkness was complete and night had a firm hold over the world. Jacob was tired, but with Jack sitting, still waiting, in his yard, he knew that he probably wouldn’t get any sleep before the sun rose again.


	14. Chapter 14

The déjà vu was starting to freak Jacob out.

He was sitting in one of the plastic lawn chairs watching Jack pace back and forth in the pouring rain, Jack had been sitting and waiting for him to arrive. Jacob wasn’t really sure what time it was, but it was very late. He’s dropped Sam off at his place and told him to stay there. He’d asked, not ordered, Sam not to listen in. The boy deserved to hear, but Jacob wanted to give him the option of zoning out on what was about to happen.

As soon as Jacob had sat down, Jack had gotten up and began pacing. The alpha had instantly been struck by the memory of watching Sam do the exact same thing.

He hadn’t expected Jack to be this confused. He’d expected Jack to pretend that nothing important had happened, and that he didn’t really care that his friend had been driven to the edge of the state just to get away from him.

But Jack looked different. He didn’t glare challengingly at Jacob as he had before. He continued to pace, but Jacob had a feeling that it was not going to be long before he spoke.

Jacob hated what Jack had done to Sam, but the man he saw before him now was a little broken. He looked even worse than Sam had, when Jacob had first seen him in the forest. Strangely, Jacob didn’t want to punch this new Jack any less than he did the old Jack.

“Is Sam okay?”

That hadn’t been the first thing that Jacob was expecting out of Jack’s mouth.

“Yes. He’s at home.”

“Why can’t I hear him?” Jack’s voice was small, and he sounded truly concerned about the silence.

Jacob had isolated himself and Jack within the garden. None of the other wolves could hear them. It was an extra precaution, he knew that most of them didn’t want to hear. Jacob would allow Sam to hear, though, if the boy tried.

“He doesn’t want you to.” Jack’s face hardened, looking slightly angry. At Jacob, it seemed.

“How are you doing that? Packs are supposed to be connected whether they want to be or not.”

“After what you did you don’t deserve their attention.” Jacob spat back. He was standing, without conscious decision of getting up. He reminded himself to have better control over his emotions.

“I didn’t mean for it to happen the way it did.” Jack said defensively. Jacob determined that he meant it.

“What did you think would happen?”

“I thought it would all be okay. I mean, I imprinted. There was nothing I could do about it. I didn’t mean to tell everyone about Sam. What does it matter anyway! They were going to find out eventually.”

“He trusted you. It was his choice, not yours. You don’t just go and tell everybody, just because it doesn’t apply to you anymore.”

“What do you mean apply to me?”

“Don’t act stupid Jack. Sam came to see me before I took my place as alpha. He told me everything.”

“You knew about him? I thought he was just good at keeping it a secret, but…” Jack considered for a moment. “That was you, wasn’t it? You helped him?”

“I helped you both.”

“Both?”

“Your thoughts too. I stopped the group from hearing how you felt about Sam.”

Jack looked as though he were about to argue more, but realised that it was pointless.

“But none of that matters now.” Jack looked up at him, speaking in a soft voice. “I’ve imprinted. I don’t feel that way anymore.”

“It’s a choice, you know.”

Jack looked at him. Jacob continued.

“When I was in my old pack, the alpha imprinted. He had a girlfriend at the time. It was the girl’s cousin that he imprinted on. The girlfriend ended up shifting, becoming the first, and so far only, female wolf. Being forced together into the pack ended up tearing the pack apart. For a while there were two separate packs. She left just to get away from him.”

Jack didn’t seem to get the parallels between his own life and the story Jacob was telling him, but Jacob continued anyway.

“He cared for her, but because of his imprint everything changed. She was lonely and bitter for a very long time. But not only that, it affected everyone. It changed everything.”

“What-”

“You care for Sam. I know what you feel for him, and now everyone else does too. There is nothing that I can do to stop them from finding out, if they don’t already know. Everything that he’s feeling, after what has just happened, everyone is going to be feeling that. Kallem, Harley, Pons, Sam, you and me. They’ll most likely come to hate you a little bit, especially if you keep acting like you were today. Like you don’t care. And there is no other pack for either of you to escape to.”

“I don’t want-”

“Unlike them, I don’t think that you were just being a jerk. I think that you’re scared, and you don’t understand any of it. But that doesn’t excuse what you did. Being gay isn’t a choice,” Jack flinched at Jacob’s use of the word, but he didn’t contradict it. “But choosing to be who you really are can be. Your imprint can be broken.”

Jack didn’t look surprised. Jacob was pretty sure he’d been given the same reading material as Sam. Jacob was pretty sure that he would never be able to convince Jack to break the imprint. In the boy’s mind he was free of the whole thing. Jacob was embarrassed to realise that the boy’s thoughts were almost identical to his own. He determined that perhaps it would be best to re-evaluate his own decisions. It was proving impossible to put it all behind him anyway.

Jacob sighed and shook his head dejectedly. He didn’t know how to handle Jack.

“I’m not going to tell you what to do. It’s your choice. But what you felt for Sam was just as real and important as what you feel for Molly. You can’t just forget it, especially if you are part of a pack. Whatever you do, you will be hurting someone. But you have to make the decision. Can you continue to lie to yourself for the rest of your life?”

“She’s not a lie.”

“I know. But he wasn’t either.”

Jacob sunk back into his chair. Jack sat down next to him.

“I don’t know what to do.”

“I can’t tell you.”

“How am I supposed to know what is right?”

Jacob didn’t say anything. There was nothing that he could say that could make it any easier for Jack. His own secret would have no bearing on Jack’s situation.

Jack could keep the imprint and hurt Sam. Or he could break it and hurt Molly. There was no _easy_ for the boy.

 

*

 

“So he’s not going to do it?”

“No. But I can’t blame him. It was a difficult decision either way.”

“But still. I remember what it was like for Sam, Leah and Emily. I felt it whenever I was near the pack, you guys think really loud. Well, most of you. But this is really not going to be easy for any of you.”

Jacob sighed. He had phoned, actually phoned, all of the pack and told them to take the day off. It had been after midnight when Jack had left last night and Jacob still hadn’t slept. He’d needed to talk so he had decided to head to Edward’s house. It couldn’t be worse than the stuff he was leaving behind, and Edward was the only other person he could talk to.

He’d realised halfway through the drive there that he was starving. He hadn’t eaten since the morning before, so he’d stopped off at an all-night convenience store.

Now he was making use of the Cullen’s five-star, barely used facilities. Edward didn’t sleep, and he didn’t seem to mind the intrusion. The power, which hadn’t been used during the first few months, seemed to have made some sort of a comeback. Jacob had related to him the entire story while he had been cooking. Edward had listened, occasionally asking questions or complimenting him on the smell of his food.

They didn’t talk about Jacob, or about what had happened only hour before. Jacob hadn’t succeeded in pushing it out of his mind, but it was no longer the most important thing troubling him.

“Yeah.”

Jacob plated up his meal and went to the table. Edward followed him and sat down in one of the comfortable chairs. Jacob had long since stopped wondering about the useless opulence of the Cullen household.

“I didn’t know that there was such a thing as a half-imprint. I hadn’t even considered what would happen if-”

“Yeah, me neither.” Jacob cut in. Edward was veering dangerously close to subjects that Jacob was still avoiding.

Edward played with a fork while Jacob ate. Jacob was surprised by how comfortable he was. Just months ago, hours ago really, he would never had pictured such a pleasant scene where Edward was concerned. He’d mostly just pictured extremely painful scenarios for the vampire. Not sitting and eating dinner with him in his well it dining room.

When he was finished eating he returned to the kitchen to deposit his dishes in the sink. He began to run the tap, but Edward, who was standing in the doorway, told him to leave them.

“I’ll do it. It’s not like I have anything better to do. Besides, you probably won’t do it right.”

Jacob turned to glare at him, but couldn’t help smiling. Edward’s insult had reminded him too little of their past selves to have any real bite. As Jacob stood aside with an exaggerated bow, Edward moved forward, and Jacob saw him smile. It had been a long time since he had seen Edward actually smile.

“Besides,” Edward added when he was next to Jacob, hands submerged in soapy water. “You would probably get old-lady fingers, whereas, I don’t have to worry about that.”

Edward lifted his fingers from the mess of bubbles and examined them. With a pleased expression he turned his hands towards Jacob, who saw that, as expected, the vampire’s fingers were as smooth as ever.

“Well lucky you.”

Edward went back to washing the dishes, which was taking surprisingly longer than it would have taken Jacob, given that there was only one plate, one set of essential cutlery and a single cooking pot.

Jacob leaned against the wall.

“So,” he began conversationally. “How are you?”

Edward didn’t look up, but continued to slowly scrub the dishes. Jacob waited.

“I’m fine.” Edward’s answer was terse, and Jacob knew that it wasn’t completely true. Even though he’d just spent half an hour telling Edward all about his problems, he hadn’t expected Edward to return his query, but he had nothing else to say, so he allowed the silence to grow slightly awkward. The storm outside the window had died down a while ago, and there was no sound other than the occasionally click of the cutlery against the stainless steel basin.

Jacob didn’t want to find the scene uncomfortable. More than anything he wanted to be okay with Edward’s presence. It wasn’t just that he wanted to help the man, or that he found the man to be a great listener and the only one that he could comfortably tell about his current predicament. He deeply hoped that he and Edward could be friends. Everything that had happened in the past would stop them from being overly close, they would never be best buddies, but Edward was the only one who understood what Jacob had spent so long feeling. He was the only person that Jacob still had left that had known who he truly was.

But it was uncomfortable. Perhaps everything that had happened would mean that it would always be uncomfortable.

“Can I ask you something?” Without Jacob noticing it, Edward’s hands had stopped moving slowly through the bubbles and Edward had turned to address him.

“Yeah, sure.”

“You were helping Sam hide his thoughts right?”

“Yeah.”

“Like how you can avoid my mindreading?”

“Yeah.”

“How?”

“Oh. Um…”

“You don’t have to tell me. It’s just that you’re only the second person who could ever-”

“No, it’s fine. I just…practiced, I guess. For a really long time I was hell-bent on revenge. And…ah…the mindreading thing is one of your greatest strengths. I thought that if I was actually going to do it, I would need to find a way to get around it. So I practiced with the pack, when I merged back into it. I found that if I practiced and focused I could stop them from hearing my thoughts. I trained in other ways, of course, since I wasn’t completely sure that it would work on you the same way that it worked on them. Turns out it does. It took me a really long time to get right. Once the pack had been dissolved and everyone had stopped shifting I had no one to practice on. I kept trying to strengthen my mind, but…”

Jacob trailed off as he realised that he was rambling a little bit. Edward had turned back to the sink and to the dishes, but Jacob could tell that he still had the man’s attention.

“I didn’t know if it would really work when you came back.”

“You knew I was coming back?”

“Not really. It wasn’t like someone faxed me your travel arrangements. I just always felt that one day you guys would be back. I was willing to wait.”

“You expected all of us to return?”

“Yeah. I thought that you guys always travelled together.”

“We usually do. Sometimes we travel independently, but we like to be close to each other. Usually.” Edward’s hollow smile struck Jacob’s curiosity, and he wondered what had happened between Edward and his family. Maybe he would ask some other time. “What would you have done, if they had’ve been here? When you came to find me?”

Jacob felt his guilt rising as he looked at Edward sheepishly. He remembered Edward’s silent plea from the funeral. Edward’s wish to save his family, even if he had no interest in saving himself.

“I had planned everything out,” Jacob said, choosing to avoid an explicit answer. Edward could know what he was implying. ‘Every single possible outcome. I had a hundred different plans for what I would do under different circumstances.”

Jacob tried to keep his voice level, as if he were not talking about plans to murder a whole family. Edward just nodded, still looking down at white foam. Jacob hoped that the man understood that he had changed, and that his admission now was only possible because Jacob himself was a different man.

“You know,” Jacob continued, “The one thing that I didn’t plan for was-”

“Me.” Edward finished.

“Yeah.” Jacob said lamely.

“You never expected that I would come back when I was still grieving.”

Jacob stiffened. He was exponentially more uncomfortable than he had been before Edward had spoken, but what he was saying was true. Jacob’s shoulders had unconsciously crawled up and he had crossed his arms over his chest.

“Yeah.”

“I guess my lack of defence _was_ my best defence then.”

“I guess.”

They fell back into silence. Jacob fidgeted with the sleeve of his shirt and wished that he had of insisted on doing his own dishes. It would have given his hands something to do, and besides, it was extremely unnerving to be admitting one’s homicidal tendencies to the object while he was washing away the evidence of your last meal. It was too late now to stop talking or change the subject. Besides, there were things between them that needed to be said.

“When I came here and saw you like that…When I realised that you still hadn’t been about to move on, I was so shocked. But it made me realised that I was exactly the same. I know that we loved her differently, and I know that you lost more than I did, but I hadn’t been able to get over it either. And I realised then that who I was, what I had become, it was wrong. It was never what Bella would have wanted. I knew that I had to do what I could to change.”

Edward was silent. Jacob wondered if he had said too much, but couldn’t bring himself to wish the words back. He’d meant what he had said, and he hoped that one day Edward would come to see it the way he did. It seemed, though, that it wouldn’t be today.

Edward finished washing the dishes. They were incredibly clean, since they had been scrubbed to within an inch of cracking, but as Edward set them on the bench to dry, Jacob couldn’t help suspecting that, due to the abundance of soap bubbles still clinging to them, they would probably dry with marks.

Edward pulled the plug out of the sink and Jacob wondered if he should leave. His car was sitting in the driveway, and he needed to get some sleep at some point in the new day. It was probably nearing mid-day and Jacob was probably about to fall over from exhaustion. Not physical, but mental, as always. Edward avoided looked at Jacob while he lead the way out of the kitchen and into the lounge room.

Edward seemed to be leaving the latter part of their conversation to future contemplation, but he looked satisfied with having one mystery solved. He slouched back on the cushions, but then sat up straight and leaned towards Jacob, curiosity revisiting his expression.

“What about your scent?”

“What do you mean?”

“How did you change that?”

“I didn’t.”

Edward looked confused, but his expression didn’t even come close to what Jacob was feeling. He had no idea what Edward was going on about.

“You smell different.”

“Oh.”

“You didn’t change it intentionally?”

“Why would I do that?” It was news to Jacob. He didn’t think that he smelt any different, but then again, he’d never been able to detect the odour that the vampires had complained about. He supposed that his scent could have changed without him noticing it.

“I don’t know. So that I wouldn’t instinctively identify you as an enemy?”

 Jacob thought about that. Whatever had changed, he hadn’t done it on purpose.

“So I’m guessing that I don’t smell disgusting anymore?”

“Ah…no.”  A furrow established itself between Edward’s eyebrows. A mystery that wasn’t easily solved.

“So tell me, what do I smell like now?”

“I don’t know.”

“Come on.”

“Just different.” Edward evaded.

“Okay.”

Edward sat back a little, almost lost in thought. Jacob knew that he should go, but he couldn’t really help himself. A huge grin was threatening to split his cheeks.

“But it’s a good smell, right?”

 


	15. Chapter 15

A whole month since Jack had imprinted, and still the tension within the pack was so thick that it was threatening to drive them apart. It was even worse that he had predicted. Trying to be around Jack and Sam at the same time was worse than sitting in a room with Emily, Sam Sr. and Leah. It was practically impossible. Throw Molly into the mix and it was a horror film in the making.

Jacob tried to keep his mind focused on the task that he was trying to complete, giving the pack their instructions for their coming patrol, but he couldn’t keep his thoughts in line. Now that everything was out in the open, it wasn’t just Sam and Jack’s thoughts that he had to deal with. Every single one of the boys was still trying to get used to the new information. It had been four weeks, but it still hadn’t sunk in.

Jacob’s attention could only be targeted for short bursts, which wasn’t really helping at all. He used one short moment of clarity to organise the pack, and watched as they disappeared in pairs into the trees. He’d had to switch up the groups, but he’d yet to find a situation that worked. The boys were having just as much difficulty getting anything done as he was.

Jacob was beginning to appreciate that he had not been a part of his original pack when Sam Sr. had imprinted. If it was anything like this, he didn’t know how they’d managed to pull it together, especially with Leah.

Jacob had paired himself with Kallem, and the boy was standing shyly by as Jacob stared blindly into the woods. As Jacob pulled his thoughts away from the ‘catastrophe’, he caught Kallem’s eye and understood the look on the boy’s face immediately. He quickly blocked the two of them from the pack mentality.

Kallem looked a little shocked as Jacob faced him. He supposed that it had been sometime since Kallem had had nothing but silence and his own thoughts in his head. He hadn’t outright told the boys that he had been keeping stuff from them using his singular ability, for fear that they would ask to know what he had been hiding from them, but they still knew enough.

“What’s up Kal?”

“I wasn’t sure if it was true, but I guess it is.”

“Yep. Now, what was it you wanted to say? We don’t have long.”

Kallem nodded and got straight to the point.

“I was thinking. Things are really bad for all of us at the moment. What we’re all feeling…it really sucks.”

“I know. I’m right there with you.”

“Not all the time.”

Jacob frowned. Kallem continued.

“We can all tell when you’re absent. It’s okay, I guess. We all wish that we could get away from it for a while. We never knew quite how you did it, whether you just spaced out or if it was intentional. Now we know that it’s intentional.”

“Kal-”

“No, it’s fine. But…you helped Sam when he was trying to keep it from us.”

“I tried, but in the end-”

“We know that there was nothing you could do. None of us blame you for what happened. We don’t blame anyone. It was unfortunate that it happened like that, but it wasn’t something that could stay hidden forever.”

“I don’t understand what you’re saying then.”

“Can you help us now?”

Jacob paused. He thought that he understood what Kallem was asking for, but he didn’t know exactly what he could do.

“I don’t think I-”

“We can’t stop the thoughts from happening. Any of us. But you can stop the thoughts from being shared. You can conceal them, like you did with Sam’s thoughts. I think that it would help us get back to normal.”

Jacob felt something stir in his chest. Something about what Kallem was saying was making Jacob feel extremely uncomfortable. He thought that maybe it was the horrible thought of having to control that much information. It wasn’t easy, even when it had just been his own thoughts, but recently it had started to be kinda painful. It had been so tiring trying to keep Sam’s secret. Jacob had hated the tension in the last few weeks, but at least he hadn’t felt the incredible strain of being constantly on edge. Now Kallem was asking him to spare them the discomfort of their current situation by taking it all on himself. Jacob knew that this whole thing had the potential to cause infinite chasms to form between individuals, but he couldn’t help remembering his first pack.

What was it about wolf packs and love triangles?

Jacob was sure that if the old pack had been able to push through, his new pack would be able to do the same. When it came down to the important stuff, they would pull back together, instinct and reliance knitting them back into formation.

Still, Jacob couldn’t help but grimace as the hope that Kallem had been sporting went out at a shake of his head. He _knew_ just how horrible it was for the boy.

Kallem hadn’t given up though. With wide eyes he looked pleadingly up at Jacob.

“Jake, the things that we have to share…they’re private. Whatever happened between those two, it’s none of our business. We have no right to see…” Kallem trailed off, leaving Jacob with no doubt about what he was referring to.

Those first few days had been the worst. Jacob intentionally kept the pack as separate as he could, selfishly trying to buy himself time to figure out how to approach the problem. Now he was sure that the time apart had done more harm than good.

Sam had sought Jack out. There was nothing hopeful about Sam’s thoughts as he had lead his pack mate into the conversation. Jacob knew that, while Sam was still doing what he could, he had given up all hope when he first recognised the imprint. Jack hadn’t been unwilling to follow him, but Jacob knew it was because the boy saw his imprint as some new form of immunity.

Sam had relayed to Jack the same information that he had given to Jacob. Jack already knew, but had listened patiently anyway. Surprisingly Sam had not tried to pressure Jack into making a particular decision, didn’t even suggest that choosing him was the other choice. The cold, impersonal turn of the conversation broke Jacob’s heart. He knew the pain that the boy must be going through, knew that everyone else was aware of it also. Even Jack, standing still while Sam informed him of the old legend, knew. Jacob couldn’t stomach the thought of a pain so complete as to perpetuate the unnecessary charade.

It had been heart-achingly familiar, and at the same time so utterly foreign. Jacob had wanted to avert his eyes, but had been powerless against the influx of memory, as the pack came together again. Sam had held his head high, not speaking, but knowing that everyone was living what should never have been seen. Jacob felt his shame, at having what was most personal displayed before everyone. He was proud of Sam for his strength, and yet he wished he could have saved him from it all.

It was to this event, or rather the shared recollection of it, that Kallem was referring to.

Because the terse conversation had not been the end of it. And Jacob suddenly realised where the unease, coiling itself around in the back of his mind, had come from.

It wasn’t in the thought of all the incredible amounts of work that Kallem was suggesting. It existed only partially in the words that the boy was saying, but was hinted at in the boy’s tone and written clearly in his expression.

He was stuck by a suspicion that upset him too much to truly entertain, and yet, the evidence was standing right in front of him. Jacob was afraid that the main objection Kallem, and perhaps some of the other boys, had towards being forced to share their thoughts had nothing to do with privacy.

Jacob didn’t know how he hadn’t picked up on it before. He guessed that he must have been too preoccupied to piece the hints together.

After Sam had finished speaking, Jack had leaned forward and pressed his lips lightly to his friends. In the same situation, Jacob himself would have given himself over to unreasoned hope or fervid anger. As it was, he felt through Sam’s memories, the bittersweet recognition of a final goodbye.

While the boys would be unable escape each other, and this was no true farewell, Jacob understood that this was Jack’s way of saying goodbye to the unspoken possibilities, the half formed concepts that would no longer be able to live on false hopes. It was an earnest kiss, and Jacob came to understand clearly, perhaps for the first time, how much Jack truly cared about Sam.

Jacob had felt something hook him deep in his gut as he had been forced to take Sam’s position, the indescribable feeling that he was losing forever, something that he’d only just realised he wanted. It was something like being deprived of air.

Whether Kallem was uncomfortable with the memory of the kiss, the emotions, or just the general idea of it, Jacob didn’t want to know. Just knowing that Kallem was uncomfortable with _that_ aspect of this was setting Jacob’s teeth on edge. He supposed that he shouldn’t be so angry, after all, it wasn’t like Kallem hadn’t tired his best to accept his friends. Jacob probably would have been the same if he had’ve been in Kallem’s position. Kallem had obviously done his best to keep his prejudices hidden from Sam and Jack, even from Jacob himself. He didn’t want his friends to know how he felt, but he couldn’t stop from feeling it. Not yet.

Jacob knew that he couldn’t do anything. He couldn’t stop what was already out in the open between them. He couldn’t make it any easier for Jack, or Sam, or Harley, or Kallem, or Pond. Or himself. And what kind of an alpha did that make him?

Kal seemed to understand what Jacob was unable to say. He turned and allowed Jacob to feed his mind back into the pack before he disappeared into the trees. Jacob felt the boy change in the cover of the dense trunks, and knew that he was waiting for Jacob to join him, so that they could begin their patrol.

Jacob hesitated for a moment. His mind was silent, only his own thoughts kept him company in the empty yard. He had always known that he wasn’t cut out to be an alpha. Others were stronger, more willing to deal with problems or to grin and bear it if they couldn’t make everyone happy. Jacob had always been at a loss for what to do, whether it was his own life or his own makeshift pack. He had a feeling that he always would be.

The urge to see Edward jumped into his head, but Jacob quickly quieted it. He had started to rely on Edward more than he would like. Edward seemed to be the only who he could talk to without having to worry about every word he said. But it was dangerous to spend so much time around the vampire. He was supposed to be running the vampire out of town, even if at this pace it was more like walking. He needed Edward to leave, if these boys were going to have a chance at regaining some normal. The longer they stayed in the pack formation, the further normal was out of their reach. They were all changing, more and more every day. Mostly in subtle ways, but it all added up to five completely new people.

Jacob knew that it was easy to become obsessed with Edward. He’d done it before, for years. He didn’t want that to happen again, but he could feel it, even now. Whatever it was that Edward had done to him back then, it hadn’t faded completely, even with all the time that Jacob had generously supplied it with.

He had to stop himself before he became reliant on Edward. Nothing good ever happened when he went down that road. He didn’t need to go in for another round of unrequited love.

_Love?_

No, that was wrong. Whatever he had felt for Edward, still felt in the lingering traces, it hadn’t been _love_. Attraction sure. But not love. He’d been drawn to Edward in the same way he’d been drawn to Bella. But he’d never loved Edward. Love was too… right. Too real. Too _everything_ that his attraction for Edward couldn’t be.

Sure, he’d come to accept that his feelings for Edward did exist, had always existed. But he wasn’t going to turn into some romantic sap intent on twisting his platonic almost-friendship into some strange pantomime of honest affection.

He needed to stop visiting Edward so often. It was obvious that the vampire was improving slowly. He didn’t need Jacob to check up on him every day. Besides, he had other protectors who would surely intervene if Edward were to relapse. Perhaps spending time away from Jacob would actually assist in that respect. It would allow Alice to see her brother more clearly.

Jacob needed to stop trying, in some strange unconscious but disturbingly twisted way, to turn Edward’s house into a second home. Just because there was nothing left for him, didn’t mean that he should try to build something new. He’d come to this state himself. He’d torn away his own chance at a future. Edward should remind him of that, not make him wish that things could be infinitely different.

Shrugging out of his clothes and lying them neatly in a pile on his back steps, Jacob made his way to the tree line. Once in the cold shade of the forest, he shifted, joining Kallem. Together they made their way to the border of the reservation, ready to keep their land safe from a threat only Jacob knew didn’t exist.

 

 


	16. Chapter 16

Edward heard the car long before it rounded the corner of the road that brought it within sight of the house. Jacob always drove these days, on the increasingly rare occasion that he actually visited. Edward had been worried about the decrease in Jacob’s appearances in his house, worried that Jacob had taken offense to something that he’d said, or that the wolf was just more uncomfortable around him than usual. Edward had worried for the friendship that they were slowly forming. He had remembered Jacob’s promise, that night in the tent; that nothing pleasant could ever exist between the two of them. Edward had hoped that that promise had changed.

Jacob had been happy and friendly when he did come around, so Edward had supposed that there was nothing to worry about. Jacob was just busy. Or tired. Or something.

Jacob was, at the moment, pulling the car into Edward’s driveway.

Edward didn’t see the need to go out and welcome him in. One of these days, perhaps when he was a little more confident about their budding friendship, Edward would lock his doors, just to see what Jacob would do. As it stood between them, the glass doors that granted entrance into the house were still constantly unlocked, though Edward saw it as a small victory that he no longer _wished_ for some unknown enemy to come gliding through them.

The ghosts stayed, but Edward thought that they were starting to grow weaker, to fade into the haunted corners of the rooms and his mind. Edward knew now that it wasn’t her.

Edward wondered if Jacob remembered what day it was.

A clatter downstairs brought Edward back to the present, and he realised that, while he’d been staring out of the window, Jacob had come in and started to poke around in the kitchen downstairs. Edward smelled the sharp pang of something that he recognised, but couldn’t initially place. Everything else about Jacob smelled familiar.

Edward would figure out the enigma of Jacob’s new scent one day too.

He found Jacob in the kitchen, staring grumpily into one of the cupboards. When he reached the doorway, Jacob turned around and glared at him.

“I was looking for a cup to use, but then I remembered what you guys drink. How am I supposed to know if they’ve been used before?”

“You can use any of them. We don’t use cups, and the ones that were used have been thrown out.”

Jacob grimaced, no doubt remembering exactly how _those_ cups had been used. He recovered quickly, however, and pulled a small glass out of the cupboard. Edward moved closer to see what he was doing.

"Can you even get drunk?" Jacob was concentrating on pouring the aromatic liquid into the glass.

"Not really."

"How much do you have to drink to even feel tipsy?"

"I've never drunk anything alcoholic before."

Edward was shocked. Sure Jacob was externally trapped at the young biological age of too-young-to-drink, but the man was older than he looked. Edward watched Jacob who, despite his steady pouring method, looked extremely unsure of himself. Then it hit him. Jacob did remember. Jacob obviously remembered what today meant.

Edward knew that in the past, for Jacob, his anger had been enough. Just like self-loathing had been for Edward. Now, though, Edward had the strangest feeling that Jacob was trying to… well, celebrate.

Then he was struck by an idea. The diluted lolly water that Jacob had brought with him wouldn’t do anything. Either he was drinking to forget or Jacob was drinking to remember, either way, Edward could probably help him at least experience it. Like a normal teenager.

"Never? Well, we've got some pure alcohol around here somewhere. Do you want to find out?"

Jacob looked surprised, then unsettled. He was even more unsure of himself then before. Edward wondered if he would opt out.

"Ah…I guess. What about you?"

"I drink blood Jacob. Human stuff makes me sick."

"Have you ever mixed alcohol and blood?"

"No." The look on Edward’s face clearly showed his disdain for the idea. Animal blood was bad enough without adding lumps or extra vomit inducing flavours.

"Let's give it a shot."

Edward’s eyes widened at the wolf’s new found enthusiasm.

"You want to go out and slaughter some poor animals so you can get me drunk?"

"Sure."

"That's so macabre."

*

Edward hadn’t thought that Jacob would go through with it, let alone that it would work, but here he was, sitting on his piano stool, feeling a bit tipsy. Jacob was worse off, though he’d been sipping undiluted ethanol and should, by all rules of nature, be dead right about now. Edward hadn’t enjoyed the drinking at all, though he wasn’t minding the dulling sensation that the alcohol was having on his senses. He’d never drunk anything before, at least nothing that he could remember, and never enough to make him feel like this. It was like water had been filtered through his brain, making it difficult and slow to think. It wasn’t a lot, but it was enough for Edward to feel the difference.

Jacob was sitting on one of the couches again. Nobody should drink what Jacob had been ingesting. Even Edward had had his doubts about giving the wolf the pure alcohol, though he was sure that he himself would be the worse off in this situation. After he had gotten over his stomach’s revulsion, though, he had found that it wasn’t too bad. Watching Jacob drain some forest creature had been the second most surreal experience of Edward’s life, the most that he’d been fully conscious of, at least.

Edward rested his hands, in no particular or planned configuration, on the piano keys, pulling from them a cacophonous, prolonged muddle of individual tones. Jacob looked up at the sound, but it didn’t startle him.

Neither of them had said much since the alcohol had been distributed. Neither of them had said anything at all to mark the occasion. Edward wondered if he should say anything, of if Jacob was enjoying the silencing buzz, the dull drone that seemed to push memories further away, as much as he was. He didn’t know what he should say anyway. Serendipity, or some odd form of coincidence, had aligned the days so that they meant too much, all at the same time.

Looking down at the black and white keys, a memory shrank into Edward’s mind. He was surprised by the energy of it, it was as though his laden mind had decided to break into a sprint for no apparent reason, and for a second it made the rest of his foggy consciousness stagger.

Edward wasn’t drunk, nowhere near it. Neither him, nor Jacob had drunken enough to get them to that stage. But Edward wasn’t in the mind to fight off the grogginess, and it gained strength from his lack of resistance.

Now that the memory was foremost in his mind, Edward couldn’t believe that he had forgotten it. At the time, surely it must have been pushed aside by other things, but to have gone so long unnoticed, in Edward’s mind no less, it seemed ridiculous.

His whole mind narrowed in on this single thing, and suddenly it became so much more important that it should have been. He wanted to release it, to share it with Jacob. All of his objections towards a conversation on the subject were quickly disappearing. Jacob would know how he felt. Jacob would know.

"For her last birthday, her eighteenth birthday, I wrote her a song. I never got the chance to play it for her. We had an accident."

His voice was rasping as it broke the fragile silence. Jacob turned more of his attention to Edward. The thoughtful look on his face blossomed into a small smile, as he seemed to be recalling things of his own now. "That sounds like Bella." "Yeah. It was only a little while after that that we left.”

 _Just before_ I _left. Just before she found you. Just before you found her. Just before…_

"What about when you came back?"

"There was always something else going on." Edward paused, wondering just when the song had disappeared from his mind. He’d always written music for Bella, more than that, she’d been in his music. In the runs, in the pauses, in the notes. She had inspired him. Giving them to her was the least that Edward could do. He’d loved the look she’d get on her face when she listened to him play. She said that she didn’t like presents, and even thought they had all gotten her things anyway Edward had wanted to give her something that she would love, and that she would accept regardless. He’d been planning on playing her the song that afternoon, but then she had cut herself, and his music had been lost in the terrifying excitement of the day.

“You should play it now. In celebration of her birthday." Edward looked up. Jacob was staring at him earnestly. Edward suddenly wondered just how much Jacob had had to drink. Then his eyes returned to the keys beneath his fingers, and he remembered that the piano did actually have a purpose. He would have kicked himself for his own stupidity, but the piano had long since stopped inspiring him to play. The beautiful instrument was nothing without the music, and Edward didn’t have the music any more. As things were, the piano was no longer an instrument at all, merely a decoration. It hadn’t uttered anything more than the dreadful humming muddle since her heart had stopped beating.

Edward twisted a little in his chair, until he was facing the expanse of familiar shiny tiles, dulled by the dust of years. No doubt the instrument would be out of tune, dreadfully so. Placing his fingers lightly, deliberately, in position Edward thought about what he would play. Just a little pressure on the keys and the piano would sing for him.

But he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t release the last strains of symphony that he had left, not while they existed within his mind and her memory.

He was embarrassed by his own discomfort. After all, playing was a mechanical skill, not spiritual. He shouldn’t have this kind of aversion to a task that was basically just an exercise of muscle memory. Still he could not force his fingers to press down. The flimsy materials could break under a fraction the strength in just his smallest finger, but he could not make them bend to his will.

He turned back to Jacob in defeat. The alcohol would likely take hours to work its way out of his system, but he wished that it would take longer. He didn’t feel everything as keenly in this state.

Jacob appeared to be understanding, though. He sat back in his chair again, as Edward moved away from the stool. Whether intentional or not, a single thought escaped from Jacob’s mind, into Edward’s net.

_That’s okay._

Edward had forgotten the tone of Jacob’s mind, the deep rumble of his thoughts. It was so odd, to have no insight at all into what had once been as open as a book. He’d never known Bella’s mind, but he had known Jacob’s.

As it had earlier, another thought jumped into Edward’s mind. It was as sudden as the first, and similarly surprising. That he had forgotten this seemed far too incredible.

“I’ve got a digital copy. On a CD. I recorded it for her.”

“Okay then.”

“It’s up in my room, with the sound system.”

Edward began calculating, with a foreign slowness, how he was going to play the CD for Jacob, but Jacob had already risen and taken a step toward the stairs. Edward shrugged to himself, and followed Jacob up to his room. Jacob stopped at the doorway.

“You can come in. Or do you need to wait for an invitation or something?”

“I thought that was you guys.”

“Only in the legend.”

Edward passed Jacob and went straight towards his CD collection. While he found what he was looking for, Jacob entered and looked around. Edward turned back to him for just a second, just long enough to pass him a nondescript disc.

“Put that in, would you?”

Edward went back to looking through his collection. It was beginning to look seriously outdated, he hadn’t added to it in the slightest in the last fifty years. Edward wondered just how many of his new CDs had become classics without ever having been played. He would need to update. Most of his family members had taken their own collections and belonging with them when they had left. While he hadn’t thought much about it at the time, Edward wondered if leaving everything had been a sign that he would return.

*

“Um...where?” Jacob looked around himself in a confused mini-panic. This was a full on sound system, one that Jacob should never be allowed to touch. He’d known that Edward had something like this, after al it wasn’t the first time that he’s seem the guys room, but he’d never realised the full extent of it until now. He was surrounded by dials and knobs and things that he didn’t even know the name for. Holding the CD carefully, he tried to locate just an input slot, but couldn’t really tell from the symbols what he was looking at. He was not game enough to take a guess.

Luckily, Edward took pity on him and relieved him of the disc, slotting it in where it obviously belonged.

Nothing happened. No sound came from any of the speakers. Edward cursed, something that Jacob still wasn’t used to, and went about checking the cables and connections, trying to pinpoint the problem. Jacob would have just given up. It was probably a single speck of dust that had somehow squeezed itself between two hidden bits, never to be found, yet wreaking absolute havoc.

Jacob looked around him slowly. The room was nice, he decided, even nicer from the inside than it seemed from the outside. He ignored the huge bed sitting in the centre.

Jacob was uncomfortable. Sure, the room was nice and Edward didn’t mind him being there, but all of that wasn’t helping to make him feel like this was a place he should be. He felt like he was ten years old again, visiting a friend’s house. No matter how well you know someone, or how comfortable you are with them, being in their room for the first time was never easy. Even with alcohol in his body.

At least the room didn’t smell bad, as Jacob had half expected it too.

Jacob continued standing awkwardly in the space between the bed and the door way.

Edward must have found and remedied the problem, because music began pouring out of every corner of the room. It was soft and slow, and immediately filled Jacob with images of Bella. He’d never been into classical music, never really into music at all, but she was so obviously there that Jacob couldn’t help seeing her before him. He stared wide eyed at its creator, who stared back, but neither really saw the other. The music was beautiful, haunting and clear. It wormed its way into the corners of Jacob’s mind, drugging him in a way that even the alcohol hadn’t been able too. The song carried on, altering tempo, tone, and key; but throughout it all was the assurance that its subject was undoubtedly Bella Swan.

Eventually the song ended, and Edward seemed to awaken from some spell. Jacob had never known that music could have that kind of power, but he felt himself rising from a similar state. Edward had something more than a talent. It was amazing.

Edward reached over and turned a dial, the music, as it moved on to the next track, faded a little into the background.

“I wrote all of the songs on the CD for her, but the first was the one I was talking about.”

Jacob nodded, unable to find his voice. Edward sat down on the bed, as if he had just discovered it there. Jacob finally found words again.

“That was stunning.”

“Thankyou.”

“No, truly.”

“Thankyou.” Edward repeated, and Jacob could tell that he was making the vampire uncomfortable with his praise. Edward looked embarrassed, and it didn’t take a lot of imagination for Jacob to know that the vampire would be blushing, if such a thing were unachievable feat.

Jacob didn’t know what else to say, but he felt like he should say something. He had been granted entrance into Edward’s room, after all. He owed the vampire some form of conversation. Jacob looked around him, trying to find something to comment on.

“Nice carpet.”

Edward looked at him as he had downstairs, when Jacob had suggested playing the tune, like Jacob had lost his mind. Jacob tried to overcome his own embarrassment. _Nice carpet?_

Music was still playing in the background.

"It's not like you haven't seen the carpet before." "I never had time to actually look. It looks to soft. Do you mind if …?”

Edward blinked rapidly a little when he realised when Jacob was stalking about. Then he nodded. Jacob's shoes were off and thrown aside in a matter of seconds. Jacob tried to rank this idea in the strange scale of his decisions lately, but it didn’t really rank anywhere. Besides, he was under the influence of pure alcohol. Surely a little eccentricity was understandable. Never mind that his rapid metabolism had worked most of the alcohol out of his system already. Jacob was just glad that his feet didn’t smell as he buried them in Edward’s soft carpet.

"It is really comfortable." "Really?" The question was spoken like a statement, as if Edward was still trying to wrap his head around Jacob’s strange behaviour. "You've never stood barefoot on your own carpet?" "Of course I have." Edward paused, but then continued. "But only for a few seconds while I get my shoes." Jacob laughed. Leave it to the prim and proper vampires to always be immaculately dressed, even in the comfort of their own home. "Well, come on then." "What?" "Shoes off." "…what?"

*

Jacob had been right. Edward could hardly believe that he hadn’t noticed before. The feeling of the rug underneath his bare feet was fantastic.

The two were now sitting cross-legged, facing each other and listening to the soft tones vibrating out of his sound system. They had almost worked their way through the entire CD, laughing a little at some of the happier songs. Jacob had been inspired, by one particular piano riff, to share with Edward one of his memories of Bella. While Edward had already seen them all, in Jacob’s head, he’d enjoyed listening. Jacob told him about Bella as a child, playing in her backyard while their father’s had laughed and joked about subjects beyond their childish comprehension or short range of interest. Jacob told him things about Bella that he had never known. In return Edward did what he could to share his own Bella with Jacob.

It was her birthday. Would have been her birthday. A few days ago, only a few days, was the anniversary of her death. It hadn’t really occurred to Edward that the two were so close. It had been so easy to be consumed by one and forget about the other.

Somehow it felt right to spend the hours with Jacob. It felt like they were truly remembering her, in a way that neither of them had been able to do in a very long time. Jacob was the only person who had known Bella the way that Edward had. The way that Bella existed now, that belonged to the two of them. She had brought them together before, and she held them together now.

Edward was still feeling lightheaded. He cursed his practically stagnant body. He no longer needed the dampening effect of the drugged blood. He no longer needed the borrowed strength of imposed irrationality to either remember of forget. He had Jacob. Jacob who was currently halfway through a story about the time when he and Bella had found a small family of baby ducks, and had begged their fathers to let them keep it. Edward smiled at Jacob’s descriptions of the fuzzy balls of duck down. There was a new light in Jacob’s eyes, a new enthusiasm. Jacob was rediscovering what he had forgone to remain angry. Edward was rediscovering all of the things he thought he was willing to leave behind.

It hadn’t been the music that had gotten through to him. It still played in the background, familiar and yet so new. It had been Jacob, with his recollections of childhood hijinks, with the snippets of memory that he would unconsciously allow to flow into Edward’s awareness. The wolf’s voice banished the ghosts from the room and encouraged Edward to hope that they were gone for good.

Edward closed his eyes. A flash of memory, Bella pleading with Charlie to let her keep just one of the ducklings, caused both Edward and Jacob to chuckle. Edward smiled as the music continued to wash over him. Almost unconsciously, he leaned forward, lips still lifted at the corners, and gently kissed Jacob.

The instant his lips met Jacob’s music poured into Edward’s head. New music, new chords, new phrases. Beautiful, bittersweet and overpowering. It played intoxicatingly around his head. The contact of their kiss awakened in Edward all of the creativity and passion that he had thought dead and gone. A new song filled his mind, almost distracting him from the boy he had just kissed.

Edward’s eyes were still closed, but he could feel Jacob, feel the air around the wolf remain completely still. No stirring, no movement at all. Jacob hadn’t reacted at all the Edward’s movement. Edward could feel his ice cold lips warm under the heat from Jacob’s.

Only seconds had passed. A part of Edward’s mind wondered at his loss of sanity. Why had he leaned in? Why was he not moving now to correct his mistake, salvage what he could from the wreckage this situation would surely become? The voice was silenced by the symphony Edward was constructing from the incredibly unusual sensations moving through his mind. What ever felt wrong or even dangerous was overshadowed by the shocking revelation that this was somehow right.

Then another melody poured into his mind. It wasn’t originating from himself, but from the room that he had almost forgotten existed. The CD had completed the final track and had cycled back to the first song. The sounds, so redolent of Bella, had broken though his unconscious reverie. The flow of music within his mind, the melody that had kept him still, kept him from reacting, was suddenly conflicting horribly with the familiar notes of Bella’s song. It didn’t make sense, it was all wrong, all broken and suddenly Edward was completely lost again. He didn’t know what to feel, or what to do. The new melody had fallen into disastrous cacophony.

Opening his eyes he flinched back. Jacob’s eyes were also open and he was staring with a look of half wonder, half horror. Edward felt a flood of guilt and remorse overcome him. He no longer understood any of what had always been so clear to him. He loved Bella. He always would. But he couldn’t explain what had happened when he had kissed Jacob. What he had felt…he no longer knew anymore.

There was a look of pain on Jacob’s face, amongst the confusion of emotion that the man must surely be feeling. Edward briefly considered whether it had been caused by the kiss, or by Edward’s recoil. Either way, he had no time to find out.

As suddenly as Edward had pulled back, and as soon as Jacob could recover his wits, the wolf was standing and out of the door. Edward thought of calling him back, of apologizing and assuring the wolf that it would never, _never_ , happen again, but he found that he was unable to do so. He’d done something stupid, again, and now he was going to have to suffer the consequences. He couldn’t believe his lack of presence of mind. What had come upon him?

His mind was swimming with what had just happened, but as Bella’s song ended, and the next began, Edward couldn’t help but notice that the new melody was still there, still trapped in his mind. Jacob inspired it, Edward thought, but that didn’t help him to understand the situation any better.


	17. Chapter 17

Jacob drew in a shuddering breath. He was still trying to convince himself that the air he as breathing was actually reaching his lungs. He inhaled again, trying to fill his lungs with cold air. He was alone in his house again, moonlight pouring in the windows.

When he had left Edward, night had just been taking a true hold. Jacob hadn’t really noticed, despite the oversized windows in Edward’s room. Jacob had been distracted by the past, delving into it for the first time in a very long while. It had been so long since he had remembered, intentionally, anything about that time, so long ago when everything had been so different. He’d been so caught up in it, just talking, not even caring if Edward was listening, that he hadn’t noticed Edward leaning in. The first thing that really registered was the shock of ice against his lips.

It had been surprisingly pleasant.

The alcohol had long since stopped having an effect on him, though he hadn’t felt the urge to drink more. It was comforting, to find that he didn’t need to drink to feel truly comfortable with Edward. All that he had to do was forget that he was there. Jacob wondered whether that boded well for their relationship.

 _Relationship_. That was a laugh. After today, even a simple friendship had flown out of his grasp.

It had been that feeling again, as if all the air had been drawn slowly out of his lungs.

Not while Edward had been kissing him. If it could even be called kissing. It was only a brief touch of lips. Nothing like Jacob’s limited experience in the kissing department. And yet it had been so much more. Jacob felt the kiss, with a greater resolution and clarity than he had ever felt anything. It was only contact, physical contact, but it resonated throughout his being with a magnitude that rocked him to his core. He felt, he couldn’t even begin to describe what he had felt. Edward had begun humming against his lips, the vibrating movements almost imperceptible. Some wordless melody, sung to Jacob through their connected lips.

They Edward had pulled away, and taken with him all of the air in the room. Jacob felt it, that sinking feeling, the realisation destroying the fantasy. For a second everything had made a strange kind of scene, like truth and reality didn’t matter. But that second was gone as soon as Edward recoiled from the kiss. Jacob had felt it all dissolve. He realised just how much he wanted this, this whatever it was, and how much it would hurt him to have it taken away. He was almost angry with Edward for ruining it, for denying him the chance to finally feel something, after all this time, to feel right, and safe, and close.

He couldn’t breathe. Suddenly the walls of the room were so much closer than Jacob had first realised, and Edward was staring at him, eyes wide. Jacob had felt horribly guilty, as if it were him, not Edward, who had leaned in, broken that unspoken rule. Jacob felt that he had, in some way, betrayed the vampire. Was it all his fault? He was the sober one, after all.

He could barely understand what had happened, or how it had happened, but he had realised that he had to get out. Edward didn’t move at all, not even in that parody of breath that they unconsciously employed. The tension in the room, the anger, or rejection, or pity, whatever it was that Edward had building up inside of him, Jacob didn’t want to be there when it broke.

So he had left. He had listened to his empty lungs, refusing to even look back as he ran out of the room, out of the house.

He’d at least had the presence of mind to take the car, unlike the other times he’d rushed out of the Cullen household. His shoes, though, were still sitting on the carpet, next to Edward’s still body. Jacob didn’t want to collect them. They could sit there for eternity for all he cared.

Everything had changed and it had only taken couple of seconds. All it had taken, for his hopes of a stable friendship to go flying down the drain, was brief kiss. And it hadn’t really been his fault.

Jacob paced the room. There was something else. There was always something else. It bugged him and without thinking it through, he knew that he would be unable to settle down. He didn’t want to sleep, but he knew that it would evade him anyway.

Jacob didn’t _want_ to think about it. Chances were it would only make things worse, if possible. His sanity depended on not thinking about the thing.

Like he had a choice. His sanity was shot to buggery anyway, because, whatever way he looked at the situation, however much he didn’t understand, Edward had kissed him.

He’d apparently changed his mind and reacted with disgust he deemed appropriate for the situation, but the fact still remained that Edward had kissed him.

And Jacob had felt a jolt of hope that his strange attraction wasn’t quite as unrequited as he had thought.

What he felt for Edward hadn’t diminished in the slightest. Jacob wished that he could either understand it or stop it, since he’d been unable to go back to just ignoring it. But it was beyond his powers of comprehension. It made no sense that he would feel this way towards his mortal enemy, the sole reason he’d been forced into being a wolf and had chosen to remain one. It was beyond weird.

But that Edward would begin to like him back… that was simply crazy.

Even though it had been hours ago, adrenaline was still being very much a nuisance. Jacob was finding it impossible to think straight, and a very small or very large part of his mind was screaming at him to go back.

 _Now_.

Jacob wasn’t entirely sure, because the screaming was so loud that no rational thought could really get purchase.

And even though Jacob knew that it was the worst possible things that he could do, he wanted to listen to every crazy thought that he was having. Because no matter how much he tried, he couldn’t get his heart to slow down. Every time he took a step he could feel it reverberate along his knees, and his legs would go weak, because it was so tiring. Whatever it was that had or hadn’t happened, it had done something to him, and now he couldn’t calm down. He was freaking out, and all attempts to stay calm weren’t working. He was getting closer and closer to doing something rash out of desperation. And hope.

He didn’t want to let himself hope, but hope came anyway. He hadn’t let himself hope in over half a century, now he couldn’t stop himself. He knew that he would most likely get hurt, that all that was waiting for him was rejection. But that didn’t seem to matter.

He had to get control of himself. Just stop himself from doing something stupid until he could think straight. He couldn’t just leave, like he’d done before when things got too difficult. Now he had a pack, people who were reliant on him, he couldn’t just go.

He had responsibilities. He couldn’t do whatever it was his irrational mind was telling him to do. The group already had to deal with a lot, without Jacob adding to the crazy in their lives.

He just had to get through the new day. Nothing had to change. He just had to pretend that nothing had happened. Just because pretending had never helped him before, didn’t mean that it wouldn’t work this time.

 

*

 

Jacob was working in the garage. Tinkering with the car, keeping his hands busy, it was helping to keep his mind of what had almost happened. It stopped his from focusing on the ghost of a chance that Edward had bought into an eerie half-life. At the very least it allowed him to escape from everything. Everyone in the pack knew not to disrupt him when the garage door was closed. Unlike his old pack, the new boys didn’t spend every waking moment in their alpha’s house. They’d bunked down in some house that Sam Senior had provided for them. Secretly Jacob suspected that it was Sam’s way to have at least a little control over the new pack. Jacob didn’t blame him. All of Sam’s fears about Jacob’s leadership had been spot on. Jacob wasn’t cut out to be a leader. All that he had going for him was his genetics, and some freaky twist of fate that gave him a good batch.

Jacob had always been a loose cannon, before and after Bella’s death. Too good at twisting the rules and too willing to disobey. The perfect candidate for a bad influence.

But Jacob trusted his boys to pull through. Even after everything that had happened they were all staying together, and all still training hard. It was enough to give Jacob some hope for them.

He fiddled with a small part, grease staining his hands black and blotched, but still heard the door creak slowly open. Breathing deeply Jacob tested the air for a scent amid the oil and metal smell that filled the air. He didn’t really need to though. He’d been expecting another visit

_Speak of the devil._

Sam Senior came around the side of the car.

 _And he shall appear_ , Jacob thought, a little bitterly.

Neither man spoke for a while. Jacob went on fiddling with his car parts, not really focusing on the task. He was grateful for the intrusion. It promised to distract him for a while.

Jacob figured that Sam wasn’t going to speak until he stood up but he was in no rush. When he did rise, his knees creaked. Wiping his hands on a rag, he turned to his visitor.

“To what do I own the honour of your time?”

Sam smiled wryly.

“Hello to you too.”

“No but really. I heard that you’re a pretty important person nowadays. Good to see you’ve still got time for the little people.” Jacob bantered. He knew that he was blowing off a little steam, but he couldn’t stop himself from sounding like a petulant child.

“I’m not here to chat-” Sam began, but Jacob interrupted.

“No one ever comes to chat.” Just to complete the image of childish absurdity Jacob pouted. Sam almost smiled, but controlled his features just in time to look disapproving.

“Can we just be serious for a minute here?”

“You can be serious. If you want.”

“It’s about Edward.”

Jacob fell silent. He’d expected this. What else would Sam want to talk about? He _hadn’t_ expected the mere mention of Edward’s name to cause such a sensation of memory. He had hoped that the perpetual argument that had been boiling away in the back of his mind would continue to simmer until it burnt itself out, but it was brought back to the front of his mind with a cool precision. Sam took advantage of his silence to continue.

“It’s not like I want to break up the pack, not when they’re still so new and showing so much potential. But they don’t need a vampire nearby to keep them active. They’ve got you to teach them that.”

“What do you mean?”

“Edward’s here all alone. I think that maybe it’s time he returned to his own kind.”

“Why?” Even as he said it Jacob realised that it was the wrong question for him to be asking.

“Because he’s doing no one any good where he is. He’ll start attracting more vampires, one’s that aren’t so human friendly.”

“I don’t think-”

“It’s what they do Jake. Like us, they’re clan oriented. They can’t be alone.”

“But-”

“Just get rid of him. We don’t want him so close to our land. He’s unstable.”

Jacob didn’t say anything. Sam had gone back to being the voice of the community. A community that Jacob had no part in, that he merely lived on the outskirts of. A community that didn’t really know what had happened all those years ago.

They wanted Edward gone, but Edward still couldn’t leave. Whatever it was that Edward wasn’t ready to give up on, Sam was telling Jacob to wrench it out of his grasp.

Jacob remembered the confusion he’d seen flash across Edward’s face, just as he had recoiled from the kiss. He wasn’t about to deny that his wish to keep Edward was around was selfish. At least not to himself.

Sam didn’t need to know, though.

“He can’t go.”

“Why not?”

“Because he’s not ready to leave.”

“We know you spend time there. He’s ready to sit down and drink tea with his mortal enemy and ex-rival, but he’s not ready to leave?”

“He’s not ready to leave _her_.”

Sam was quiet. He seemed to detect the magnitude, without fully understanding the context, of Jacob’s revelation. Jacob’s mind was spinning. His worst fears had found words, at last, and he’d come to realise exactly why he’d been hesitating, why the argument was still flying back and forth in the back of his mind. He was afraid that, for Edward, it would always be Bella. There was always the possibility, probability, that if Edward did progress or heal enough to move on, he wouldn’t want to do it with Jacob. But greater was the fear that such a time would never come. Bella’s ghost stood between them, and perhaps she always would.

Sam sighed, and chuckled a sad laugh.

“Jake, you and I are too old to argue. I understand that he needs time, but he can’t stay indefinitely.”

Jacob nodded. Sam was only saying exactly what Jacob had been saying himself a couple of months ago. Sam appeared to be pleased with Jacob’s nod, he placed his hand on the younger man’s shoulder before turning and walking out.

Jacob went back to tinkering with the shell of a car, hoping that the thoughts that had been stirred up by his impromptu meeting with the town’s most respected senior citizen would quickly settle.

 

*

 

For some unknown reason, it was so important to Jacob that there was no choice. If there was choice it meant that he was free to go running back into the arms of rejection with a goofy smile on his face. He didn’t want to be that person again. He needed to have no choice but to try and make everything the same. It would be easier.

And in the end he guessed that there wasn’t really a choice. Because his sanity and his rational mind were fighting a losing battle against a tide of emotional shrapnel. In the end, the only choice that he had was whether or not to choose. He could choose to keep fighting and slowly go mad, or to give in, because there was only one way to stop all this.

He had to go and see Edward. Only he didn’t know exactly what that meant. He could just turn up, without a plan, and see what happened, but he didn’t know if he could do that. He needed to think, but he was too far past the time for sane thought.

He was sitting down, grounded to the chair. It felt safe. Stable. Less like Jacob’s knees were going to give in if he tried to take a step.

Jacob didn’t know what was wrong with him. It had never been like this with Bella.

He had to go now, before he changed his mind. He stood up and began walking towards the door. He’d only taken a few steps before he turned around again. He sat back down, but his initial movement had started his blood pumping and now it was deafening him. Now was the time. He stood again, resolutely fighting against the urge to run in the opposite direction, and made it to the door. The night air did nothing to counteract his raging pulse, but he was glad for it. The adrenaline that was pumping through his beings was the only thing keeping him standing.

Run or take the car?

Take the car. For reasons that became completely obvious as a blush spread across Jacob’s features.

He didn’t remember much of the drive, his attention barely on the road. It was night again, with nothing but the streetlights dancing upon the hood of his car and lighting up the road for brief seconds at intervals. Jacob was unable to hold his focus on the black asphalt, and was glad that the road was pretty much deserted.

When he pulled into the driveway, Jacob took a deep breath and forced his way out of the car, knowing that if he hesitated for even a moment he might get back in the driver’s seat.

Jacob ascended the few steps and did what he had never, in all of his long memory, done. He knocked on Edward’s door.

 

*

 

It was only seconds, but Jacob would have sworn that it was longer.

He was waiting, as patiently as he could. Just waiting. It was right to wait but he could feel his heart beating, each thrum against his ribcage desperately urging him to turn around and leave.

But he’d made it this far, he could wait a few seconds more.

He hadn’t really thought before knocking, but he realised as he stood, trying to stare through the great wooden door, that it had been the right thing to do. He’d given Edward a choice. Edward would be able to hear his standing there, and know what he was doing there. It was Edward’s choice whether or not to open the door.

Jacob didn’t have a plan. He was running on instinct and a lack of sleep. He didn’t know yet what he would do if the dopers opened, but he knew he would be even more lost if it remained closed. He felt each shuddering breath rip through his body, feeling as if he had actually run all of the way. It was a reminder that breathing was just about all he was capable of while the door was still closed.

He was completely hopeless. Ridiculous. This was not acceptable behaviour for someone going on seventy. He wondered exactly when he’d become a teenage girl.

Jacob knew how crazy he as acting, but he was there now, and he was going to see it all through. He’d made his decision and finally an end was insight. Whatever happened; it calmed him a little to think that he was only doing the inevitable. He had had no real choice.

He focused on the dark wood of the door. He was trying not to listen, not wanting his enhanced hearing to pick up either silence or the sound of footsteps from within the house.

The door opened.

Instead of staring intently at the door, Jacob found himself staring at a shirt. A blue shirt. It took his mind a little while to catch up and figure out that the shirt was being worn. He didn’t look up. Now that he was here, standing in front of Edward, his mind had gone completely blank. He couldn’t bring himself to either look up or move.

Edward didn’t say anything, but Jacob couldn’t see his face to know what the vampire was feeling.

They stood like that, neither speaking, neither moving, until Edward sighed. Leaving the door open Edward walked back into the house, and Jacob finally found enough control to follow.


	18. Chapter 18

“Jacob, I’m…”

Edward seemed to run out of words before the end of his sentence. Jacob didn’t have the presence of mind to try to figure out what the vampire was trying to say.

His throat was dry and Jacob was sure that he’d forgotten to breathe. There was something important that he had wanted to say, but he could no longer remember what it was.

Edward hesitated for a moment and then tried again.

“I’m sorry.”

Jacob’s mind reached a new platform of vacancy. Why was Edward apologizing? Whatever Jacob had been expecting, whatever he had come here for, this wasn’t it. A feeling of intense disquiet rose in his chest. He didn’t want Edward to be sorry about what had happened.

“I don’t know why I did what I did. I’m really sorry, I don’t want this to change things. We can still be friends, this doesn’t have to change that.” Edward lifted his hand to his face rubbing briefly at his forehead before moving to the back of his neck. Jacob watched the movement, feeling his own discomfort rising.

Edward’s words assaulted Jacob’s mind. This was all wrong, and he didn’t want to hear it. He wanted Edward to stop saying these things. He wasn’t looking for the kind of reassurance that Edward was offering. Finally, after the endless minutes of purposeless stupor, a resolution appeared in Jacob’s mind and he clung to it like a life raft. It suddenly seemed so clear, why he had come here, everything that he had been feeling for the last few months. It might not make sense, but it felt right. It felt like the only thing that actually existed.

Jacob resolved that he had to stop Edward’s words, stop the destructive possibility of their poisonous power. He could only hope that Edward didn’t truly mean them.

“I swear, I will never-”

Jacob interrupted him by stepping forward and kissing him.

He barely registered the difference in temperatures as he pressed his lips forcefully against the stone lips of Edward’s frozen statue. Edward was slightly shorter than Jacob, something that the wolf had never really noticed before. It hadn’t seemed to matter, but now that Jacob had to crouch slightly to reach Edward’s lips, it started to register.

Edward still hadn’t moved, but the kiss wasn’t motionless as the last one had been. Jacob was moving slowly, waiting and hoping for Edward to react. Slowly, Jacob began to straighten up, pulling his lips slightly away from Edwards. Moving just as slowly Edward inclined his head to follow Jacob’s movements.

Jacob’s heart almost stopped beating when Edward began to kiss him back. Edward’s lips moved just as slowly as Jacob’s had, slow but sure movements grounding Jacob to the spot where he stood.

It was over in mere seconds. Edward sprung back, pushing Jacob a few steps away from him, as though Jacob had shocked him with a cattle prod. The distance between them was instantly and exponentially increased. Jacob’s shock at the sudden loss of contact changed into disappointment. That had all been a mistake after all. Edward had been offering him a way to salvage their friendship, but that was truly gone now. This time it had been Jacob who had ruined it.

Jacob couldn’t look away from Edward’s face. His sharp features didn’t register disgust, as Jacob had expected them to, but mirrored the shock that was surely present on Jacob’s own skin. Jacob scrambled to get his thoughts back in order, to hide them from Edward for the sake of Edward’s own feelings.      

The shock seemed to dissolve from Edward’s features, leaving new emotions. Jacob couldn’t quell the rush of misinformed hope that filled his bones as he watched Edward’s slow reactions. Edward looked scared, desperate confused and unsure, but his features held no sight of the rejection that Jacob feared most. Jacob didn’t move as Edward took a few unsteady steps forward, closing the distance between them. As Edward’s lips came in contact with his, Jacob breathed a sigh of relief. They kissed, with equal participation and enthusiasm, both clinging desperately to the hopelessly displaced feeling of correctness.

Jacob marvelled at the completely new sensations that kissing Edward brought upon him. When he’d kissed Bella, it had been the only way to prove his feelings to her. He’d spent the whole time trying to convey something to her.

This was completely different. It may have started out as an attempt to shut Edward up, to show him how Jacob felt about what had happened, but the moment Edwards started kissing him back it changed. Jacob couldn’t focus in the face of the overwhelming emptions that overcame him. He didn’t have to worry about what Edward was thinking, or whether Edward got it.

He’d unconsciously let down all of his mental barriers once more and he could feel Edward in his mind, knew that Edward knew exactly what he was feeling. So Jacob just let himself feel, and got lost in the unfamiliar sense of belonging that quieted the unease that had found place in his chest even since Edward had first flinched back.

Jacob lifted his hand to Edward’s hair, carding his fingers through the surprisingly soft curls. The cold body in his arms responded in kind. Jacob had kept his hair cropped, it had always been easier as a wolf to keep his hair short, and the feeling of the cold fingers against his skin was unlike anything Jacob had ever felt before.

In an instant the kiss became more desperate. Edward pressed impossibly closer, breathing lightly against Jacob’s lips. Jacob parted his lips slightly and Edward deepened the kiss. Jacob could feel his usually amplified temperature fall slowly as Edward kissed him. Edward’s cold temperature was drawing in his heat and rising. The last thought Jacob had, before he lost all control of the kiss, was that their abnormal temperatures would probably cancel each other out completely.

Jacob hadn’t done a lot of kissing, and he’d never been kissed like this. Even while Jacob knew that Edward was unable to read his thoughts, Edward seemed to know exactly what Jacob was thinking. It had felt more natural, easier, to bring his guard back up. Not that there was much thinking being done, Edward seemed to by systematically reducing Jacob to a thoughtless being intent on holding on to the perfect feeling coiling in his stomach. This kiss was all Edward’s now.

Edward lowered his hands to Jacob’s shoulders, pushing them gently. Perhaps, had Jacob been completely human, that light touch would have been enough to move him, but as it was he didn’t budge. He was content standing in the middle of the corridor.

Edward, though, seemed to grow a little impatient at Jacob’s lack of movement. Tiny frown lines formed between his eyes, though he made no movement to disconnect their lips. Bringing his hands back up to Jacob’s hair, Edward tugged lightly, causing Jacob’s head to spin.

Edward must’ve noticed Jacob swaying on his feet, because he held onto the short tufts of Jacob’s hair and pulled harder. A full-blown shudder ran through Jacob’s body, leaving his knees weak and causing a heavy sigh to escape his lips.

As his sigh fell upon Edward’s lips, it stirred the vampire into action. With a greater fraction of his true strength, Edward pushed Jacob back, stumbling with him until Jacob’s back jolted against the hard wall.

Edward pressed his body closer, pulling Jacob to him simultaneously. The warmth that accompanied the intimate contact filled Jacob’s mind. It was too much. A brief spike of fear pierced Jacob’s contentment. He didn’t know where this was going, but it was definitely somewhere he wasn’t ready to go.

Feeling the need to regain a little control over the situation, but not willing to in anyway stop, Jacob flipped them around so that Edward was backed against the wall. Edward’s arms were still around his shoulders, fingers still grasping at the back of Jacob’s neck, and Jacob’s own hands found their way to the wall either side of the vampire’s body.

Jacob used the wall to pull his mutinous body away from Edward’s, just enough to quiet the worry. This didn’t have to turn into anything more serious just yet. Jacob wasn’t ready for _that._

A small disapproving sound came from Edward at the loss of contact. Jacob’s body strained with the difficulty of not quieting the sounds by just giving in to their silent plea. He wanted to be closer to Edward, to hold him against the wall and feel the imitation of shuddering breaths escape the vampire’s body. But he didn’t want to completely lose control.

Edward strained away from the wall, towards Jacob, but Jacob pulled back completely, until he was standing with his back against the opposite wall. Edward seemed to realise that something was up, and didn’t follow.

Jacob’s breathed like someone who had only recently discovered oxygen. He waited for his heart to stop beating quite so fast, watching Edward study him. A little of the worry that Jacob had seen returned to Edward’s features. Worry that Jacob had changed his mind? Jacob smiled at Edward and saw the worry disappear.

“So… ah…”

Edward smiled as well, regaining most of his composure. While straightening his shirt and standing upright did wonders for his image, it didn’t quite counteract the mess of his hair and the gold glow of his eyes.

Jacob sighed, leaning down against the wall. He sunk to the floor, sitting down. Even with the emotional cocktail flowing through his bloodstream, Jacob could feel fatigue closing in. It had been too long since he had slept, and he’d been running on nervous anticipation for far too long.

Edward paused for a second and then sunk down to the ground opposite him. He looked at Jacob a little expectantly.

Jacob knew that he owed Edward an explanation, but he was dreading giving it. It was a little embarrassing, to say the least.

Everything seemed to have fallen into place between them. They sat, for perhaps the first time, in a completely comfortable silence. It felt natural, warm and pleasant, to be sitting here. Jacob had expected it to be weird, uncomfortable, for it to take a lot of work to get to this. But it seemed right.

Jacob could feel sleep intruding on his mind, knew that he would have to leave soon if he had any chance of driving home in a semi-reasonable state.

“That was… unexpected.” Edward began. Jacob smirked at him.

“Really?” He asked sceptically.

“Yes.”

“You’re supposed to be the mind reader.”

“I can’t read your mind.”

“You could before.”

“Yes, but I never expected this.” Jacob smiled, but then his face fell. An explanation was still owing.

“I’m… ah… sorry that…” Unbidden, a thought escaped his mind, to Jacob’s relief. He knew that, even if it had been unintentional, it was taking the coward’s way out.

Edward seemed to understand. He sighed, letting his head fall back against the wall.

“What a pair we make. The widower and the seventy year old virgin. Sounds like the start of a bad joke.”

Jacob smiled gratefully. He’d been dreading telling Edward, partially because it was a little pathetic being the _seventy year old virgin_ and partially because he didn’t want Edward to blame himself. It had been Edward’s influence in his life, the overpowering anger and wish for revenge that had stopped Jacob from going out and _having_ a life.

He chuckled. Edward was right, they were quite a strange pair.

Edward rose to his feet, reaching his hand out to help Jacob up. When they were both standing, Edward leaned forward, frowning slightly and kissed Jacob again, soft and undemanding.

Edward pulled back and looked into Jacob’s eyes. Jacob almost caught a glimpse of sadness and regret as Edward looked at him. Something that hadn’t been there only seconds before and was gone just as quickly as it had appeared.

Jacob smiled, and yawned deeply. By the time he looked back. Edward was by the door, holding the keys that had been in Jacob’s jacket pocket.

“You need to get home and sleep. Come on, I’ll drive you to the border.”

Jacob tried to ignore the melancholic note of utter finality in Edward’s voice.

It shouldn’t belong there anymore.

 


	19. Chapter 19

Edward realised that he’d pretty much lost his mind. After all, he was displaying most of the symptoms of full blown insanity.

But that hardly justified the huge mistake he had made.

 

*

 

Blazing sun filtered through the window, roughly tempting Jacob awake. He didn’t move, unwilling to scare the remaining sleep out of his limbs. As the minute of inaction threatened to turn into an hour, and the sun grew brighter from where it was desperately seeking refuge from the outdoors in the shade of his room, he rose and plodded out of the room.

He felt groggy and uncomfortable, as if he’d had given his body too much rest and it was trying to pay him back with sluggish limbs and an inability to concentrate.

The events of the previous night were not forgotten. Jacob couldn’t imagine them ever being thought of more than in the hour he sat at his table eating breakfast and enjoying the solitude of the morning. He replayed every moment, flinching at the memory of his own strange behaviour. It was a surprise that Edward even understood what was going on, with Jacob acting so abnormally.

The easy feeling was gone. Jacob no longer felt that everything could be fixed between him and Edward by that single kiss, even if he’d managed to convey just _half_ of what he’d wanted to say. It would never be that easy. His own behaviour, everything about the interaction made him feel a little bit uncomfortable in the light of the day.

But he didn’t regret any of it for a second. Though his manner of going about the whole thing caused him embarrassment, he couldn’t stop the goofy smile that spread across his face.

He was happy.

As strange and foreign as it felt to him, he recognised the feeling. From a time long ago, before his life had turned into a fairy-tale drama. It had been so long.

Jacob grew tired of smiling like a crazy person at his kitchen table. It was irrational, what he was feeling. He couldn’t explain it, whenever he tried he just ended up more confused.

But still just as happy.

His entire world had been completely turned around sometime years and years ago, in the dark caverns of his memory.

He was in love with a vampire.

Which should be pretty messed up.

It didn’t feel messed up.

Jacob rose from the uncomfortable chair. He left his dishes in the empty sink. He didn’t remember cleaning anything, by all accounts of memory the benches should be overflowing with old plates and cups, but he supposed that, in the cacophony of his mind only hours previously, the memory had merely been erased.

Everything was so quiet. The world seemed to be standing still outside of the walls of his house. Time passed, Jacob was aware of it, but it hardly seemed to matter. He had nothing that he had to do, and even though the idleness should feel unnatural, he didn’t mind it.

By the time it did grow annoying, more than half the day had been wasted. The stillness of the day had been disturbed by a slight breeze at some point, and by mid-afternoon it had grown into a true gale.

It wasn’t rare for Jacob to have a day off. With everything as it was in his gang, they were spending less time together than they were spending apart. Jacob spent a lot of time alone in his house.

Things were very slowly getting better. But it was still chaotic trying to deal with all of it. His whole life had fallen into disarray for the last year. But he felt like he’d finally figured something out.

 

*

 

The wind snatched the door out of his hand and threw it hard against the frame as soon as Jacob was inside. The Cullen house was almost completely dark, brief flashes of watery moonlight the only source of illumination. It was quiet too. The buzz of silence filled Jacob’s ears, to the point where he began to worry that it would obscure any other sound.

Jacob couldn’t smell anything out of place. The only vampire who had been here since Jacob had last left was Edward. But something was amiss.

Without conscious consent, Jacob could feel his hackles rising. He slipped silently and easily into hunter mode, crouching low and moving closer to one of the walls. Even knowing as he did that he should expect no danger from the darkened house, Jacob was unable to relax his posture as he delved deeper.

Still the silence whispered about him.

Jacob knew the house better than his own, had spent countless hours detailing the map in his head. He didn’t need the light to make his way around.

He heard nothing, saw nothing, but suddenly felt the air stir. It was nothing really, barely a breath of difference compared to the gale raging outside, but Jacob knew that someone else was there.

It could only be Edward, but if it was, why didn’t he say anything? Why stalk the shadows, as Jacob was doing himself?

Another movement. Jacob could see Edward silhouetted against the windows as the clouds parted once more. In a flash the inky vision was gone, but Jacob knew that Edward himself had not so much as stirred.

Jacob felt as though a shard of ice was holding him in place, pierced directly through his chest. This was not right. It was only the two of them in the house, of that Jacob grew surer by the second. There was no threat, and yet the wolf in him fought to growl a low warning.

The silence grew stronger, until Jacob grew afraid to break it with the sound of his own breaths. He wanted to speak, to say something to Edward, but he could not bring himself to form the words.

Something was wrong.

He stayed, half crouched, half standing, waiting for something. Anything.

Edward was completely still. Each flash of light that punctured the cloud cover revealed his stark outline. Jacob began to wonder whether it was truly a living thing that faced him.

Jacob could see well in the dark, without the occasional lighting, but Edward was sunk so deep in shadow that Jacob couldn’t make out much.

Jacob began to panic. His instinct was willing him to take charge, to attack, to do something. He was barely managing to keep his reflexes in check.

He’d come on Edward’s request. It had been the quiet words given to him as they parted the night before, standing on the edge of his land, that had brought Jacob back again so soon. Jacob had tried again to ignore the sadness escaping from the vampire, but the memories came back now with full force.

What had Edward truly been feeling, when they had parted yesterday? Jacob had barely been able to spare it a thought, he was too tired for anything of the sort, but now he began to worry. This was the worse of worse-case-scenarios that Jacob could have come up with, since he had absolutely no clue what was going on.

It was Edward that broke the silence.

In a shattered voice, too low for human ears to pick up, he spoke into the retreating silence.

“You should go Jacob.”

Jacob tried to understand what Edward was saying, but everything was still making no sense. He understood what was being asked of him, but had no clue as to why.

He shook his head violently into the darkness.

He knew that Edward had understood as the vampire sighed, deep and seductively, and shifted from his place by the window.

Jacob swallowed, and finally found his words.

“What’s going on Edward? What’s wrong?”

“I warn people, but do they listen? No.”

Thinking too much with his human mind was dampening the wolf’s senses. Edward had disappeared into the darkness and Jacob no longer knew where his voice had echoing from. It slithered out of the darkness to greet him.

“But you, Jacob, you should know better.”

Jacob turned sharply as he felt the air shift just over his left shoulder. He could see nothing behind him.

“I’m a hunter,” Edward continued. “I hunt things. I’m dangerous. I should be avoided.”

“What are you doing? I don’t understand.”

“Of course you don’t,” crooned the voice, settling upon Jacob from somewhere. “You understand so little. I don’t want to hurt you, dog, so I will suggest again that you leave.”

Jacob shook his head again. He didn’t know what Edward was playing at, but this was ridiculous. Even still, his body would not relax, and he could not help but recognise the very real threat.

“Have it your way.”

Jacob twisted slightly to one side, though the movement did little to reveal Edward’s hiding place.

What Edward was saying made little sense, but one thing was clear to Jacob. Whatever it was that had thrown Edward into this state, it must have happened last night. That seemed, at the very least, to be a good place to start.

“What did I do, Edward? What happened last night to make you feel this way?”

The low voice hushed him. Jacob had heard the voice of a cold hearted killer enough to know that this was not it. Jacob could feel the emotion lurking beneath the calculated tone. There was sadness there, regret and confusion and a whole heap of something that Jacob couldn’t recognise. Edward was defending himself against the pain by pushing Jacob away the only way he knew how. Threats and the attempted reveal of his true character.

But Jacob already knew who Edward was. What he was. He’d come into all of this knowing what he was doing, with his eyes wide open, and he wasn’t about to be scared off by some Ventriloquy and a couples of vampire party tricks.

If Edward had changed his mind, of he didn’t want this, he just had to say it. Jacob was listening.

Even so, Jacob thought that he finally understood just how dangerous Edward could be. This Edward wasn’t the bloodthirsty monster that Jacob had always imagined, the side of a vampire’s power that he’d always been exposed to. This hunt wasn’t a frenzy, quick and unavoidable.

This was slow. It was personal and tireless and Jacob could feel the sheer force of Edward’s presence filling the room. In a way it was terrifying. A true hunt and a patient hunter.

“Edward.” Jacob spoke out against the oppressing darkness. There was no reply. The room was completely still. Jacob took a chance and freed a recent memory, sending it out into the room around him.

There was still no reply, but the memory sparked some movement in Edward. Jacob could feel him moving in the darkness. It wasn’t at all reassuring. The sudden flurry sent shivers up Jacob’s spine.

Reminding Edward about what had happened last night was the wrong move.

Jacob took a step forward. The movements stopped. They both stood, frozen in their respective shadows. Jacob chanced another step forward.

“Edward, I don’t know what’s going on here. If you’ve…Oh God, I don’t know…If you’ve changed your mind about everything, about me, that’s fine. You just have to say so and I’ll go. You-”

Jacob stopped. Edward knew the rest.

Nothing was said in the darkness for a long moment. Slowly, Jacob could feel the tension lessen and the ominous mood of the darkness change. He felt like he could breathe again, but even as the atmosphere became more comfortable, Jacob could feel his own chest constricting. He waited for Edward’s words. He feared what they would be.

When Edward did finally speak, it wasn't the silky smooth richness that had whispered to Jacob out of the darkness. Edward's voice was still quiet, but it was no longer the controlled facade that it had been. It was desperate and broken. It broke Jacob’s heart to hear it, even more that the words it composed.

"Please. Just leave."

 

*

 

"...okay."

Jacob turned. He knew where the door was. He had to leave. He had to get out. He took a step, but remembered that there was something that he had to do. Not his words, but they had to be said none the less. To protect-

"You can't stay here. Leave while the pack is still young." Sam's advice from an age ago. Jacob desperately regretted not deciding that morning to begin living as a recluse.

His head was spinning as he was thrown back into the chaos from which he had escaped for a short while. Everything was crashing again, everything was uncontrollable noise.

It was difficult to move towards the door without stumbling while trying to bite back the bile rising in his throat.

It was happening again. All over again. He was losing something that had held him, for some unknowable amount of time, to sanity, and he had no idea what to do.

All the whole his brain was screaming blame internally.

_You should have known better._

_You should have known better._

_Who would ever love you?_

He was glad that Edward couldn't know his thoughts. The vampire had made his choice, he'd shown Jacob the way things stood. Jacob cursed himself for being so blind. Hope was a luxury that he'd been denied for so long, a light in the dark confusion of his life, and he'd allowed it to blind him to the truth.

Jacob couldn't hear the silence anymore. It was lost in the white noise of his mind. He suddenly found himself at the door.

Even amongst the confusion that had grabbed hold of him, a moment of clarity broke through. At least he was leaving it all behind. This time at least there was nothing to come back for, no duty of care or ghostly memory. This was truly the end.

He stretched his hand out towards the wood, but before his fingertips could reach it their path was impeded. Edward stood pressed against the doorframe.

Outside the wind had dies down, and the milky light of the moon no longer flickered through the large windows. Jacob could see Edward, as plain as day, standing completely still. His head was bowed, and though he made no movement to let Jacob pass, he didn't look up to meet his eyes either.

Edward had appeared seemingly out of nowhere. Whatever motive he had for blocking Jacob's exit, he was past caring. Nothing mattered anymore. Maybe Edward had been completely serious about the predator/prey thing, maybe it hadn't just been an attempt to scare Jacob off. Maybe he'd already forfeited his life by coming here to tonight. He didn't really care.

But Edward's shoulders were hunched, the tips of them almost brushing his ears. His eyes downcast and his hands tucked away, against the wall behind him. Not the stance adopted before murder. He looked almost contrite.

Jacob's fingers were still stretched out in front of him, hovering centimetres away from Edward's chest. As he realized this, Jacob brought his hands back down, and just wished that the vampire'd get on with whatever he was going to do.

"I'm sorry."

Jacob felt a shock run through him. He hadn’t been expecting words at all, and certainly had not foreseen this. It blew his idea of what was happening even further from any semblance of accuracy. He gathered the courage to speak himself.

"Edward, what in god's name is going on?" Jacob was aware that he was repeating himself, but as he had yet to receive an actual answer to this question, he would continue asking.

"I'm sorry Jacob, but I can't..." Edward trailed off, voice still whisper soft.

Jacob didn't think that he could take any more. It required all of his strength just to be able to walk out of the door, or it would have, if he'd gotten that far.

"I know that you don't want to be with me. That's why I'm going."

Edward let out what might have been a chuckle, a half strangled noise.

"I want...but I can't...I can't be her, Jacob."

He must have misheard, because of all the things Edward had said to him in the darkness, this made the least sense.

"I don't understand."

"You always...I mean come on Jacob, it was never _me_. It was her. You only wanted me because you couldn't have _her_ , and I did. That stuff happens all the time. But I can't do this. I'm not going to play her ghost."

Jacob balked at this insight into Edward's clearly addled mind. Edward thought that this was about Bella?

"You think-" Jacob began, but Edward cut him off.

"I know. This was never about the two of us. If you think about it I suppose it makes perfect sense. I..." Edward grimaced, as if he was having trouble understanding what he was feeling.

Jacob would wager that he himself was in a worse state. It made no sense, no matter how reasonable that sad and velvet made it sound.

This had nothing to do with Bella. This was something completely new, something that Jacob had never come close to experiencing before. What he had felt for Bella had been different. Diluted by the innocence of childhood memories and twisted by their prelisting friendship, it had never been anything like this. Untempered by friendship or history, this was actual in every way that his vision of Bella could never be. This was fierce in its physical incarnation and absolute in Jacob’s mind. It wasn’t corrupted by the lurking influence of a history.

Jacob needed Edward to understand. He’d never done something like this before, and chances were he would never do it again. And to had nothing to do with Bella. She was a memory, a ghost awakened more than any spirit ought to be by the never ending memories of those who loved her. It was high time she was allowed to rest. She was gone.

"Bella is a part of our history, sure, but not...Edward, what I feel for you is completely different." Jacob’s voice faltered.

Edward's eyes flicked, blazing, up to meet Jacob. Jacob could see his own angry desperation echoed in them.

"Bella is the only reason you came back and saved me in the first place. She will always be the reason that you're here."

Jacob was stunned. He _had_ come back here for Bella's sake, but she was nothing but a memory now. He'd tried so hard to find a way to move on.

"It started that way. Sure. I came because I knew that Bella would rather die a hundred times over than see you suffer."

Edward remained silent, and his eyes had fallen from Jacob's face.

"But I didn't stay for her. I didn't come back for her. Jeez, Edward. Last night, I didn't come here because of her."

Edward still refused to meet his gaze, but Jacob could see his eyes slowly inching closer.

“In all the chaos, in everything that was going on, I came to you. I wasn’t looking for her. I wasn’t hoping that, in some twisted way, by being with you I would be with her. I wanted you. You. As you are. Edward Cullen. The fairy-tale villain that my father always told me about. And I don’t know why. But I do know that it’s the only thing that’s felt real to me in a very long time.”

Edward finally looked up at him again. Jacob could see the worry still lurking in the amber depths, but it was slowly disappearing.

Jacob inched closer to Edward, crowding him against the door. He stopped when he was inches from Edward’s face. He wanted, more than anything, to reassure Edward. Jacob knew that Edward didn’t feel the way that he did, about whatever was going on between them. Whatever it was to Edward, they didn’t want the same things, beyond what was happening in the here and now. That much was clear.

"I want this to be important, but I know that it can't. I know that I can never make this something that matters, to you. But it matters to me. And it is about you, Edward."

Edward leaned forward and kissed Jacob with a wild and reckless abandon. The intensity of it left Jacob breathless, and when the kiss was broken he could barely gather his wits.

Jacob had never been one for making speeches, but it seemed that this one had worked.

They were standing so close that their foreheads were still pressed together. Jacob could feel Edward smiling against his lips.

"You're wrong, you know."

Jacob smiled back, against the words Edward was uttering quietly.

"Oh?"

Edward looked up at Jacob, golden light dancing in his eyes.

"This is important, and it does matter to me.”


	20. Chapter 20

“Oh come on!” Sam enthused, as Pond shot him in the face. His avatar fell to the ground and, after a series of clicks and transitions through different screens, re-spawned somewhere else.

Pond’s shouts of self-congratulation faded into concentrated silence.

Jacob sighed. The game system that he had let the boys install in his house was turning out to be more of a nuisance than it was a blessing. Sure, it may have done more to bring the group together after their catastrophe than anything else had managed, but Jacob was starting to understand the severe dangers of video game addictions. He’d only played it a few times himself, quickly growing bored of going up against kids who had way more experience than he did.

He was the only one in the pack to have ever been in a true fight, so he could attest to the accuracy of the graphics. Where the boys happily congratulated then selves and each other with each kill, Jacob could only remember the smell and sight of blood staining white snow.

He shook the memory out of his head and went back to trying to coax the boys off the idiot box machine thing.

“Just let us finish this game.” Pond said, not looking away from the screen as he addressed Jacob’s protests.

The other boys added their agreement. Jacob knew better though. He’d played some video games when he was younger, granted a very long time ago, and he knew that ‘just one game; stretched into the rest of the afternoon.

All of the pack was crammed into his living room, staring at the small screen, upon which the chosen representatives of Sam and Pond battled it out along with an overabundance of computer controlled characters. Even Molly was there, squished between Harley and Jack, looking thoroughly enthralled in the game. Jacob was loathed to admit that even though she had barely as much experience as himself, she’d managed to beat him three games in a row one time.

The atmosphere had improved exponentially in the last few weeks. Jacob was spending more time with the group as a whole, which had been almost insufferable during those first few months. It was still a little uncomfortable, but it was so much better than it had been.

Jacob could help but attribute just a tiny bit of it to his own improved temperament. His attitude was improved now that he was no longer existing in a self-perpetuating sea of anger, fear and confusion. It wasn’t just that things had clicked into place between him and Edward. Things had been clicking into place all throughout his life. Problems seemed to be smaller, obstacles less daunting. Sam Senior was still at his back to get rid of the vampire menace, but it was easier to deal with.

“No. turn it off now or I will turn it off for you.”

“You can’t just turn it off, you’ll break it.”

“You turn it off then. Now, please.”

The please wasn’t truly necessary. Jacob had slipped into Alpha mode, and Pond had no hope of denying him his request anymore. With a sigh, Sam placed the controller down on the coffee table while Pond reluctantly went through the overly complicated log off sequence.

When the screen blinked into darkness, the boys and Molly rose and turned to face Jacob.

“Everyone, outside now.”

The trudged out the door. Jack was dragging Molly behind him, but dropped her hand when Jacob signalled. Molly stayed indoors, and Jacob told her that she didn’t have to stay. This was supposed to be their training time, but a fair amount of their session had been taken up by playing soldiers on a virtual battlefield.

Molly smiled at him, and Jacob could see that she was glad to have a reason to escape the testosterone fest. He remembered when Emily had been the only girl, of the pack, and how even though the boys had all treated her like a saint, she’d been relieved to have Bella around.

Molly must have felt the same way, even though she was patient enough to spend time with the rest of the pack if it meant being around Jack. Even after all that had gone on, and Molly’s guilt over her unwilling part in it, it was clear that she truly loved Jack. Jacob was happy for the both of them, glad that things seemed to be working out and getting better.

Jack protested a little at Molly’s leaving, but Jacob silenced him with a look.

“We should start by running perimeter,” Jacob began, but Pond raised his hand. Jacob almost laughed at the gesture, a throwback from his own time at the school on the reservation.

“You don’t have to raise your hand Pond.”

Pond just shrugged.

“What is it then?”

“All that we do is train and run perimeter.”

Jacob grimaced, feeling the accusation running under the boy’s words. The boys were all clearly irritated, and while Jacob suspected that kicking them off the game console might have had a hand in that, he hoped that a few minutes in the outdoors would return them to their slightly more cordial selves.

“What do you expect us to do Pond?”

“Well…It’s just…none of us have ever even seen a vampire.”

“And?”

“Isn’t that why we’re here?”

“We’re here to protect the reservation and the surrounding areas--”

“From vampires.” Harley cut in. Jacob sighed. He’d known that the thoughts of the pack were all headed towards this very strain, but he’d been hoping for a little more time to figure out what to say to them. If he was being serious, though, he knew that no amount of time would make this any easier.

“We’re only supposed to start changing if there is a threat to the community,” Harley continued. “But we’ve been shifted for over six months, and nothing’s happened. There has been no vampire activity on the reservation, and nothing substantial out of it. Either there is no threat and we can stop shifting, or there is a threat that we just can’t see.”

Jacob remained silent. It was clear to him, and to everyone else, that this was not something that Harley had just come up with. Their resident genius had been turning over their peculiar circumstances for quite some time now, while the rest of the boys were still waiting for their promised threat to show itself. It seemed that Harley was the only who had considered that there may, in fact, be no threat.

Jacob didn’t know where to begin, or how much he should tell the boys. He trusted them, but he didn’t know how they would react to the way that things were. He wasn’t worried about telling them about the new relationship that he had formed with Edward, they would take that as they would, but they would have no impact or influence upon it. Still, the thought of telling them about it did spark a twinge of unease in him.

It was the utter pointlessness that faced the boys that Jacob worried about. Jacob remembered the disorientating realisation of his own, the sudden shock of understanding his own redundancy. Like the whole world had been ripped out from under his feet, with the tattered remains of cut safety strings tangling themselves around him. When he realised that everything he had given up had been in vain, realised that he had wasted important and irretrievable time, it had been not only disappointing, but difficult to deal with.

The group may not have given up quite as much as Jacob did, they definitely hadn’t been wolves for as long as he, but to say that their entire worlds hadn’t been thrown out of whack by the shift would be a delusion. They’d all had to make sacrifices, not to mention the emotional and physical toll that wolfing out had on them.

When he had finally stopped his blind pursuit of justice, or revenge, or whatever it was that he had been seeking, Jacob had had, at the very least, the recollection of what he had achieved as a wolf. He’d fought the foundling vampires that were threatening the Cullens, and all of forks along with them, almost losing his life in the process.

The boys of his new pack would have nothing like that to remember. No achievements that would make the sacrifice seem just a little easier. Everything that they had done, all of the work, had been for nothing. They had never fought, and they probably never would.

Jacob looked at the boys in front of him, wishing he knew what to tell them.

A question rushed into his mind, and for the first time he realised exactly what it was that he was doing with Edward. Jacob was feeling, for the first time in a very long time, but would that be enough.

Edward would have to leave. It was impossible for the vampire to stay, Edward himself wouldn’t want to once he knew exactly what he was doing to these boys. So the vampire would leave, go back to his family or travel to some other secluded house to wait out eternity.

The question was whether Jacob would want to go with him. Could Jacob stay, once Edward was gone and his pack disbanded? Sure sometimes the boys felt like more responsibility than Jacob was used to, but wasn’t that a big, important part of being a family? After all, that’s what they’d become. A family with their fair share of troubles and scandal, but a family none the less.

They’d all go back to their quiet human lives and live happily ever after.

Jacob wasn’t sure that he could go back to being normal. He’d spent so long being something else that now normalcy seemed too far beyond his grasp. And what he was doing with Edward didn’t seem like it was about to help him out in that respect.

Not completely animal, not entirely human. There was nowhere he truly fit anymore.

So he could go with Edward, when he left. Whatever it was that was going on between them, Jacob hadn’t quite had the presence of mind to give it a proper thought, let alone a label, Jacob thought that it might just be real enough to survive.

So he could maybe go with Edward, to wherever Edward wanted to go. He had nowhere else to go. He would follow Edward to the ends of the earth, if the vampire would let him.

But Jacob knew what he would be giving up. The reservation and the community had been his home since he was born into it on a cold morning that had never quite achieved indelibility in the memory banks. He’d attended the school, first as himself and then as his own son. His father had lived and died here, and his forefathers before that. The history of this place was etched into his bones.

Jacob had done some travelling, sure. Seen amazing things, looked into thousands of faces, but he’d always been drawn back to the mountains and woods of his ancestry. He didn’t know if he could give all that up, for a being intended by nature to be his mortal enemy.

But it truly surprised him that he wanted to. Everything here was history, whether his own or his family’s. It was memories, both made and inherited, that made this place home.

Jacob had never thought of trying to find a way out, at least not in decades, unlike other people from small towns all over. He’d never jumped at the chance to get away from Forks, or La Push, and all the small-minded people in it. He’d probably been one of the small-minded people at one point.

But when he looked at Edward, with the eyes of a lover, he was possibility. He saw a future that wasn’t connected with the events of the past. It wasn’t the cold mountains and the empty soaring skies that drew him toward Edward. It was the endless possibilities of a future. Jacob had never been looking for a way out, but he’d found a reason to.

The boys were growing impatient in front of him, unaware of Jacob’s epiphanous reverie. They were growing uncomfortable with their leader’s ability to hold information from them. It had never happened before, and as far as most of them were concerned, it wasn’t really an improvement.

Of all the boys, Harley was the closest to knowing the secrets that Jacob was hiding. He’d spent a lot of time with his Grandfather, a closet vampire enthusiast. Harley had been a little critical of his father’s kind words about the bloodsuckers. After all, it went against the ingrained sense of the creatures that Harley had been given, through the telling and retelling of their cultural stories. The stories that his grandfather had told him were quiet in his memory, hushed whispers in the late evening, when the rest of the family was in bed. Most of the community didn’t know the truth about their wolf protectors, didn’t even know of their existence. The young children would be told stories, but they would believe in them only as that, stories of times gone by, exaggerated by the artistry of a thousand tongues.

Seth had sat Harley down with him and told him new stories. His grandfather’s stories may not have been quite as fantastical as those told in booming voices around a blazing bonfire, but perhaps for that very reason they presented themselves to a young Harley, even in the all-believing glamour of childhood, as having more truth.

It had been these stories, of near human creatures with compassionate and loving hearts, which had convinced Harley of the existence of creatures that others would dismiss as myths.

Harley knew about the Cullens and the role that they had played in the lives of the last generation. He knew about the disastrous role that they had played in Jacob’s life.

But he was perceptive enough to notice that a change had come upon Jacob recently, and to guess that the reason for it was fast being approached by Pond and his heckling.

“…If we can’t find any vampires around here,” Pond said, continuing his assault on all of their ears. “Then maybe we should go and find some elsewhere. We’re here for a reason, maybe we should, you know, get on with it? And anyway-”

“Be quiet Pond.” Jacob groaned, low and ominous. The boy’s words slowly trickled into silence, as all the youths looked up at their leader. The look of shock was present on almost every face. Jacob had been angry with them before, for stupid stuff, but the low words, carried on a heavy breath sounded more like a threat than anything that any of them had ever heard.

“I know that you all want to do something. I know that you feel trapped, useless here, while you’re entire body is telling you that you need to be doing _something_. Your body is coded to hunt, and to kill that which threatens our society. Believe me, I know how you are feeling. But I can’t help you. There are no threats within the range of our territory.”

“But what about the rest-” Pond began to exclaim, but fell quiet under Jacob’s glare.

Jacob didn’t want to scare the boys. He hadn’t meant to react so dramatically, but he was fed up with the horrible situation that they had all fallen into.

“I’m sorry for freaking you guys out, but I just wish that there was something we could do. The last nomadic vampires that passed close enough were taken out decades ago. There hasn’t been a vampire threat since I was your age.”

The boys nodded, but not a single person looked truly satisfied. Jacob needed to find something to lighten the mood a little, and to keep his mind off the broken promises that were still lying scattered around his mind, He’d needed to find a way to get Edward away from Forks, but for selfish reasons the vampire was still holed up in the house, tucked away between the trees and out of sight. Jacob could have made it just a little easier for the boys but for his own sake and on an irrational gamble he’d forced them to endure much more than they had to.

He owed them the rest of their lives.


	21. Chapter 21

Specks of dust meandered lazily in the heavy air. They whirled with dizzying unpredictability around the uneven fabrics of the carpet. Jacob watched them, still half asleep. They moved so slowly, in and out of focus, winding through the beams of light streaming onto the floor. The carpet was soft, comfortable and warm. Jacob felt that he could lie, with his face half pressed into the fabric, for hours. But something was wrong. He knew that something was wrong, but didn’t know quite what it could be. Concern rising lazily, Jacob stopped watching the tiny particles of dust and focused on other details of the room.

Like it wasn’t his room.

Like this was Edward’s room.

Like, for some unknown reason, he was lying almost face down in Edward carpet.

Jacob remembered deciding to stay over last night. Things had changed between him and Edward, and Jacob found himself staying over just as many nights as he braved the cold ride home. So far they’d pushed each other against various items of furniture, but they hadn’t progressed any further. It was just convenient to have a place to stay, since he hardly had the funds to be running back and forth across the country side every day. Besides, Edward didn’t have any need of the bed. The undead need no beauty sleep.

Sometimes Jacob went to bed alone, sometimes Edward would lie with him. Jacob couldn’t remember which last night had been. But he knew that Edward was in the bed above him now.

So the only part that was concerning him was his own proximity to the ground.

Jacob sat up, riding out the rush of blood to the head that caused black stops to erupt before his eyes. As soon as his vision had cleared, he looked at Edward. He was reclining idly amongst the blankets and pillows, eyes closed as if he had slept. Jacob would never get used to the sight of Edward in bed in the morning. He was beautiful, hair even more messed up than usual and eyes positively gleaming when he opened them.

“Why am I on the floor?”

Edward went through an elaborate rouse of waking, as if he had truly been asleep. Edward opened his eyes just in time to catch Jacob rolling his own.

“Because you steal the blankets.”

Jacob proceeded to get up onto the bed and steal most of the blankets Edward had been using. They were cold against his skin, but Jacob hardly noticed as he snuggled into them.

“It’s not like you’re using them.” Edward ignored him, and tied to pull some of the blankets back.

“And you snore.”

Jacob snorted. Edward’s tone was just the right mix of self-righteous and offended. Ever the hero, to have put up with the imaginary noises of Jacob’s sleeping patterns.

“Do not.”

“You most definitely do.”

“Well at least I can eat solids, old man. And I don’t sparkle.”

Jacob watched Edward’s eyes go wide. He felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up. Oh no.

“Well at least I’m not ticklish.”

Jacob’s stomach dropped and he was suddenly seized by an intense fear.

“No, please no.”

Jacob only had a moment’s warning before Edward sprung off the bed and lunged at him. Jacob tried to twist out of the way, but his legs caught in the sheets and the mass of blankets wrapped around his lower body. Edward’s long fingers were at his sides, twisting lightly between his ribs and making Jacob squirm.

Jacob jerked from side to side, trying to use his arms to protect his ticklish spots, but Edward was relentless. He was soon out of breath with laughing and begging. With a determined twist, Jacob managed to trap Edwards’s hands and bring him tumbling down to join him in the mass of limbs and linen. They were both laughing, Edward giving up on tickling, his hands instead moving around Jacob’s sides to pull the man close. Slowly, still laughing, their activity stilled, and Edward calmed Jacob’s fast beating heart with a slow kiss, capturing the smile on his lips.

Edward’s lips felt soft, and safe, and Jacob couldn’t help but think that every morning would remind him of kisses like his. They lay together on the bed, slowly but determinedly exploring each other’s mouths. Edward was an amazingly good kisser. It wasn’t rushed, far from it, it was slow and delicate and Jacob thought that he could just sink into the moment and stay there forever. He couldn’t remember ever having needed anything else.

With a final kiss, Edward pulled himself out of the mess of tangles sheets and sat cross-legged on the end of the bed. Jacob languidly rearranged himself so he was lying with his head on the pillows, blankets casually cast aside. He cooled down slowly in the still morning air.

“What happened between you and Seth?” Edward asked casually, picking at the sheet in his fingers.

Jacob barely noticed the words at first, though they registered. He was too busy falling back into a half sleep.

“Hmmm?”

“I don’t hear you talking about him anymore. You used to be as thick as thieves.”

Jacob opened his eyes and shifted slightly so that he was almost upright. Edward looked genuinely curious, peering at him with a head full of bed hair and looking as though he had been thoroughly kissed.

“What does that even mean?”

“Does it matter?”

“Not really.” Jacob thought for a second before answering. Everything from those years was a bit of a blur, lost to the consuming rage and red desperation. “We…ah…just grew apart. I isolated myself from them before he even stopped shifting, he was one of the last to continue changing. I think he was just waiting for me to come back. But he moved on, they all did. Now the only one that visits me is Sam, and he only does it because he has to.”

Jacob tried to keep the regret out of his voice. He wished he had never gone so far off the rail, now he knew how lonely he had been for all those years. He looked up at Edward, who was looking at him sadly. They didn’t talk about their past, about what had happened when Edward had left Forks. Jacob didn’t want to see the guilt in Edward’s eyes.

Edward tried to lighten the mood.

“Ah, Sam Senior. He must be-”

“Old, yeah.”

They both laughed. Jacob fell back on the pillows again, smiling. Edward moved so that he was lying next to Jacob, arms stretched behind his head. Jacob would never stop being surprised and warmed by how quickly they’d become comfortable with each other.

 

*

 

“No man, I’m not going hunting with you.”

They were standing together in the Cullen kitchen. Jacob was scoffing down a bowl of cereal.

_The request had caught him off guard. It’s not like he’d never seen Edward in action, they’d been in battle together, when Jacob had somehow managed to get every bone in his body broken. But he’d never watched the vampire hunt. That didn’t mean that he wanted to, either. It was one thing to know that your boyfriend could take down a mountain lion, it was quite another to see it._

Edward heard these thoughts coming from Jacob’s mind. He smiled a little at the boyfriend part, but realised that Jacob probably didn’t know that Edward could hear him. Jacob would sometimes let thoughts escape, when he wasn’t focusing, or when he was tired. Especially when he was dreaming. Edward would get flashed of what Jacob was seeing in his sleep.

“It’s not like you haven’t seen way worse, where I’m concerned.” Edward said, with only the slightest hint of a whine in his voice.

“Yeah, but I don’t want to see you killing poor innocent creatures if I don’t absolutely have to.”

Edward had come to the completely irrefutable realisation that he had completely lost his mind. The first symptom was probably the strangely agreeable emotions that kept him running on a high whenever Jacob was around. Or not around. Pretty much just whenever he thought about Jacob.

But the second and perhaps the most definitive was asking Jacob to go hunting with him.

Edward had to eat. It was a situation that most people would invariably become familiar with. He had to kill animals. Okay, fine, so did most humans. Just because he didn’t like it, didn’t mean that there was another viable option for him. Jacob did seem to understand. At least it wasn’t human, right?

But Edward hated hunting alone. When he was alone there was nothing to separate him from the thoughts and feeling of the things that he had to kill. It was so much harder to kill, even as a basic necessity, if he had to be inside their heads.

Emmett usually came with him. He was Edward’s favourite hunting buddy. And vice versa. Being with someone else made it easier to ignore the terror and suffering that filled his mind as he hunted. Not his own, but still strong.

Edward was dubious about inviting Jacob to tag along, but he was just sick and tired of seeing himself as a monster.

Now he just had to convince Jacob that it was a good idea.

“It’s dangerous out there. I could get into all sorts of trouble.”

“I’m not your keeper, you can get into all the trouble you want.” Jacob shot back, continuing to eat his cereal.

Edward pouted.

“But hunting alone is so boring.”

“Well, the quicker you get going the sooner you can come back.”

Edward groaned. He’d tried begging, tried appealing to Jacob’s protective instincts. He may as well try mocking.

“You and your childish sensibilities. Afraid you might see me hurt some little bunny rabbit? You’re such a baby.”

“Look who’s talking. You’re asking me to come along and hold your hand so that you won’t get bored.”

“I’m just…” Edward trailed off. One last ditch effort. Hopefully his acting skills weren’t that shabby.

“What?” Jacob put his bowl down on the table and focused on Edward.

“I’m still finding it hard to believe that you’ll be here when I get back.”

Jacob threw his arms up in exasperation. Edward cursed his own choice in men. He should have found one with more empathy.

“For crying out loud Edward, I’m not going anywhere! Just go already!”

“Fine!” Edward yelled back. It hardly mattered, Edward knew he was crazy to have asked in the first place, but it was so easy to argue with Jacob. It always had been.

Edward took a few steps towards the door.

“Wait.”

Smiling victoriously, Edward turned back. Jacob hesitated before he spoke.

“I’ll come with you one condition.”

Edward’s smile fell.

 

*

 

Edward ended up hunting alone.

He needed the time to think anyway.

There was nothing unreasonable about what Jacob had asked. It would have to happen sometime or another anyway. But Edward wished that it didn’t. It was just too much.

Edward knew that he had pretty much ruined Jacob’s life. It didn’t matter that he was doing what he could to help rebuild it. It didn’t matter that Jacob had forgiven him, saved him. He’d felt the pain that Jacob had had to go through every time changing had been against everything that nature was telling him. He knew what it was like for Jacob to have to drag the wolf back across the shards of broken glass, with only rage to keep him going. It was difficult to know that he had caused so much pain to the man that…well, now…

But that was just one truth that he had learned to face. No matter how important that life was to him now, it was only one life that he’d destroyed.

Jacob was asking him to come face to face with five more.

Edward caught the scent of a buck, followed the smell through the trees. He barely noticed where his feet were stepping. He’d managed to get the distraction he’d wanted, without Jacob’s presence.

He took down the struggling animal, managing to save his shirt from the aortal spray as he killed it. He took no pleasure in the slaughter.

Jacob needed him to meet the kids. In a way, it felt like being introduced to the family. He felt like he knew so much about them already, that meeting them way almost a welcomed thing.

Edward knew that Jacob probably felt that way too. These boys were the closest thing that he had to family anymore, and they were definitely his only friends.

But there was the other thing to. The part of Jacob that was thinking with his alpha wolf brain. Because the wolflings needed to meet Edward. They were vampire hunters without any prey. They needed to at least meet one vampire, to know the truth about why they’d changed.

Edward didn’t know why he was hesitating. Why he hadn’t told Jacob straight out that he would do it. There was no other option, Edward had done so much wrong, unintentionally maybe, to these boys, that this was the least he could do to make it a little better.

Edward walked slowly back to the house. He smelt like blood. It filled his nose and he was revolted by it. So much for not being seen as a monster. That was what Jacob was asking him to do. Go back to playing the monster in this fairy tale.


	22. Chapter 22

The pack emerged from one side of the clearing. It was early morning, and they didn’t know why they’d been asked to assemble. Pond was still yawning nosily into his hand, and stretching until his joints cracked. It seemed that, like all teenagers, they all had trouble getting up in the morning. Jacob was the only one awake and aware amongst them. He stalked the edge of the clearing, obviously on edge. None of the boys had picked up a scent in the meadow, but they did notice their leader’s strange behaviour.

A light breeze was blowing. It whispered through the trees behind them and into the clearing. Slowly, as each of the boys truly awakened, they began to notice the eerie silence. No birds were calling to each other from inside the dense forest, and there was no sound of animals. Sometimes it would be like this when they went out to patrol, their presence would scare away the smaller woodland creatures. But they’d been standing stationary for long enough now that sighs of life should have returned.  

The boys began to grow uneasy. Jacob could hear them throwing half formed theories back and forth. He mentally hushed them. They fell into silence, even keeping their thoughts in check. But he could tell that they were confused, and more than a little on edge.

Jacob watched the trees on the other side of the clearing. He hoped that he’d picked a good place for this to happen. Maybe picking a place so far away from civilisation had been a bad idea. Out here, he didn’t know how much he would be able to control the boys when their instincts took over.

A slight movement from amongst the bordering trees was lost to the inexperienced senses of the other wolves, but Jacob saw it.

His heart began beating faster. Now was the time. He just hoped he’d done enough to prepare the boys for it.

He turned back to them, words of explanation on the tip of his tongue. Just as he was about to speak them, the wind shifted around. Carried on the breeze was a scent that was somehow familiar to all of the wolves, passed down through some ancestral instinct. A shiver ran through the group in front of him, and Jacob began to panic as the situation fell completely out of his control.

Jack was the first to shift. He moved past Jacob, into the middle of the clearing, waiting for the others to follow. One by one they did.

They made an impressive sight, standing tall together, coats shining in the early morning sun. Jacob would have been proud, if he wasn’t panicking so much. He shifted and ran after them.

As Jacob took his place at the head of the group, he knew that Edward had retreated from the bordering trees, slinking back into the deeper cover of the forest. He tried to reach the minds of the other wolves, but not a single one of them was thinking rationally. Even Harley and Sam were lost in the instinctual urge caused by Edward’s presence.

They had been wolves for so long, without ever having met their adversary. The instinct had grown in them until it reached this overpowering level. Jacob cursed himself for letting it go on for so long, letting it reach this point. He couldn’t have known what the repression would have caused, but he’d always known that it wouldn’t be good.

The pack turned at a sound behind them. Using the movement of the wind, Edward had reappeared in the meadow behind them, while they couldn’t smell him.

Jacob watched as Edward stood, completely exposed, only meters from uncontrollable wolves. The vampire was trusting him to get his wards under control.

Jack growled and took a step forward. Pond growled and leap forward, waiting for the rest to catch up before continuing. Edward stood his ground.

He wouldn’t do anything to hurt them, Jacob realised. _Not while he knows how much they matter to me._

Jacob rushed forward to stand between his advancing pack and the vampire. He turned his back on Edward, facing down the werewolves.

A collective growl rose from the group. They continued to advance.

 _Stop._ Jacob commanded, taking a fraction of a step menacingly towards them.

While it wasn’t enough to completely break through the instinctual haze, it made the wolves pause. Jacob could see the confusion in the collective mind of the wolves, and knew that he had to use it to his advantage.

Focusing on the chink in the armour, Jacob released the memories and emotions that he’d been keeping from his pack, giving them _everything_ that he had every held back.

Bella.

His years searching for Edward, searching for revenge.

Finding him.

 _Truly_ finding him.

Everything. Every thought that Jacob had ever needed to keep hidden. Every truth that he hadn’t wanted to accept.

Right up to why he would give his life to protect Edward.

There was no reaction. There was no movement at all.

The wolves stood completely still, and Jacob could only hope that his confession would take.

Edward stood behind him, having seen everything that Jacob had sent to the pack. He didn’t move either, understanding the danger facing both of them. No alpha could have controlled his pack under such circumstances.

Slowly, one by one, the boys shifted back. In minutes, Jacob was face to face with five teenagers. Not the hulking wolves that he’d just faced down, but somehow just as terrifying.

No one spoke. Jacob watched the boys. Harley, Jack, Kallem, Pond and Sam. All of them knew the truth now. The whole truth.

They watched him back.

Pond was the first to speak up.

“Dude, too much information.” The young boy smiled cautiously at Jacob.

“But I think we get what you’re trying to say.” arley Harxhjsakvh

 

Harley continued.

Jack snorted. “Yeah, in technicolour.”

Each of the boys laughed and Jacob felt the tension drop. He felt laugher bubbling up in his own chest, but didn’t dare let it out. It would probably be hysterical giggles. He was in complete shock. This was not what he’d been expecting. After everything that had happened with Sam and Jack, after what Kallem had said to him, this was not how he’d expected the boys to react to the truth. Not with jokes and laughter.

Harley was watching him, had quietly noticed his confusion.

 _After everything that happened with us, with Jack and Sam, they kind of learned to be a little more accepting. We all share their emotions, after all_. _People find it hard_ not _to change under such circumstances._

Jacob heard Harley’s thoughts, and knew that somehow he was the only one. These boys were unlike any wolves in Quileute history.

Pond affectionately punched Sam in the arm, laughing.

“See, I told you.”

Sam smiled back at him, before turning to look curiously at Jacob.

Jacob just shrugged and smiled back.

The boys all laughed and mucked around until Jacob remembered Edward standing behind him. The vampire had been standing so still that he’d slipped out of Jacob’s mind.

“Okay, guys, I’m glad…to have your blessing, or something, but that’s not why I brought you here.”

The boys fell silent. Jacob turned back to beckon Edward forward. Edward was beside him in a heartbeat.

“You guys know everything now. You know about my history, and you know about Edward.”

The boys stood in awe. Jacob didn’t blame them. They were faced with a very real, very living, creature of legend. Being a creature of legend themselves had worn out it’s novelty a while ago.

Now that they were all together, Jacob didn’t know what to say. There was nothing that needed to be said, everything was already known by all, but the silence was making him uncomfortable. He was glad when Harley broke it.

“Hello Mr Cullen,” he began politely, addressing Edward. “My grandfather has told me a lot about you. My name is Harley. Seth is my grandfather.”

Edward smiled at him. “Hello Harley. Please, call me Edward. I don’t think there’s ever been a Mr Cullen. I knew your grandfather well, he was a friend of mine.”

“It’s good to finally meet you Edward. It’s about time Jacob brought a boy home.”

Jacob couldn’t help but blush at Harley’s way of mentioning him. Something about the way Harley said it made Jacob think that the boy had always known. Too smart for his own good, that one.

One by one the boys introduced themselves. It was a little awkward, but Jacob thought that it couldn’t have gone better.

The pack left soon. Though they’d gotten over their murderous instincts, the close proximity to a vampire was clearly taking its toll on them. They were still too young and inexperienced to be completely comfortable around Edward.

When they were gone, Edward and Jacob were left alone in the clearing. Jacob moved towards the man and pulled him close. He made sure that the younglings were out of hearing range, for their own sake and his. It had felt strange enough to share the information that he had after so many years of hiding it.

Edward wrapped his arms around Jacob’s torso and pulled him closer. Jacob sighed into Edward’s shoulder. Relief took over and made his limbs shake. All the worrying was finally over.

“That went well.” Jacob’s words were muffled in the fabric of Edward’s shirt.

When he received no answer, he pulled back a little to look at the shorter man. Edward didn’t meet his eyes, and Jacob was instantly worried that he’d done something wrong. Had Edward been uncomfortable with the pack knowing everything? Every kiss, every touch, it was theirs and it would belong only to the two of them. But wolves don’t really get that luxury. Perhaps Edward was upset that he’d had to share it all.

Jacob leaned down to meet Edward’s eyes. The unspoken question caused the vampire to sigh.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For everything. For them. They’re my fault.”

Jacob didn’t say anything, just left Edward continue speaking.

“If I hadn’t come here, they would never have had to…”

“Yeah, it’s all your fault, blah blah blah. When are you going to get over this thing Edward? I swear you collect guilt like some people collect buttons. You can let it rule you if you want. You carry around this black hole, and sometimes I think you like to fall into it.”

Edward looked up at him. He watched as Jacob stepped back, gold eyes holding no emotion.

“I don’t blame you. Sometimes it’s easier. All I can do is ask you not to do it. You don’t need to blame yourself for everything. You don’t need to hold on to it all.”

Jacob hadn’t mean to get so preachy. He wanted to help Edward, to show him that no one blamed him for what had happened to the boys. They’d get over it and on with their lives. It was only a matter of time.

Edward still didn’t speak. They were standing in the middle of a random clearing. Doing nothing. In silence.

Jacob had shared enough today. One more thing couldn’t hurt.

“I love you.”

Edward straightened up instantly, looking a little shocked. Then he smiled. He stepped forward, back into Jacob’s arms.

Jacob kissed Edward lips. The vampire smelled so good it should be illegal. He could hardly remember ever having been disgusted by it.

Edward’s cold lips felt like a shot of ice through his mind, the intensity of it causing him to sigh into the shorter man’s mouth. Edward pulled Jacob’s lower lip between his teeth and nipped lightly. Jacob kissed him back fiercely.

As Jacob surfaced to take deep shuddering breaths, Edward moved back just far enough to look into his eyes.

“I know.”

 

*

 

Jacob entered the room to a round of applause. The smart ass kids clapped and wolf whistled, while he waved his hands in the air to try and quiet them. He smiled, though, still riding high on the relief about the way things had turned out.

Yesterday could be described a nothing but a success. He’d spent so much time worrying about it, now he could relax. There would always be something else to worry about, but clearing even one item off that list was a cause for celebration.

Jacob addressed the group, when they had all finally fallen quiet.

“So, now you guys know everything. As long as you guys are anywhere near Edward, you’ll continue to shift. So I guess we’ll hang around a little longer, and then-”

Kallem interrupted him with a disapproving noise.

“You’re going with him?”

Jacob nodded. “I guess so.”

“What are we going to do?”

“Cycle out I guess. It’s time to tag team back into normality.”

Pond yelled out it disappointment. A few of the other boys nodded their agreement with his wordless complaint.

Jack gave words to their dissatisfaction. “Back to normality? Seriously? We get given amazing super powers for a year and we don’t get to do anything at all with them? And you want to just push us back into our lives?”

Jacob looked at Jack, surprised.

“You guys don’t want to go back?”

“Of course not,” Sam piped in. “We’re still learning about ourselves. Besides, we can’t _go back_ to our old lives. We’ve got to wait at least a couple of years to go back through the school system. What would we do? We’re better here, with you. And if that means Edward has to stay, that’s fine with us.”

Jacob felt completely turned around. There were certainly points the boys were making that he had never considered, and he’d never expected the determination that they were showing, not to return to normal, but to stay as a pack.

“Okay then. If you guys are serious,” Jacob looked around at them all once more, just confirming that they all truly felt the same. “Then I’ll stay.”

The youths started clapping and yelling again. Only Harley didn’t join in. When the exuberance calmed down, Harley stepped forward. He looked a little concerned.

“Are you going to tell the La Push council what you told us?”

Jacob considered. He supposed that the council should be the next group to know. They were the one pushing to get rid of Edward, after all. But Jacob had the sinking suspicion that knowing what was going on between the vampire and their alpha would not change Sam’s mind about the issue. The council had no right to know that much ab out his personal life. After all, he hadn’t imprinted, so this wasn’t a wolf thing. He didn’t have much to do with them anyway. Jacob made up his mind.

“No, I don’t think that this is something that they need to know. I can’t show them like I showed you. They probably wouldn’t understand.”

“I’m sure they’d be grateful for that,” commented Pond. Jacob cuffed him playfully around the head.

Harley was still looking thoughtful.

“Do you want us to keep it a secret for you?”

“I think it’s probably for the best if you keep it quiet.” Harley nodded, and moved back to sit down. The rest of the boys joined him, still playing boisterously.

Jacob promptly forgot about having to call his relationship a secret and, smiling, braved the fray.

 


	23. Chapter 23

Jacob tried to scrub the grease off the barbeque, after it had been given its greatest task in decades. Cooking for five hungry boys, who each ate enough for three, was no easy feat, and the small hot plate was hardly enough to accommodate their needs. Jacob had insisted on them eating at his place though, and they had all enjoyed the burgers. Molly had tagged along, attached to Jack at the hip, and they’d had quite the family affair.

Now that there were no more secrets between them, Jacob stopped thinking of the pack as a burden. He hadn’t realised that he did view them that way until they proved him wrong.

They were all siting around outside, cups in varying degrees of fullness clasped in their hands and conversation flowing easily. There was laughter and storytelling, and the wolves treated each other with an easy and steady camaraderie. They were brothers, now, in every important sense of the word.

Jacob was keeping up with the conversation, still trying to clean the cooking instrument, only adding to it when his own actions threatened to be blown massively out of proportion. Pond tended to exaggerate horribly, as long as his audience was still laughing.

He wished that Edward could be with them. They didn’t spend all of their time together, wouldn’t want to, but Edward was unable to enter the reservation at all in accordance with an agreement made long, long ago.

Still, spending quality time with his boys was a good way to spend an afternoon in his books. Jacob couldn’t help but be grateful for these people who had wandered into his life and decided to stay there.

Jacob was focused on a particularly persistent spot of black something or other, when Harley approached him. Jacob could never help but be a little worried whenever this happened. While he had quite a few intellectuals on his side, it was Harley who saw the most, and he always had a very serious manner when he had bad or troubling news. The boy seemed to take most of the responsibility of the group, putting what he saw around him to good use, but also staying engaged when the others would phase out.

That serious air was with him now, and he seemed to approach cautiously. Jacob knew better than to expect a light hearted conversation topic. What was that about there always being something else to worry about?

“Hey Harley. What’s up?”

“Jake. I knew that you said that it would be best if it remained quiet, but I should probably tell you that the council knows about you and Edward.”

Jacob felt his heart skip a beat. After only a second of panic, he managed to remind himself that this was nothing to worry about. It had been silly to think that he could keep it from them in the first place.

“How?”

“Jack told Molly about it, she’s very happy for you, but the way,” Harley digressed. “But he didn’t tell her about the secrecy thing. Somehow, from there, Sam’s grandfather found out.”

“Okay. That’s fine.” Jacob sighed, giving up on the greasy hotplate as his mobile began ringing.

“You’re really okay with this? You’re not angry with Jack or Molly?”

“Of course not. I probably should have told Sam myself.”

Harley looked relieved. Jacob was proud to see that he’d been worried about his family too. He fished his buzzing phone out of his pocket with some difficulty. The greater party heard the phone and stopped their talking to see what was going on.

“You have a phone, Jake? This is the first I’ve heard of it. I don’t think I have your number.” Pond spoke up, managing to sound offended.

“We don’t really need each other’s numbers, Pond. Besides, my phone is for friends only.” Jacob shot back, to laughter from the others.

“So just Edward then. Tell me, is that Eddie now?” Pond fake mocked.

Jacob didn’t answer the younger man, just peered at the caller ID and, shooting Pond a warning look, answered it.

“Hey Edward.”

He ignored the jokes at his expense going on behind him, listening instead to the voice filtering through the phone. His worry grew as Edward told him some of what had happened and requested his immediate presence.

Hitting the little red button, Jacob moved towards the back door to the house, grabbing his keys from just inside and shrugging on a jacket.

Throwing a parting word to the group, ignoring their confused and disapproving farewells, he got in his car and sped away.

 

*

 

Edward was waiting in the open door way, arms crossed tightly across his chest. Jacob ran up and followed him inside. They sat down on opposite sides of the room, Jacob waiting impatiently for more information. What Edward had said on the phone had been nowhere near enough, and Jacob still barely understood what had happened.

“What did he say?”

Edward paused before he answered. He seemed to be unwilling to speak, or unsure of where to start.

“He was only here for a few minutes.”

Jacob waited with baited breath for more. He had known that the council wouldn’t look kindly towards their relationship, but he didn’t understand what had been so important that it warranted a personal visit from the older Sam to the Cullen household.

“He wants me to leave. He asked me to leave before…”

“Before what, Edward?”

“Before I do any more damage.”

There was something in Edward’s voice that told Jacob there was more to all of this.

“Tell me everything. What he said, and what he was thinking.”

Without further hesitation, Edward told him.

 

*

 

Edward was getting used to being completely alone in his house. Even the ghosts didn’t stick around anymore. It was nice, quiet and calming, so strange after so long being haunted.

He was sitting at the piano in the living room, the keys still untouched but lines paper before him, brimming with the new notes and phrases that he didn’t want to let escape.

The doorbell rang. Edward had been expecting it, he’d heard the car pulling up the drive way and the footsteps on the path. He knew it wasn’t Jacob. In fact, he had a pretty good idea of who it was. And if the thoughts coming his way were any indication, he knew why he was here.

But the bell had been rung, and he supposed it would be remiss of him not to remain on speaking terms with the leader of the Quileutes. So he did the only polite thing, he answered the door.

Jacob had been right, Sam was old. Though time had done well for the man.

“Hello Sam. It has been a while.”

Sam grunted and shot forward a quick greeting. Edward led him into the house.

“I’ve never really been one for chit chat, so if you don’t mind, just say what you came here to say.”

“You know why I’m here then.”

Edward nodded, smile showing just a little too much teeth. He was having a hard time keeping the smile on his face while listening to the thoughts flitting through his visitor’s mind.

“We don’t want you here Edward. It’s time you went back to your own people.”

“Who doesn’t want me here, Sam? As far as I know, the boys are fine with it, and I’m pretty sure Jacob doesn’t want me to leave.”

“I don’t know what you’ve done to him. But it has to stop. You’re…its wrong. Surely you can see that. You and he, you can’t be together. You have to leave, before you make things worse. For everyone.”

Edward could feel his stomach turning over, felt like purging his mind of the words and thoughts of this man. Sam wouldn’t stop talking.

“This is unnatural, it’s wrong. We don’t need the pack to be exposed to such-”

“Get out.” Edward spat out. He didn’t need to hear anymore. Sam looked taken aback, as if he had forgotten that Edward was even there. Edward flitted back to the door, holding it open. He stood defiantly straight, not caring that Sam flinched at his sudden reappearance. Sam moved slowly towards the door and out into the open air, casting what he probably thought was a warning glance at Edward. As if he would be threatened by such a close-minded man.

Edward’s first thought had been to warn Jacob. If Sam was going to go there next, Jacob needed to know what he was about to be facing. Edward was in his room upstairs in seconds, throwing random objects aside until he found his mobile.

Only after the call had been made did he begin to calm down. He was angry, about what Sam had said, but more about what Sam had been thinking. It had been completely unexpected until it happened, nothing he had learned or experienced from Jacob could have prepared him.

 

*

 

Jacob was up and pacing the room. Edward had barely told him anything yet, but he couldn’t help freaking out. Sam had no right to come here and accuse Edward of anything, or to try and evict him from his own home.

“I’m sorry Edward. This is my fault. I’m-”

“Don’t make me repeat what you said to me yesterday. Because I remember it word for word.”

Jacob spared a smile, but didn’t stop walking back and forth.

“That’s not all of it.”

Jacob paused his steps for a second, but then kept walking.

“Of course it’s not. Well?”

“He was talking about the whole vampire werewolf thing. Which, you have to admit, is pretty unconventional. But that’s not all he was _thinking_.”

Jacob stopped moving. He didn’t want to ask Edward what he meant, but the man continued anyway.

“It wasn’t about the whole mythological bit. Not completely. It’s not even about our history. It’s about you and me. Edward and Jacob. And it’s about us both being male.”

Jacob narrowed both of his eyes. Edward still didn’t stop speaking.

“He thinks that I…enchanted you into this or something. You’re under my spell.”

Jacob felt anger shattering across his body. This was so utterly nonsensical. That Sam would think even half of these things, after everything that they’d been through. After Jacob had actually listened to him and his advice. It was beyond belief.

Jacob swallowed down his anger, deciding resolutely on his course of action.

“I have to go and talk to him. This was not acceptable. I don’t care what he thinks.”

Jacob was already moving towards the door, picking up the jacket that he had cast aside on entering. Edward caught his arm to stop him by the door.

“He thought something else. I think he knew that I was listening.”

Jacob waited, impatient. Whatever it was, it wasn’t going to change his mind or destination.

“Sam is going to find some way to take matters into his own hands. He’ll find a way to get rid of me.”

 

*

 

Jacob didn’t go into town very often. There wasn’t much reason to, when he had everything that he needed and he was used to living in solitude. Now, though, he was seeking someone out, and his search took him into the heart of the La Push reservation. The day was dying down, it was late afternoon and the roads weren’t very busy.

Soon after he had stopped shifting, Sam had moved himself and Emily into town. He made sure that he was accessible when he took over for Jacob’s father as their Council Elder. He was accessible to Jacob now.

Jacob pulled the Rabbit up the driveway and got out of the car. It was a nice house, stout and well built, constructed out of red brick and white awnings. Jacob could hear two people inside the house. Emily must be home. Jacob didn’t want to intrude on her contentment, but he had to talk to Sam.

He reached the door and knocked.

Emily opened the door. She looked shocked to see Jacob standing on her doorstep, but her face broke into a huge smile. She pulled Jacob in for a hug.

Jacob tried to remember the last time he had seen Emily. Then he tried to reconcile that image with the little old lady he saw before him now. He almost wouldn’t have recognised her, if it hadn’t been for the scars. They still lined her face, barely visibly with age. She, like her husband, had aged well. Her grip on Jacob was strong, stronger than he had expected.

When she released him, he smiled warmly at her. He had missed her affection. Though now she felt like his grandmother.

“Jacob. It has been too long. Please, come inside. Sam’s in the television room.”

Jacob went into the house, moving in the direction Emily indicated. The house was comfortably decorated, clean but well lived in. Jacob found Sam where Emily had told him to look. The old man looked up when Jacob entered the room, turning back to the television. Jacob felt the sting that accompanied the lack of a greeting even more sharply in contrast with the one he had just experienced from Sam’s wife. He waited for Sam to say something, not trusting himself to start. Sam waited a minute or so, as if making completely sure that Jacob wasn’t just going to leave, and then directed the remote towards the small television and switching it off. The screen blinked into darkness as the set made a strange crackling sound.

Sam watched the remaining outlines slowly fade off the dark background, until there was no trace left. Then he turned to Jacob, picking up a paper from the coffee table next to him and opening it on his lap. He didn’t meet Jacob’s eyes.

“Jake. I didn’t expect you. I was going to pay you a visit tomorrow. Emily’s been asking me to bring her round. But I heard that the boys were around at your place, and I thought I should leave you be.”

The man’s tone was light and conversational. Jacob gritted his teeth, unable to answer. Slowly, he nodded.

“Ah well. I hope you all had a good afternoon then.”

“We did.”

Anger bubbled under his skin. The room was too hot, to close, and he was too old to lose control of himself. Sam smiled at him. Jacob didn’t know whether Sam knew why he was there or not, but it was difficult to believe that the man wasn’t picking up on the anger radiating off his skin.

“Clam down, son. Don’t do anything irrational.”

“I am trying very hard not to Sam.”

“Jacob, what are you doing here?”

“Well, you paid my boyfriend a visit, I thought I should return the favour.”

Sam flinched at the word. Boyfriend. An unnecessary confirmation of everything Edward had said. He finally looked up again, folding the paper and putting it back on the cluttered table. He sighed, removing the wiry glasses that had been perching on his nose, tucking them away.

“Jacob, please don’t speak like that in my house.”

Jacob stared at him, questioning the right he had to demand such a luxury after how he’d spent at least part of the day. Sam looked back at him and sighed again. Jacob felt his anger rising even more, but attempted to keep himself in check.

“Fine. But I would ask you to never, ever, speak to Edward again.”

Sam shrugged, a movement Jacob took for affirmation. He didn’t want Edward to be exposed to the thoughts he’d had to hear today.

Jacob had grown up knowing Sam. He’d gotten to know him even more as part of his pack. Sam had been a bit tough, but he had always been doing what was best for the group, best form the community they had been protecting. Jacob had never thought his capable of this. Then again, while he hadn’t been looking, Sam had grown old. Maybe other things changed too.

“Well, I guess it doesn’t matter. You’re here now, and we need to talk.” Jacob nodded. After his request, Sam could have absolutely no doubt as to why he had come.

“Did you know that vampire venom is lethal to werewolves? According to legend, a single drop is enough to kill. They are our natural enemy. Nature made us to stop them.”

“I know the old stories Sam. I’ve sat by your side and heard them a thousand times. But he’s not our enemy. You know that. The pact…The truce-”

“He’s a vampire, Jacob. Don’t you see what you are doing?”

Their voices were rising in anger, but Emily knew better than to come and check on them. Jacob was standing by the doorway, hardly having moved into the room, steps hampered by shock.

“Exactly. _He’s_ a vampire. I know exactly what he is, and I know that’s not the real issue here. You know, I always believed that you actually knew what you were doing. I thought you were a good leader, when it counted. But now I wonder how much of it was based on your personal bias. Do you know that our legends not only accept, but celebrate the existence of two-spirit werewolves?”

“Jake,” Sam continued, his voice amiable and warm. Almost like a father, Jacob thought, before Sam went on. “I know what it’s been like for you. You’ve been so alone, for so long. I can understand why you would be susceptible to…the advances of another…person. But it’s not right.”

“You don’t understand, Sam. I am not ‘susceptible’ to anything, and Edward didn’t make any ‘advances’ towards me. That’s not what’s going on here.”

“It has to be. You’re right I don’t understand. Because I know you Jacob. I’ve been in your head, and you’ve been in mine. This is not you. You’re not…” Sam strangled the word in his throat, apparently unwilling to say it.

“Not what? Not gay?” Jacob laughed, the sound harsh and humourless. “Edward was wrong.”

Jacob began pacing, unable to stand still any longer. Everything that he was feeling was threatening to come flowing out of his pores, be he knew that he couldn’t let it go, not here.

“You know he told me,” Jacob resumed, barely taking any notice of Sam. “When I first…when he first told me that he knew, he told me that you guys would probably already know. Because of the whole mind thing, or something else, I don’t know. But I guess I managed to keep it hidden pretty well.” Jacob’s hands gesticulated wildly, punctuating the anger behind his words.

“You’ve been tricked, Jacob, lead on. You don’t really feel what you think you feel. You can’t. Look, we want him gone. He’s not a good influence for the boys, and while you’re with him, neither are you.”

“Not a good influence? You don’t even know them. You obviously haven’t been paying attention again, or you might know a little something about the pack.”

Sam had risen from his seat, rage flashing behind his eyes. Clearly he didn’t believe a word of what Jacob was saying. He stepped forward, trying to intimidate Jacob, like he had as alpha. But Jacob Black was not born to whimper at the feet of an inferior man. Never had been. Standing tall, Jacob listened to Sam’s parting words with undisguised but controlled fury.

“If you don’t get rid of him, we will. We will find a way to stop this. We’ll find a way to bring you back, Jake. Whatever it takes.”

Sam stared for a few seconds into Jacob’s non-responsive eyes, then he turned his back and settled back into the room. The stupid action, turning his back on an angry wolf, did nothing but bait Jacob’s anger.

But he wanted no more to do with Sam, not while he continued to believe the ignorant crap he was spouting. Jacob turned tail and walked out of the house as calmly as he could.

 


	24. Chapter 24

It was growing dark by the time Jacob got back to Edward’s place. Parking the car in the garage, he went to the front door, opening it and letting himself inside.

The ride back from town had given him enough time to clear his head, the cool air doing wonders for his frayed insides and letting his anger cool back down to just glowing embers.

Edward wasn’t downstairs, but Jacob thought he heard him moving about somewhere above his head. His senses were still a bit too confused to be any more specific. Shrugging of his jacket, which he had only put on as a reflex, since even against the cool night air he didn’t really need it, Jacob moved into the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water. The liquid helped relax him even further.

For the last fifty years Jacob had been keeping his eye on the horizon, He had always been looking forward, hoping and planning for the day when he would finally be able to do what he had set his heart on doing, however ill-founded his plans had been. For the first time in his memory, Jacob had been able to just enjoy the moment, all of the moments that he was spending with Edward and his makeshift family. But just when he had taken his eye off the horizon, stopped always thinking about the future, new problems had arisen there, blocking his path.

He couldn’t forget the threat that Sam had made. Couldn’t forget the way the man had blindly pushed Jacob’s arguments aside.  Nothing he said would get through to him, and unfortunately Sam had to great a sway over the community to just ignore.

He didn’t know what Sam could do to stop Edward, but he had seen the determination the man still clung to. Ig there was a way, he would find it.

Things were threatening to come crumbling down around him again, and Jacob had no idea what to do.

He fell back into the couch, throwing his arms up behind his head and shutting his eyes. Why was nothing ever easy for him?

Edward entered the room, quietly moving to sit beside Jacob. The taller man didn’t open his eyes, just remained still, trying to fix a single moment of peace into the horror his day had turned into.

Edward shifted next to him, unwilling to disrupt him, but unable to settle back. They couldn’t relax, not really. Not with possible death threats on the table.

Sighing, Jacob sat back up and opened his eyes. Edward smiled cautiously at him. Something was up.

Jacob steeled himself. It’s not like things could get much worse.

“Edward, what’s up?”

“Do you want to move?”

 

*

 

Edward piled more and more into Jacob’s open arms, stripping the blankets and sheets off his bed and throwing them in a pile on the floor. It was no longer just the boring gold stuff he’d had on them before, but a colourful mess of patterned quilts.

“Why exactly are you…ah, we, doing?”

“We’re moving out.”

Jacob smiled at Edward’s frantic search through his room. The vampire was grabbing things with a seemingly random determination. CDs, books, even items of clothing. Stuffing half of it in Jacob’s waiting arms and trying to balance the rest of it.

“Yeah, I got that. But why are we moving out? I didn’t even know I had moved in.”

Edward paused for a second. He looked a little dismayed. Jacob smiled and moved forward to take the items out of the man’s hands.

“I mean, I do want to move in, I guess. A little more permanently. But _why_ are wemoving?”

Edward looked only slightly relieved to find out that he wasn’t moving too fast, but took the items back from Jacob and continued the flurry of motion.

“I just thought that we might like our own space.”

“I thought we had space. The whole house is empty.”

Edward froze. For a moment he didn’t move at all. When he did start moving the movements were slow and unhurried, like he was buying time.

“Whatever it is Edward, you can tell me.”

Edward looked up at him and gave him a small, apologetic half smile.

“The house isn’t going to be empty for much longer.”

 

*

 

“Don’t get me wrong, I’ve over joyed that the bloodsuckers-sorry, _your family_ are coming to visit, but _why_ are they coming? And where are we going?”

The two of them were moving through the night, following a path through the woods that Jacob couldn’t see, but Edward seemed to know. Their arms piled with knickknacks and blankets, Jacob stopped wondering why they were headed out into nowhere when the heavy scent of the woods hit his nose. It felt good, to be back out in his territory, after such a harrowing few hours. Jacob wouldn’t have minded sleeping out in the open, but Edward’s CDs probably wouldn’t survive a sudden downpour.

“I have a place. It was supposed to be a birthday present, for Bella. But she never got to use it, and it’s stood completely empty for years. I thought that we could move out there for a bit.”

As Edward spoke, they rounded a corps of dense trees and the cottage came into view. It was beautiful, quaint in a way that was endearing more than it was cute, and even in the dark it was picturesque. Ivy clung to the walls, creeping its way over and through the bricks.

Even knowing that the house was intended for Bella didn’t change the way Jacob felt when he saw it. It had never been hers. She had never stepped foot in it. But she would have loved it. As they approached the door, Edward retrieved a key from his pocket and unlocked it, letting it swing open. They stepped inside together.

There was barely anything inside, just basic furniture and necessities. There were a couple of chairs. A small but seemingly well contained kitchen. An empty bookcase. A fire place rested in the corner.

A blank slate.

Edward moved over to the bookcase and dropped the books and CDs, putting them in place without any particular order. He turned to look back at Jacob, who was standing by the entrance looking around him.

“There’s a bedroom down the hall. Just put that stuff down in there.”

Jacob followed his instruction and moved towards the bedroom. All of the doors in the corridor was closed, so he opened them as he went along.

The house was truly empty. Most of the rooms stood completely void, plastic covering the curtains. Dust hung heavy in the air.

“Why did you leave the main house furnished but you cleared this place out?” Jacob called back to Edward in the other room.

Edward’s voice echoed back to him. “There is no need for this house any more. It wasn’t going to be used again. All of the stuff that was supposed to go in here, we never got the chance to move it in. It’s been empty since long before Bella died.”

Jacob put everything down on the bed and went back out to join Edward. The man was checking through the kitchen facilities, pulling open empty draws and cupboards. Jacob sat down in one of the seats. Edward stopped searching, looked around for a second and then in one swift movement perched himself on the kitchen bench, facing into the room and towards Jacob.

"So...everyone's coming?"

"My whole family, yes."

"And that includes..."

"My daughter, yes."

Jacob hesitated for a minute. "What is she like?"

"You will probably like her. She's a lot like her mother. She looks so much like her. Renesmee. That's what Bella wanted to call her."

"Renesmee? Please tell me you don't call her Nessie?"

A guilty silence confirmed his suspicion. "But you will like her," Edward evaded. "She has this amazing, unique way of communicating, and people can't help but love her."

"But is she...?"

"She is immortal. We worried for a while, for a long time. She grew up too fast. You remember what the pregnancy was like. But she stopped aging about early twenties. She doesn't need to drink blood and she can eat human food. She is quite extraordinary."

Jacob hadn't thought much about the child, even during his blackest years. It had always been Edward he was focused on. He'd never seen the child, and though he had viewed it only as a monster, that time had passed. He was different.

Edward pushed himself off the bench.

“Do you mind opening up the windows in the rooms? It’s stuffy in here.”

Jacob smiled back at Edward and caught the small set of keys thrown his way. He started going through all of the rooms. Opening up the house with Edward felt better that Jacob would have ever believed. Jacob unlocked and unlatched each of the windows, letting the cool night air in. Moonlight filtered through gaps in the heavy curtains. It all felt strangely like coming home.

Jacob stopped when he got back to the bedroom, sitting down in the stripped bed. It was nothing but a mattress and a headboard, covered in a twisted heap of heavy material he'd dumped before, but it was comfortable. Edward entered and went to the cupboard, opening it to reveal a complete room. The room was empty, and Edward disappeared into it. Jacob went to stand in the doorway, realizing it was a huge walk in closet.

Edward was putting the few items of clothing he'd picked up in his room neatly away in a draw. Jacob suddenly wished he had something of his own to contribute.

"So, you never answered my first question. Why is your family coming back to Forks?"

Edward didn't look up from his task as he answered.

"When Sam left, my first thought was, of course, to call you." Edward didn't see Jacob's nod, but continued anyway. "My second thought was to call Carlisle and Renesmee."

"That sounds like a pretty normal reaction to have after a death threat. But I don't see how that would tip them off about it."

"Well, you remember how Alice can see things that are going to happen, but not where you wolves are concerned? Apparently my future's been a little blank lately. She didn't seem to mind, since she could see that my going back to them was still a possible future. Apparently that meant I was still safe."

"Yeah, I was wondering about Alice. So you mean she knows nothing about us?"

"None of them do. But when I thought about making the call, it became a possible future. Alice saw it, and when I didn't call, I guess it was a red flag. So they decided it was time to return. We don't usually return to a place so soon, but I was here, so here they are coming."

"At least we'll have a little back up. If things really do get serious with Sam."

Edward laughed. "That's one way to look at it."

"So you're going to have to tell them about all of this then."

"No, Jacob, _we're_ going to have tell them about all this."

"Fantastic." Edward ignored the sarcasm in Jacob's voice and continued folding. "How do you think they'll take it?"

"I have no idea."

"How long till they get here?"

"They'll be here tomorrow afternoon. Think we can stave off the wolves until then?"

"I think we'll make it." Edward straightened up and took a few steps toward Jacob in the doorway. Jacob moved to block his way, trapping him in the small room. "What should we do until then?"

Edward moved closer, reaching out his arm to rest it on the doorjamb beside Jacob. "You may have noticed me carrying some books in. I'm sure we can find some way to occupy ourselves."

"Is that so?" Jacob could feel Edward's cold breath against his lips as the vampire leaned closer still.

"Yeah, and there's a particular title I've been meaning to check out."

Jacob relaxed against the doorframe, trying to pull Edward with him, but the shorter man took advantage of the newly unobstructed exit and slipped through. Jacob followed him back into the bedroom.

"Wait, you're not actually going to read are you?"

"I wouldn't dream of it."

"I wasn't completely sure."

"Jacob, we have a limited number of hours left to ourselves before we are invaded by my family. We only have a short period of time when it is still only you and me. I suggest we make the most of it."

"Thank god."


	25. Chapter 25

Dappled sunlight through the treetop canopy and danced in the early morning air. Birds sang from their nests and branches. Edward watched the world around him shiver and shake off the last signs of night, embracing the light and life of day. It was peaceful, quiet and calming.

He stood, wearing only a pair of slacks, leaning against an outer wall of the house. Jacob was still inside, asleep on the makeshift bed of comforters. Every now and again, Edward would hear Jacob through the walls, muttering to himself in his sleep.

Edward had spent time in many different places. Huge cities, solitary mountain tops, small islands. But nothing had ever felt more like home than lying next to Jacob in this small cottage.

The wood against his back was wet with morning dew, and Edward could feel the moisture against his bare skin. It was the same beneath his uncovered feet. Moss and dirt clung to them, adhered to them with water in a way that only made sense early in the morning.

He didn’t know how long he sat there, only partially aware that time was running out. Time always seemed to be running out. Sometimes it wasn’t fast enough, sometimes, like now, it moved far too quickly.

Jacob was stirring in the house behind him, noisily pulling the blankets off and cursing softly as his feet hit the cold stone floor. Edward smiled as he heard a series of noises that could only be Jacob jumping around in an attempt to find something to clothe himself.

When the window next to Edward swung open, the vampire didn’t flinch. He’d heard Jacob making his way through the house, muttering to himself as he crossed the cold floors, and switching on the kettle on his way to partially brave the cool outdoors. The kettle was the only currently functioning facility that the house offered someone with human appetites.

Jacob leaned out of the window, staring off in to the woods with the same awe as Edward had. Edward felt a great weight lift off his chest. All of the time yesterday he’d been afraid that Jacob wouldn’t like the house, or wouldn’t be able to feel comfortable in it. Now he saw his own contentment echoed on the tall man’s face.

“Good morning.”

“Morning.”

“How are you holding up?”

“I’m good. You?”

“Yeah, fine.”

The noise of the forest stormed back in to claim the silence.

Edward was glad that they’d moved out here. It gave them the chance to forget what was happening, even just for a short while. It was all natural stillness and cold floors. It was beautiful.

Edward almost heard Jacob’s mind working, early morning making the cogs turn slower and more laboriously than usual. Jacob in this state was wonderfully and terrifyingly unguarded.

“How was…I mean it was alright, wasn’t it?” Edward smiled at the hesitation in Jacob’s voice. They were too old to be acting like uncertain post-virginal teenagers.

“Yeah. It was great.”

“Yeah.” Jacob didn’t turn away from the scenery, but Edward saw the smile on his lips.

“It’s amazing out here. It’s so quiet. You don’t notice it when you’re in the big house.”

“Aren’t mornings like this at your place?”

“No. I don’t know, maybe. Maybe it’s not the silence.”

“What could it be then?”

“You.” Jacob answered simply.

They continued to stare at the scenery. No matter how much he hoped that it would, the densely wooded forests couldn’t keep out their demons for long. Edward could feel Jacob starting to worry beside him. And it wasn’t even nine o’clock yet.

Jacob had turned his gaze away from the trees and was studying his entwined fingers. With every twist of his clasped hands, Edward could feel a part of his serenity come crashing down.

“Do you think we did the right thing?”

“What do you mean?”

“Staying here. In Forks. Do you think it was the right thing?”

Edward paused. No matter how much he thought about it, he couldn’t regret this morning, and wouldn’t have given it up for all the safe places in the world. But that’s not what Jacob needed to hear.

“Jacob, do you?”

The wolf was silent. Again the woods moved in to claim their rightful space between them, enforcing silence. Edward couldn’t help being reminded that the real world was still out there, trying to push its way into the life they’d lived for a brief few hours. They’d have time again when all this was over, but it wouldn’t be this. He knew that things were going to change, and he didn’t have enough self-worth to see the change working out well for him.

And just maybe that was okay.

 

*

 

They hadn't had enough time to figure out the best way to do this. They’d moved back up to the big household. As the time of his family's arrival drew closer, Edward grew more and more nervous, finally pushing Jacob out of the house and telling him to come back later. It was his job, and his alone, to tell his family about what had happened. He didn't want an audience. If he could do this on his own, maybe it would prove something.

Jacob disappeared into the woods without another word, returning the patience Edward had shown him when he was figuring things out. Edward had a right to try this his own way.

Edward sat completely still in the big house. He wished he could just be back in the cabin, with Jacob, curled up as they had been as the early morning sun filled their small room and heated his cold skin. He'd hated to remove himself from that haven, feeling that everything was changing against his wishes.

Everything was changing too fast, and it was too far beyond his control. It was impossible to forget the threat posed by the Quileutes. He'd lain awake for hours, watching the slow rise and fall of Jacob's chest. He'd enjoyed the eye of the storm, fool heartedly believing that the worst could be behind them.

Now he had to brave the tempest again.

At least Jacob smelled different to the way he had all those years ago. They wouldn't recognize it immediately. If he were lucky he would have enough time to pre-empt their questions.

He didn't want to think about how his family would react to the news. He didn't want to think about the next few hours at all.

The first car pulled up in the driveway and disappeared into the garage, closely followed on the road by two more.

Edward wished that he could fill his lungs, just to distract himself from the nervous energy pumping through him.  

Alice was the first through the door, bounding towards Edward with her usual energy and grace. Edward rose to embrace her, tuning out her enthusiastic thoughts. He'd forgotten what it was like to have his head full of other's thoughts.

Jasper was not far behind. He nodded at Edward as he put their bags down and came forward to greet him as well.

And then his daughter. Reneesme followed closely behind Jasper, looking almost exactly as she had when Edward had last seen her. Edward rushed forward to embrace her. Reneesme let him hug her, but as she pulled back she rested her hand against his cheek. Edward smiled at the rush of memories, as she showed him everything that he had been missing.

He missed her far more than he had realised.

Edward welcomed each person back into the house, one by one. Carlisle smiled warmly at him and clasped him close. Esme almost refused to let go. Emmett punched him in the arm and tried to take his feet out from under him. Rosalie approached cautiously, hugged him and then retreating. Edward fell back in step with his family easily. It was like a piece fitting into a machine, it just clicked. It was easy to forget the fifty years spent grieving and then sulking, when he was surrounded by laughter. Edward regretted what he had done to make them need to push him away. When they had all settled back into the house Edward was still trying to find the right moment.

Edward could tell that they all knew something was up. They were all thinking about it, thinking about the way the way the house smelled, and the new Edward, trying to figure out what had happened while their brother and son had been absent.

They were concerned, and Edward knew that it was within his power to set their minds at easy, but he still hesitated. They’d accepted much worse about him, he didn’t want to doubt that they would accept this.

Edward hovered around the living room, watching and waiting as people came and left. Slowly, as the moving in neared completion, each family member joined him. When they were finally settled down, there were still two missing. Edward couldn’t hear them throughout the house.

“What happened to the others?”

“Emmett and Jasper decided to go hunting. It was a long trip, and they weren’t serving our kind of snacks on the flight.”

Edward sighed in relief. His brothers were his greatest point of deliberation. The others he could cope with, but he worried about what they’d say, or what they’d do. With them out of the house, maybe he could take it in steps. Small ones.

Everyone was looking at him, mouths shut but minds buzzing with curiosity.

And he couldn’t do it. *

All bets were off the table. Edward had decided that the only reasonable option was to get Jacob and leave for Australia, that very day. It seemed like the only plan that made sense.

He had a perfect grasp on just how ridiculous he was being. He understood that it would only take a few words. His family loved him unconditionally.

So why was it so hard?

His brothers still hadn’t returned from their hunting trip, but Alice had seen them deciding to return, so it couldn’t be too long now. Rosalie had taken Reneesme out, hoping to see the others on their own hunting trip.

Edward had lost his grasp on the situation. His family were too worried about him to ask him directly and he was finding it increasingly difficult to bring up. He didn’t understand why Alice hadn’t seen it yet. He felt like he was going to say something eventually, and his seer sister should be able to see that future. But she hadn’t. So maybe he didn’t do it at all.

The only downfall of having a telepath and a psychic in the family was the inevitable self-fulfilling prophets-

Edward froze.

If his heart was still operating, it would have beating ten times faster than usually advised.

They all heard the sounds of Emmett and Jasper coming through the woods towards the house. And everyone heard that they weren’t alone.

Edward was the only one who recognised the scent of the visitor.

"Look who we found creeping about alone in the forest. It's the big bad wolf.” Emmett’s voice boomed as he entered the room, dragging Jacob in tow.

The Cullen’s looked around startled, trying to reconcile the new scent with the familiar face. Carlisle was the first to recover. Edward was starting to get frantic.

“Jacob. It has been a long time. You have not changed at all.”

“Exactly. I mean, this is strange right? I thought dogs were supposed to age like seven times faster than humans." The joke was good hearted, not meant to sting, but it cut Edward to the core.

What had he been afraid of again? Oh yeah. "Please, Emmett." Edward was grateful for Carlisle’s attempt to quiet Emmett, but it went unanswered. Emmett continued to blindly mock Jacob. It seemed that he was oblivious to Edward’s reaction. "No seriously. The pup doesn't look a _day_ older than when we left. What's his secret? Maybe he's born with it. Maybe it's Maybelline.” He laughed at his own dumb joke, not caring that no one else joined it. “So what are you doing around here Jacob?"

Jacob stared at Emmett for a while, and then turned to Edward. Edward frowned at him.

"You mean you haven't told them yet?"

"I haven't really had a chance yet."

"Not one chance in two hours. Right. Should I leave then?"

"No, Jacob, please stay. It is truly lovely to see you again. We just returned today." Esme cut in conversationally, smiling at Jacob and moving forward to usher him further into the house. Edward considered panicking but decided that it probably wasn’t the best option. Australia was still looking good though.

"Edward, can I have a word with you?" Carlisle had taken a step forward, addressing Edward directly. Trust his adopted father to be the first to realise that Edward was getting just a little bit distressed by what was happening. Edward took a deep breathe. It was truly now or never.

"Carlisle, there is really no way we can talk without the rest of the house hearing, and they need to know anyway." "What are you talking about Edward?"

“Yes, can somebody please tell us what’s going on? You’ve been edgy ever since we got here.” "Jacob and I...reconciled our differences." "We assumed that much from the lack of fighting and killing." Emmett said, completely oblivious to what Edward was trying to say.

“Fair assumption there. Very little fighting and killing. No killing at all, actually. And, actually, there has been a fair bit of… not fighting?”

“God Edward, shoot me now and put me out of my misery,” Jacob sighed dramatically. “I can’t take all the awkward.”

“Shut up, you’re not making this any easier.”

“Oh.”

They all turner towards Alice, who’s exclamation made her sound as if she’d just figured out the winning answer to a quiz show. She was staring at Edward in wide eyed amazement.

“No way.”

“What is it Alice?” asked a concerned family member. Edward was too focused on his sister to see which family member it was.

Alice stood in silent wonder for a second longer, seemingly irrelevant and unconnected facts fitting together in her head like a strange puzzle. Then a smile broke out across her features. Edward had no power to stop the answering sheepish smile on his own features.

“Okay, great, one down… the rest to go. I just came in to tell you that Jack called. They’re found out about Sam and they’re all coming here. Today. I think they want to help.”

Edward dragged his mind away from the supportive thoughts of his adopted sister rustling enough to focus on what Jacob was saying.

“No. They can’t come here.”

“I know that. But they’re insisting. I’ve stalled them for a while, but since they truly care they don’t want to take no for an answer.”

“They’ll have to.”

“Excuse me, are you their alpha?”

“Is there some trouble we should know about?” asked that concerned family member Edward had never gotten around to identifying. Or perhaps another concerned family member.

“Not right now. But I need to borrow Jacob in the other room, please.” Alice answered them, moving gracefully forward and grabbing Jacob’s arm. They moved away, leaving Edward to face the rest of his family alone.

He didn’t have time to worry about what embarrassing information Alice might be able to coax out of Jacob, he was faced by four concerned vampire relations.

“What is going on Edward?” asked Esme, reaching forward to place a comforting hand on Edward’s arm.

“Start from the start if that’s any easier.” Carlisle supplied. Edward tried to consider where exactly the start might be.

“Okay then. From the start. When I came back Jacob tried to kill me,” Edward felt Esme’s hand tighten slightly on his forearm but continued anyway. “Then decided against it. Then he came back and saved me from my own attempt to finish what he’d started. Then we became friends. Then we made out a few times. Now Sam, the old alpha from Jacob’s pack, turned out to be a homophobic jerk and is trying to run me-us out of town. So, basically, Jacob and I are… something.”

 

*

 

Jacob heard Edward’s attempts to explain to his family in the other room, but without much empathy. Edward had a family that would love him regardless, even if they didn’t understand. Alice was proof of that.

When Alice had pulled him aside, she’d said nothing about him and Edward, other than she knew what was going on between them.

“I don’t really get it. I can’t see it ever making much sense to…anyone really, but he’s happier than I’ve seen him in a very long time.” She’d said as she too half listened to Edward in the other room. “So remember, if you send him back where he was, you will have to deal with me.” She smiled at him, a smile that would have been pleasant if it didn’t show off just a bit too much tooth.

After that she’d insisted on knowing what was going on with the wolves. While she couldn’t see anything where his pack, or Jacob himself, was involved, Sam hadn’t been a wolf in so long that she could see futures where he was involved. Jacob had been surprised to know that that wolf power wore off.

Jacob had told her all that had happened between the older Sam and Edward, as well as his own run in with his former alpha. She had listened patiently, all the while smiling whenever Jacob would mention her brother affectionately. Jacob wouldn’t be surprised if he was blushing.

 _Well, love certainly does change people._ He thought, letting it slip through his mental defences. He heard Edward falter in the other room as the telepath picked up the thought.

After he had finished talking, he turned to listen to Alice.

“Sam has considered going to the Volturi. I don’t know what he’s going to say, since there is no crime, but all they need is an excuse, even if it’s not a good one. He hadn’t made a decision yet, so we may have time, but this could get pretty serious.

“The best option is still probably leaving. I know that you might not want to go, but in a way we’re powerless to stop Sam. We can’t kill him and he knows that. You say there’s no possibility of reasoning with him?”

Jacob shook his head. As much as he opposed the idea of leaving, he didn’t really see any other option. He suddenly understood why it was so easy to run vampires out of town in legends and fairy tales. All you needed was a pitchfork and a mob and you could kick up enough of a fuss to give them no other choice.

Jacob was about to agree with Alice when she seemed to space out. Jacob knew that she must be having some kind of vision, because she felt a little… vacant. It was more than just the way she looked, it was an actual feeling that made Jacob felt odd sitting next to her.

She recovered quickly and Jacob waited impatiently for her to clue him in.

“Okay, forget my suggestion. We don’t have time to go, Sam has decided to come now.”

“What’s he going to do?”

“I don’t know. My vision is still pretty hazy where he’s concerned. I think it’s an ultimatum.”

Jacob held back his worry but couldn’t keep his concern out of his thoughts. He needed to tell Edward, now.

He burst into the other room, Alice following him.

_Sam’s headed this way.._

Edward turned to him, looking resigned. Jacob understood what would happen if Sam walked into the hornets’ nest and started making threats again. The Cullen’s weren’t only ruled by their pact with the Quileutes, there were other laws to be abided.

_That’s not all._

Edward cocked an eyebrow.

_The pack is coming._

“What? How?”

“You’re thoughts inadvertently called your cavalry.” Jacob said aloud, indicating the full room of vampires. “Mine did the same.”

“How long until they get here?”

“About five minutes.”

Edward nodded, still frowning, and turned to Alice.

“How long until Sam gets here?”

“About the same.”

Jacob frowned at Alice. He’d expected her visions to give them a little more warning, he must have already been on the road when she saw him coming. Alice caught his look.

“I told you. Fuzzy.”

“Are you sure there’s nothing we can to do prevent it?” Carlisle asked.

Alice nodded. “It’s going to happen eventually. If not today, then tomorrow.”

“What do we do now?”

“We wait.”

 

*

 

Under the circumstances, Jacob was pretty calm. Considering he was about to watch an old friend and kind-of-boss get killed by a pack of bloodsucking vampires, one who happened to be his boyfriend, after just coming out to his family, he’d say he was very calm.

There was nothing they could do. Humans weren’t supposed to know about vampires, and Sam was threatening too much.

The minutes passed slowly. Jacob could feel the pack getting closer, but he couldn’t stop them. They’d latched on to his distress call and used it as a shield against his current orders. He was annoyed and proud that they’d somehow figured out how to do that,

A confrontation was unavoidable. Jacob wished that he could just tell Sam that he was being an unreasonable and stupid jerk. But he doubted that would do the trick.

Time was moving too slowly to grant them any relief in watching it pass. Tension in the room was increasing as seconds ticked by. To Jacob it felt like someone had fired two heat seeking missiles and thrown him into the line of fire. It was just a question of which would get to him first.

No one spoke. He didn’t know what they were all thinking about, and he didn’t envy Edward his insight. What a day.

Suddenly Edward stiffened. In response everybody in the room did likewise and turned towards him. Whatever he’d heard Jacob had yet to hear, but slowly each of the Cullen’s caught the sound and started to relax. Jacob kept his eye on Edward, who was looking at him likewise.

The first sound they heard was a small laugh. It sounded oddly like wind chimes. The door behind Jacob clicked open and he heard people coming inside.

As the two newcomers crossed the threshold into the tense atmosphere the laughter stopped.

“What did we miss?” asked a voice Jacob recognised as Rosalie. He felt his hackles rise, an unfortunate reaction leftover from a less pleasant time.

Edward shifted his gaze too look past Jacob. He smiled. Jacob was filled with an inexplicable urge to turn. It was so strong that it reminded him of when he’d been a beta under an alpha’s orders. Almost as if he would be crushed if he didn’t turn as soon as he could.

He turned.

He caught sight of a pair of familiar brown eyes.

And his entire world exploded in white light.


	26. Chapter 26

Everything shifted. Suddenly it wasn't the solid floor beneath his feet keeping him grounded. Everything was her.

So this is imprinting, Jacob thought.

And for a second, nothing else had ever mattered.

It was as if everything he had ever known had clicked out of alignment, leaving a perfect clarity in the wake of destruction. Everything else was torn down and rebuilt. This was the moment of pure blinding light that he'd been waiting for his entire life.

He stared at Reneesme. Jacob could see Bella in every aspect of her, in her eyes, in the smile resting lightly on her lips, in the sound of her voice. Everything that he had loved about Bella was standing in front of him.

Jacob could feel it all falling away. Everything that had held him to the world, to this life, all the ties that he'd had, they were gone. New strings wrapped themselves around him, linking him to her.

Barely a second had passed. Behind Jacob, Edward made a small noise of distress.

Jacob realised, too late to change anything, that Edward could hear exactly what he was feeling.

_No. Wrong._

Jacob could feel something else. A single chain, holding him back from whatever was happening. Thick and unbreakable, he knew that it held him to Edward. He clung to it, unwilling to give it up to the utter decimation of everything he knew.

_He loved..._

He hardly realized that his eyes had opened until Reneesme move slightly before them. In was a minute movement, barely enough to warrant the name, but suddenly he no longer saw Bella etched across her features. Suddenly it was Edward. A different dimension allowed Jacob to see what he had been blinded to. Suddenly he saw everything. Realized what was happening.

Somehow he managed to turn around, tearing his eyes from Reneesme. Edward was looking at him with undisguised horror. Jacob felt his own panic rise.

Disregarding his nature, knowing that the problems they had thought they were facing no longer mattered, Jacob somehow made it out of the door and into the woods.

 

*

 

The tree trunk shattered against his fist, leaving his mind no less cluttered and not helping to clear up the situation at all. Still, Jacob didn't question its efficiency when he turned to the next tree trunk.

What had he ever done to deserve this? Any of it. He'd never even lived, he didn't think he could owe life anything. But it kept throwing him lemons, and he had no sugar left to take the sting out.

Three more trees went the same way before Edward found him.

Neither man spoke. It seemed too difficult to know what to say. Cruel fate had well and truly given it her best. Whatever way you looked at it, they'd been screwed.

Jacob was furious, but he didn't know at who. At himself? It seemed to be the only option. He was cursed.

Jacob watched Edward standing completely still in the spot he'd materialized. His stone statue, hairline cracks laid open for the world to wear away. Edward had been punished enough, he didn't need this pain.

"Edward, I'm sorry."

"You can't be sorry, Jacob. You can't control it."

"But-"

"It wasn't Bella. I was wrong. It was Reneesme. She was the reason you were drawn to Bella. She was the reason you were drawn to me. It was always _her_." Edward's voice was barely more than a whisper. Jacob didn't know what to say in response.

He flinched as the tree next to Edward exploded. The man had struck it so fast that Jacob hasn't seen him move.

It was the only outward sign of what Edward was feeling, the shards of bark and leaves lying indistinguishable from the leaf litter below their feet.

"I won't ask you. You don't have to worry about that."

"Ask me what?"

"To break it. The imprint. I won't ask. I don't want you to."

Jacob stood in the damp of the forest, feeling the cool air soak into his shirt. Shock was probably soaking in to, but it was harder to feel.

Breaking the imprint. The thought hadn't occurred to him. Now it wouldn't leave him alone.

He watched Edward cast his broken hopes and fading memories away into the shadows of an empty house.

He couldn't leave Edward. He wouldn't just give up on the man he loved. He could change all of this. Fix it.

His heart ached at the prospect of a choice. A decision.

He had a choice.

Jacob walked swiftly towards Edward, giving him barely enough time to react as he invaded his personal space.

"I want to." He reassured the unmoving figure.

He leaned forward and rested his forehead against Edward's.

"I want to."

 

*

 

In a way, tragedy had been averted.

Jacob had imprinted on Reneesme.

It had torn his entire world apart, but it had knitted the wolf pack and the Cullen's together in a sacred bond. Sam had no grounds to fight with the vampires. He couldn't threaten them anymore.

He also didn't want to leave.

The old man was refuse entrance to the house on the basis of Alice's objections, but he was still sitting out in his car when Jacob and Edward returned.

The sound of the car door slamming set Jacob's teeth on edge. He didn't want to deal with this now. Sam was hurrying up behind him, and Jacob could almost smell the excited glint in his eye. Perfect.

"Jacob. Jacob!" Sam called out, halting Jacob's attempts to ignore him by reaching out to grab the back of his shirt. Jacob span around to face what had been his worst adversary only hours ago.

"What do you want Sam?"

"I heard the news. I felt it. I want to congratulate you."

"For what?" Jacob spat out, ashamed of Sam's enthusiastic happiness.

"On your imprint. Now you can put this...accident, behind you."

"What accident would that be?"

Sam faltered slightly at the threatening tone of Jacob's voice. He seemed to realize just how much Jacob towered over him, taking an uncertain step backwards.

"Come on Jake. Surely you can see now, how much of a fool you've been? This must have shown you how ridiculous your...relationship-with Edward was."

Jacob looked down at the old man. He suddenly seemed so small, so insignificant.

"I'm breaking it."

"What?" Sam demanded.

"The imprint. I'm going to break it."

Sam stared at him as if he'd gone completely bonkers. Jacob gave up and turned back to the house. He followed Edward inside, ignoring Sam's protests as the chief tailed him.

"It can't be done. Imprints can't be broken."

"They can if they're only partial imprints."

"Wha-There's no such thing."

"You really have no idea, do you?"

Jasper moved forward to apprehend Sam as he crossed the threshold, seemingly intent in upholding their lack of invitation. Sam waved him off.

"If this is wolf business, I think I have a right to be here."

Jasper looked at Edward questioningly. Whatever look Edward gave in return had his brother retracting his claws.

Jacob went back to his attempts to ignore the man, focussing on the expectedly full room in front of him. It wasn't just the vampires looking back at him. His pack had arrived and apparently been granted sanctuary within the house's walls.

They knew what had happened, and they knew about his decision. He turned first to the younger Sam, imploring him to do something about his relation. The boy nodded and took a step forward, pulling something from his jacket pocket. Jacob recognized the book that Harley had given the boys, ages ago. Good, he thought. It's about time the esteemed leader of their community had a history lesson.

Jacob turned next to Harley.

_Can it be done?_ he asked wordlessly.

"I don't know Jake. This is not like anything I've read. With a human, it would be different."

"But can it be done."

Harley thought hard for a moment. Jacob felt his hopes riding on the boy's extraordinary mind.

"I think so."

"How?"

"A-are you sure it's a partial?"

Jacob closed his eyes, feeling the inescapable pull. It felt like a magnetic force, pulling him physically towards the other end of the room. Check.

"Yes."

"The legends all say a similar sort of thing. Imprinting is a wolf thing."

"So what do I do to stop it?"

"You have to stop the wolf. Ri...God Jacob, you've got to rip the wolf from your soul."

Jacob felt his head spin, nausea hitting him hard. If Harley was saying what he thought he was saying...

Jacob swallowed heavily, taking a deep breath to steady himself.

"How?"

"The old stories won't work for you Jacob. They're all about people who haven't been wolves for a long time. It's different with you. You've been shifting for so long, it's so ingrained in you-so much a part of who you are, that you can't just separate it."

"But you said it was possible."

"There's only one way I can think of to do it."

"Tell me."

"What you want to do is not only different because _you're_ different. It's different because Edward isn't human anymore. I think that maybe a bite could tear the wolf from you."

Jacob stared at Harley, speechless. What he was saying was impossible.

"But Jacob, it would be extremely painful. You would have to wait out the agony, seeing if the bite would take, and there's a chance you'd be in pain for the rest of your existence. Fire and ice are incompatible. You'd have both running through your veins."

"What would happen to Reneesme if Jacob broke it?" A voice from the back of the room broke in. Rosalie stepped forward, addressing the space between Harley and Jacob. "Will she feel the same think Jacob does?"

"Please Rose, we're obviously not concerned about what Reneesme feels about all of this." The quiet voice emanated from the back of the room, near where Rosalie had moved from.

Reneesme's voice was small, and broke as she spoke for the first time. Jacob knew instantly that they'd been completely unfair. He'd tried not to consider what Reneesme would be feeling, tried to believe that he'd made the right choice. But something in that precious voice told him that he was hurting Reneesme with this decision.

"After all," Reneesme continued, still just as quietly and unsure. "It's not like she deserve to have a say."

With a saddening grace and repressed passion, Reneesme turned and walked out the door, disappearing much as Jacob had earlier.

Guilt consumed Jacob. He knew that he had to go after her, try to do what he could to fix this damned impossible problem. He couldn't just disregard her feelings.

He stopped Rose's attempt to follow her niece with a hand on her arm. She didn't like it, but she nodded and faded back into the group, frowning. Jacob stuck around just long enough to collect an answer to Rose's question from Harley, and then pursued Reneesme through the open door.

 

*

 

Unlike Jacob and Edward, Reneesme apparently didn't see the need to destroy nature in order to express her frustrations.

Jacob found her sitting on a fallen tree, hands lying in her lap. She didn't look distressed, merely lost in thought, but Jacob knew better than to sneak up on a distracted and emotionally compromised vampire hybrid.

He snapped a few twigs underfoot as he approached. Reneesme didn't look up.

Without a word, he seated himself next to her on the log. She still didn't look at him.

Reneesme reached across and placed her hand lightly on Jacob's forearm.

A foreign memory filled Jacob's vision, and suddenly he was seeing himself, from some strange angle. He watched himself strain over a table, frantically moving around something out of sight.

The vision suddenly ended. Jacob distantly remembered Edward saying something about Reneesme having a 'unique' method of communication. Some understatement.

Jacob realized exactly when that memory had come from. While Jacob hadn't seen the baby that night, decades ago, it seemed that the baby had seen him. Jacob suddenly understood why Reneesme had shown him that moment.

"You've known since then?"

"Yes. I'm sorry about my outburst."

Jacob ignored her apology.

"But how could you know for that long and never do anything? Say anything?"

"I don't know. It's just this urge, this need to wait or to do something. Sometimes it felt important, sometimes it didn't."

As much as he had imprinted on Renesmee, Renesmee had imprinted on him. She had known, her whole life, that one day she would find him again. She hadn’t even known his name. It was one distant memory, one blurry vision.

This had all gone so wrong, whatever way Jacob looked at it.

"How could you feel this way and be okay with everything? How can you be okay with me doing this to you?"

Reneesme moved her hand from Jacob’s arm and raised it to his face. She rested it lightly against his cheek.

Jacob was ready for it this time, but he didn’t recognise the memory he was being shown.

He was watching Edward through a mostly closed doorway. The man was mostly still, only a shiver along the line of his shoulders separated him from the non-living constancy of the rest of the room. Then the memory was over. Jacob understood. That was Edward during the fifty years he’d spent away from Forks. The sadness of the scene resonated deeply with Jacob. It wasn’t only Reneesme’s feelings that he felt. It was Edward’s to. It was etched so plainly into the blankness. Reneesme showed him how unhappy her father had been.

And that was truly hurting her. It was painful to feel, painful to watch what she had been forced to live through.

A second memory came to him. He recognised the entry of the Cullen household. Felt apprehension building as Reneesme passed through it. With a stunning clarity, her eyes alighted on her father. And saw that he was smiling. Amidst the confusion and relief, Jacob felt the intense happiness that came over the daughter when she witnessed the absence of her father’s suffering.

Reneesme took back her hand, folding them back into her lap.

"Being away from you never hurt. It just felt weird sometimes. It _hurt_ to watch him in so much pain. You change that. That's what I want for him."

Jacob looked down at his own hands. He’d only just met this girl. It was his fault that they were all in this mess, and there was no way he could fix everything. But she understood.

"I don't know what to do. How do I make this right for you?"

"I told you that being away from you felt strange."

"Yeah."

"There was like this feeling that I was missing something, like I'd forgotten. That feeling is gone now. I don't think it will come back if you break the imprint."

“I don't understand."

"I don't love you. Not yet. And if you break it, I don't think I ever will. Not like that."

"It's not going to hurt you. At all. Just me." One small comfort. She wouldn’t have to be in any pain. It wouldn’t affect her. In that way.

Reneesme nodded.

"I don't love you either you know. It's not like that."

Reneesme laughed. Jacob smiled.

"I know."

"I love him."

"He knows."

 

*

 

Jacob returned to the house alone. Reneesme still needed time. Time to try to figure this out on her own.

Edward would go out there and find her. He had to. It was his daughter out in the woods. Jacob knew that nothing he said would deter Edward from walking out there, and disappearing.

So he didn’t try as Edward stalked past him.

 

*

 

“Is this weird? This isn't normal.”

“Dad, you're a vampire, I'm half human, and he's a werewolf. Define normal.”

“I suppose you’re right.”

“It’s not normal, but that’s okay.”

“I love him.”

“He knows.”

 

*

 

“I don’t understand.”

They were all seated in various positions about the room, in lounges, in chairs brought in from other rooms, and even on the floor. The room seemed smaller completely occupied than it ever had empty.

Edwards and Reneesme had not yet returned. The house was filled with the hesitation and indecision of their vacancy. Nothing could be done until they returned. The way Jacob saw it, nothing could be done after they returned anyway. What Harley had said made no sense. They would have to find some other way.

“We all know that vampire venom is lethal to werewolves. A bite would kill me, not turn me and suppress the wolf.”

“You’re right.” Harley replied. He was sitting cross-legged in the centre of the room, an old book lying open in his lap, to which his eyes repeatedly strayed. “A bite would result in death for a werewolf.”

“Then I don’t know exactly what you’re suggesting.”

“For a werewolf, Jacob. The Quileutes are not werewolves.”

“Of course.” Alice exclaimed from the other side of the room. She stood, moving to join Jacob and Harley. “You wolves are not true werewolves.”

Jacob looked at the both of them incredulously. Knowing that Harley’s entire solution was based on the premise that the man who turned into a giant wolf sporadically was _not_ a werewolf was not making him feel any better.

“If we’re not wolves,” Jacob asked, humouring the two excited individuals before him. “Then what are we?”

“Well, you are wolves. But not true werewolves. You’re a shape shifter. You all turn into wolves because that was the shape chosen by your ancestors. It could just as easily be an eagle, or a bear. Not a wolf.”

“That’s convenient.” Emmett muttered from where he stood, arms crossed, against the far wall. It seemed that the vampire was still trying to catch up with what Edward had told him, so Jacob ignored him.

“Does that mean that the venom would act differently?”

“Maybe. The venom reacts with something in a wolf’s anatomy, something specific to werewolves. It is they who are our natural enemy. Not shape shifters. There is not much in our lore about shifters, but there is a chance that you will react differently.”

“So there is a chance that it will be enough to break the bond, a chance that I will survive, and a chance that I will escape eternal agony.”

“Yes.”

“Okay then.”

The inhabitants of the room shuffled uncomfortably. His words sounded too much like decision, and decision couldn’t be made yet. It was too soon, too rash. Too little was understood and too little felt right.

Jacob couldn’t wait. The morning had long since dissipated into pleasant memory, last night into darkness. He was losing Edward. Everything had changed without his knowledge and his chances to hold on to everything was slipping away with the ticking of the clock. They had reached the end, but he could not forgo the beginning.

“It has to be Edward.”

“I don’t know-”

“Actually, I think that Jacob is right.” Harley spoke up, cutting off Alice’s protests. “There is a chance that breaking the bond will cause some kind of…transference. It’s breaking a powerful physical and mental bond between the two individuals. Even a half or partial imprint. If it’s not Edward, I don’t know what could happen.”

Jacob nodded, and the room fell into silence.

There was nothing else to say. No more questions.

Jacob knew what he had to do, but was no more certain that it was the right choice or the right thing to do.

 

*

 

No thing stirred as Edward opened the door and let Reneesme inside. Edward already knew everything that had been said, every decision that had been made in his absence. It seemed so final. And yet he didn’t know if he could do what was being asked of him.

This wasn’t some killer in the darkened streets. This wasn’t a tainted being with thoughts as black as mud. This was Jacob. Human blood still ran through his veins.

He wanted more time, nothing could be done without him anyway. But he found it hard to ask for what he needed. What reason could he possibly have to delay?

Whatever he would try to do to make things better would only make something worse.

Things were hanging in a complicated balance, kept stable only by the belief that they had no other choice. No one was happy, but nor were they miserable.

He walked directly up to Carlisle. If there was one thing that he _could_ do, he would need Carlisle’s advice.

Jacob was next to him almost as soon as he reached his father.

“Are there any painkillers strong enough to help if we do this?”

Carlisle thought for only a fraction of a second.

“Jacob’s metabolism is too fast. He’ll burn anything out of his system before it even has a fraction of an effect.”

“Are you absolutely sure? Jacob could feel the effects of alcohol when given in a pure enough dose.”

“Really?”

“Actually…” Jacob interjected.

Edward turned to Jacob, surprised. Jacob’s memory of sobriety was news to him.

“You mean you weren’t even a little tipsy when…?”

“No.”

“Okay then. So there’s nothing we can do.”

 

*

 

“You don’t need to do anything. I can do this, Edward. I know what I’m doing.”

“No you don’t.” Edward hissed. “We don’t know what will happen. Right now all we have is theories and legends, and some hitherto unravelled trivia about the wolves. We don’t know anything for sure. Have you thought about this at all? Harley said that you have to _rip_ the wolf from your soul. This is not a decision to be taken lightly.”

“I’m not taking it lightly. I’m just trying to do the best I can.”

“The best for who?”

Jacob cocked his head to the side, taken aback by the question. Edward continued.

“It’s hardly the best for Nessa. It’s certainly not the best for you. It was never meant to be me Jacob.” Edward seemed to think for a minute. “I don’t want to do it.”

“What?”

“I won’t do it.”

“Edward.” Jacob tried to understand what Edward was saying. A single sentence had been enough to turn everything around on him. A single movement and Jacob was left standing alone. What would he do if Edward refused to turn him? What did Edward think he would achieve by leaving things the way they were? Jacob was being opposed by his most important ally.

“Jacob, I’ve caused enough trouble in your life. Enough pain. You stopped shifting just so you could kill me. I’ve ruined your chances of having a real life once before. I won’t do it again.”

“Do you really think that I’m going to be able to have a real life, Edward? After everything that has happened, do you really think that I would be able to forget how I feel about you? I told you that this mattered to me. That it was real. That hasn’t changed. If a normal life is the price I have to pay, I’m happy to pay it.”

“Whatever life you live, Jacob, it was never meant to be with me.”

Jacob stared at him, drowning in the uncertainty and heartbreak in the man’s soft voice.

The cottage was quiet. No sound reached them from the larger house, the barricade of condensed wood saving them from whatever noise pollution was probably not occurring.

Jacob hadn’t wanted to wait. There was no point in a delay and he insisted that no amount of time would be enough to crack his resolve.

But it had to be Edward, and Edward wanted to hesitate. He wanted hesitation.

He wanted Jacob to change his mind.

Jacob didn’t truly know this. But he suspected it and that knowledge made him feel almost sick.

Edward was angry at everything. At the situation. At himself. And at Jacob. Jacob knew that the self-loathing and deep seated sense of worthlessness had jumped at the first chance to drag themselves back into Edward’s life. His darkness had claws too.

Edward was angry at Jacob because he thought that Jacob was making the wrong choice.

But Jacob wasn’t going to change his mind. Not at the prospect of immense pain. Not at the signs of fear he saw in Edward’s eyes.

“Maybe you’re right,” Edward flinched at the determination in Jacob’s voice, but the motion quickly fell still as the vampire accepted his admission. “Maybe it should never have been the two of us. Maybe I haven’t made the right choice for me. But I wasn’t just thinking about me. And you know that.”

“I never asked you to make decisions for me. I don’t deserve consideration in this. Jacob,” Edward looked up imploringly, “I’m not worth it.”

“Maybe you’re not.” Jacob struggled with the words. He had to make Edward understand. “Maybe you, alone, are not worth it. Maybe no one would be worth this. But we are. You… you helped me pull myself out of the darkness. Out of the anger and the chaos. You helped me make myself better. And I like who I am with you. And I love you. So maybe you’re not worth it. Maybe nothing is. But I want to try. I don’t want to give up just because you don’t think you deserve a second chance.”

Edward was silent. Jacob moved across the room to join him on the couch. He sat close enough to feel the cold skin of Edward’s upper arm pressed against his own.

“The cold never bothered me much anyway.”

Edward smiled, but the sadness didn’t thaw from his eyes. Jacob didn’t know how to make it any better.

There was no army to defeat, no battle to win. There was no quick and easy solution, no way to just slay the dragon and win the lover. It would have been so much easier with a simple action sequence, a couple of punches, maybe even a stray bullet wound. All excitement and violence.

Those wounds healed.


	27. Chapter 27

Morning came too quickly. It impinged upon the little sleep that Jacob had been able to get with a few loud bangs on the door.

Bleary eyed, Jacob braved the cold to open the door. Edward lay completely still next to him, not moving as Jacob threw the quilts away from him. Jacob knew the vampire couldn’t be sleeping, but if he was going to pretend to peaceful, Jacob wasn’t going to disturb him.

Jacob almost cursed out loud when he saw who was waiting for him at the door to the cottage. The least his boyfriend could have done would have been to warn him.

The old man didn’t look happy. Jacob hadn’t expected his old alpha to be completely okay with the way things were turning out, but Sam didn’t really have a say in it. Turning up here in the early morning was overstepping a fair few boundaries.

But the door was already open and Jacob thought that he may as well get this over and done with. He sighed and moved aside, letting Sam into the house.

Just because he had accepted that this conversation was going to take place, didn’t mean that he was going to invite it. Instead of saying anything, Jacob went into the kitchen and switched on the kettle. It slowly whistled to life.

“Jacob,” Sam began, his tone too friendly and warm. “I was your alpha once. You trusted me. I know that I haven’t been as…accepting as I should have been. But I’m on your side. I’ve always been on your side. And I will try to understand. But I’m just asking you to wait. Give this sometime. There is no reason to rush. Let things cool down. You have to make this decision with a clear, level head.”

Jacob didn’t say anything. He was tired, and he couldn’t have this conversation just yet. He waited until the water had boiled and poured it between two cups. When he had finished making coffee, he handed one of the cups to Sam, who looked at him with surprise as he took it.

“You don’t have to make a choice right now. You won’t lose anything if you give it a day or two.”

“I’ll lose a day or two.”

“Jacob. Please listen to me.”

“I am listening. But I don’t see your point. What do you think will happen if I wait? Do you think that I will change my mind? That one of you will be able to convince me that I’m making the wrong choice? I’m far too deep to turn back now.”

Sam put his untouched coffee down on the counter. Jacob continued to drink his own.

“One of us? Clearly I’m not the only one who is thinking clearly in this.”

Jacob was suddenly glad that it was not Edward who had gotten the door. It made him uncomfortable to think that Edward was listening to them right now. He was almost sure that he had convinced Edward last night. Almost.

“I’m not changing my mind, Sam. You could give me a day, or a year, or a lifetime. I’m always going to choose him.”

Maybe it hadn’t been an easy choice. Maybe he had questioned it a little, when he knew how it would affect everyone. But he knew that he would make the same choice every time. He had too.

“You can’t. You can’t let him bite you, Jacob. It will break the truce. None of the Cullen’s can bite a human in this area.”

“Unless it’s consensual.”

“Even then, Jacob. It’s still against the terms of our ancient agreement.”

“That’s crap Sam. You gave Bella a choice.”

“Bella wasn’t a wolf!” The fatherly tone was gone from Sam’s voice. Jacob had been wondering how long it would last. “She wasn’t one of us. It’s different now.”

“No. No, it’s still my choice. If I want this, then you don’t get a say.”

Jacob could hear Edward stirring in the other room, and knew that he needed to get rid of Sam. He was worried that Sam’s objections would somehow be enough to confirm Edward’s reluctance.

“Sam I’m sorry, but you can’t change my mind. Nothing will change my mind about this. So please, just leave. Good day, or good bye, I guess. You don’t have to have anything to do with this.”

Sam turned furious, but he was completely powerless in the cramped space with a werewolf and a vampire. Sam had had no real power for a long time.

Jacob held the door open for him, briefly wondering how he’d even known that the cottage was here. It didn’t matter. Sam wouldn’t be back.

Jacob thought about going back to bed, but he knew that he would be unable to sleep. He walked back to the kitchen, pouring Sam’s cold coffee down the sink.

 

*

 

Jacob’s cry of pain died quickly on his lips as Edward’s fangs broke through his skin. Icy fire, so cold it burnt, radiated up his arm from just above his wrist. His eyes closed involuntarily in pain. He could barely make out the words passing above his head.

“…hasn’t hit his heart yet…”

“…will get much worse…”

“…I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…”

Jacob clung to the familiar sound of Edward’s choked voice. It broke through the screaming inferno of growing pain, reminding him of something… something… he knew…

 

*

 

Jacob could no longer feel the limits of his physical body, only unending fathoms of darkness and pain. Ice and fire chased each other through his veins, crawling over what could only by the torn remains of his skin. He tried to scream, to drown out the deafening drumming of his dying heart, but nothing he did made any noise. He could see nothing, but he could feel himself being thoroughly and methodically shredded. His fingers ached to claw at the place where his chest should be and drag his failing heart from it. Anything to end the torture. The never ending darkness.

 

*

 

He had a name. He knew that he had to have had a name once. But his mind was… ruined, and he no longer knew what it was. He’d belonged…to a person… to a name. Now he belonged only to this never ending nightmare.

Someone. A voice. A voice he knew. It didn’t say anything, mangled words falling from a cruel mouth, sounds that he no longer had the ability to comprehend. Everything was darkness, the flash of red and the burn of icy fire.

 

*

 

_Edward._

It had been Edward. Edward had… taken… saved… dragged Jacob from the depths once before. Edward would help him. Edward would know…how to help…

Who… who? No. No. No. All wrong.

There was no one there. No thin fingers to destroy innocent arm chairs. No soft lips humming calming lullabies against his. No golden eyes. Such things had never existed. Could not exist.

His faulty heart ticked on like a deranged clock as Jacob discovered the eternity of a single second.

 

*

 

Jacob had forgotten where he ended and agony began. He was pain, he was darkness and he was broken.

He was his own undoing.

There was no direction to push in. No way out. Never a way out. This was hell. This was forever. Solitary anguish racked whatever was left of his body. But for some reason he was still alive. Cold needles were being driven slowly into his heart, but it beat on. His entire body was infected with ice fractals, shards that dug into his flesh, melting only to reform again and again.

He had no idea how long he had been in this personal hell. Maybe it had been his whole life. He remembered something else, a lie, a dream maybe. A bite shaped scar on someone’s forearm. His? A girl’s. A faded and shadowy memory, a voice that spoke soundlessly out of the darkness.

The day must be ending. Only a day. Is that how long it had been? The pain was growing lesser. Time to sleep. To wait for tomorrow. Another day.

As the ice shreds receded once more, the darkness grew thicker, enveloping Jacob and he succumbed to his exhaustion.

 

*

 

It was only the memory of the pain that kept him from moving. The horrific clarity of it filled him with a terrible image of his own corpse, lying on the table of a house of horrors. Blood and mangled flesh. That was all he could be, after everything he had gone through.

Perhaps he had died. Then again, he didn’t think so. He didn’t feel dead. He didn’t feel much. Now and again shiver of anticipation would run like a live wire under his skin, telling him that the pain could never be far away, but nothing ever followed it.

 


	28. Chapter 28

Edward had never held his hand. Not really. It seemed like such a stupid thing to care about, but they'd never just held hands. He'd clasped Jacob's twisting fingers between his own, steadying himself against the man. He'd run his fingertips lightly against Jacob's, drawing abstract patterns across the wolf's skin. 

This was different. Edward had both his hands wrapped tightly around one of Jacob's, lying by the man's side. His fingers were threaded desperately through five others. There was no response to his grasp. Jacob's hand was completely still. 

This was wrong. This was clinical and empty. It reminded Edward of white hospital rooms. Of accidents and giving up. Holding a hand that couldn't hold his back.

Carlisle stood by the table. Jacob hadn't been placed on a bed. Just on a table. For easier access. Or something.

It had been five days since Jacob had gotten onto that table, laughing and smiling in an attempt to ease the tension. Five days since Edward had...

Five days without a single sign of life. 

They had expected to know something by now. They had expected some change. By now. But they'd seen nothing. 

Carlisle had been attempting to monitor him, but there was truly nothing to monitor. No changes to heart rate. No spikes in breathing patterns. No growth. No decay. No anything. 

Absolutely nothing. 

But Edward wasn't giving up. He'd almost given up on Jacob before, by not believing in him. He wouldn't make the same mistake again.   
  
  
*

  
  
"His heart is still beating, but it's slowing down. The drip is the only thing keeping his body from starving. If any change is occurring, it's happening too slowly for me to pick up."

Edward bent his head over where he still held Jacob's hand. Carlisle laid his hand on Edward's back, comforting his wayward son.

"Edward, it's been three weeks and he's slowly dying. We don't know what will happen when he does, but there is a large chance that he won't be coming back."

Edward shook his head slightly, screwing his eyes up against the threat of tears. He refused to let them come, refused to lose faith in Jacob. The man had come back from worse. He'd found his way back to Edward, even when Edward didn't want finding. He could do this one last thing, pull himself back from whatever precipice he was on and come back. Then they could finally rest. 

  
  
*

  
 "He's still not improving. If anything, he's getting worse. I'm sorry, but we have to be realistic about this."

  
  
*

  
  
"Edward, I don't think you should be in here anymore. Go out and sit with the others. They’re worried about you."

  
  
*

  
  
The black and white keys blurred in Edward's vision, as his fingers moved frenzied above them. Edward thought that one of them might have cracked, but didn’t pause to check. Someone in his family had tuned the piano and it sung out beautifully through the house. 

Jacob had given him this music, and it seemed that, unlike it had with Bella, the inspiration was not going to die with him.


	29. Chapter 29

He awoke to music. It filled the room, through the walls and into the corners. The melancholy tune waxed and waned, but it was enough to rouse Jacob from his sleep. He thought that he’d been asleep. Maybe he had died. Maybe was dead.

Though his eyes were open, Jacob couldn’t see the roof above him. He couldn’t see anything. He was too caught up in the music, in the doleful notes. He’d heard music like this before. It was sad, soft and slow, but there was something else. There was a hope beneath the notes. Desperate and almost broken, but it was there. He knew someone who had played with hope he didn’t think he deserved. Or he _had_ known them, a long time ago.

After a while, the music stopped. Or maybe it had never been playing in the first place. Maybe it existed somewhere within Jacob. He couldn’t feel anything else. He thought maybe his heart might be beating. But he couldn’t feel it. All he could feel was the music, sinking through his skin.

Slowly the roof came into focus. He could see the plain white plaster. He became aware that other things existed. The concept didn’t feel foreign to him. He’d known it before, or perhaps it was just so overwhelmingly obvious that it didn’t need to be known.

The rest of the room came into focus. And then went out of focus. Jacob was bewildered by it all. Everything was starting to make a strange sort of sense again. He began to remember things. Important things. He began to worry. He must have been out of it for a while but he had no idea how much time he’d spent in darkness and searing pain. He could hear movements in the other rooms of the house, but couldn’t tell whose movements they were. No one came into the room. The room itself was completely empty, no furniture at all. Why had he been left in a room to wake up alone?

Jacob wondered if he could sit up. He supposed it was possible. Why not? People did that. When their skin was actually intact and their flesh wasn't really torn from their bones. When they were whole. And Jacob thought he was whole. It had taken a while, but he had realised that the nightmare was just a nightmare. And it was over.

So he sat up. Twisted so that his legs were dangling over the edge of the table that he had been lying on. It felt alright, to move. Actually, it felt great. He wanted to move more. He wanted to walk out of this empty room and...

Ugh. There was something. Something important that he was trying to remember, but stayed just out of his reach. Something existed outside of this room. Should he try to find it?

Or perhaps nothing existed. Though his body appeared to be functioning very well, his mind was still hazy, this thoughts jumbled and unordered. Perhaps he had gone mad, cuckoo, somewhere back in the darkness. Perhaps he'd lost his mind.

Lost. Lost...something important. Someone. Back in the dark, or before that? Jacob didn't know.

He pushed off the table, falling to his feet. Standing appeared to be an achievable function. Good.

Jacob felt the world around him. Felt...everything. Had it always been this way for him? The...hearing...the seeing. The feeling. Everything inside his head was fuzzy, but out of it...the world existed in a stunning clarity.

His body seemed sound, even as he took a few short steps towards the door. The door got closer, as expected. The ground moved beneath him, but not in strange or worrying ways.

With a twist of his hand on the knob, the door opened. In a few more steps he was out of the room.

Other stuff did exist. The corridor he found himself in wasn't familiar, but it didn't seem to be threatening so Jacob padded along it. There were noises, in the corridor, but Jacob couldn't tell where they were coming from. Perhaps from behind one of the many doors that lined the hallway. He considered going through one of them, but then decided against it. It didn't seem right to go through _those_ doors, and besides, it seemed like the voices were coming from further along the corridor. So he continued walking.

As the noises grew louder, to the point where Jacob could almost distinguish words from the fray of sounds, so did the smell. Jacob wrinkled his nose as he smelt it. It wasn't that it was overtly disgusting, rather it was overly sweet, cloyingly so. It could be nice, it could be beautiful, if it weren’t so powerful.

Jacob tried to ignore it. It wasn’t important, somehow he knew it wasn’t important, even if he didn’t quite know what was.

He continued moving. He wasn’t sure if the corridor was long, or if he was just moving too slowly. There was too much detail to take it all in, and his mind could only comprehend a fraction of it all. The world was amazing.

He reached a door, and just knew that it was the right one. This was where he was supposed to be. He hesitated with his hand on the doorknob. He couldn’t remember what was behind the door. He couldn’t remember much of anything, but he was worried. What if it wasn’t something that he wanted to see? What if it was something he had been trying to escape by entering that nightmare? What was waiting for him? His brain groggily tried to keep up. He _knew_ , and yet he knew nothing about what he might be facing in mere seconds.

He pushed the door open. In a few short steps he was well into the room. He looked around. The voices had stopped, elsewhere in the house. Light filled the room, streaming through one of the large windows. It was morning, or maybe afternoon, but the sun was strong.

There was only one person in the room, sitting on a stool by a piano. As Jacob’s eyes adjusted to the strange and unnatural brightness, he tried to make the figure out.

By the time he could see again, the person was on his feet and had moved haltingly towards Jacob.

Jacob saw him.

And recognised his face.

_Edward._

In a fraction of a second, everything came rushing back. _Everything_. From the very beginning. It was too much too quickly. He felt his head spin at the sheer amount of memory, at everything. A whole lifetime’s worth of…everything. Jacob’s vision went black around the edges and suddenly he was falling to the ground, unsteady legs no longer enough to keep him standing.

As he fell, he breathed out a sigh, a single word.

“Edward.”

It was barely louder than the beat of a butterfly’s wing, but Edward heard and was beside him instantly.

Jacob looked up into the familiar face. It had been so long. How long had it been? Edward gazed back at him, relief and concern mingling in equal measure on his face. Jacob tried to smile weakly.

_I’m finally home_ , was his last thought before everything went black.

 

*

 

Jacob collapsed into Edward’s arms. His eyes fluttered open and closed tiredly. Edward stared down at him, taking in every single feature, every single motion. He had thought…He’d tried not to, but he’d thought that he might never see this again.

Jacob stopped opening his eyes, but Edward could hear his heart beating lightly. He was okay, just asleep.

The man was different. No one had known what to expect, but different had been a given. His heart was still beating, though unnaturally slowly. Perhaps it was just that Edward was used to hearing Jacob’s heart beat rapidly. But it had definitely changed. He was breathing too. His skin was colder than in had been, colder that human skin. But it was nowhere as cold as Edward’s. He seemed to be...in-between. Somewhere between where he had been and where Edward was. Edward didn’t ask what that meant. Even Carlisle would have no way of knowing.

When Edward had first seen him stumble int the room, unsure of whether he should go to him, it had been the eyes that had struck him. He realised then that he had been afraid of Jacob. Afraid of what he might become. But they were Jacob’s familiar eyes, and Edward couldn’t begin to comprehend how glad he was for it.

 

*

 

He awoke to music. It wasn’t the same as had been playing earlier, and it was much closer. He sat up, stretching out his arms. Eyes open, he scanned the room. There was still only one other person in it, but Jacob knew that others had been there. He could smell them, but not only that, he could sense them. All of his senses had clicked together and he was seeing the world in a way he had never seen it before.

Seeing Edward in a way he had never seen him before.

He stood as Edward stopped playing. He stepped forward hesitantly. How long had he been away? Had everything changed? Did Edward regret his decision? What had happened while he had been out of it?

Edward vanquished his thoughts as he rushed to Jacob and pulled him close. Suddenly, all of the ice running through Jacob’s veins, unnoticed since the pain had disappeared, rushed to the surface of his skin towards where it made contact with Edward’s. Jacob staggered forward, into Edward, the odd sensation causing his head to spin again. Blood rushed to his brain and he gasped. Instantly Edward let him go and stepped back.

Jacob’s eyes were blown wide open and he was staring at Edward with unadulterated awe.

It hadn’t been unpleasant, quite the opposite. It was almost like a direct hit of pleasure running straight through him. It made his head spin and his heart beat faster. It had been like an instant high, just what Jacob had imagined it would feel like to take drugs.

And it had been Edward.

Edward was looking worried, afraid that they had run into some unpleasant side effect of his change.

Jacob wrapped his arms around the vampire and hugged him tighter, savouring the sensation. It was amazing. Edward wound his arms back around Jacob and clung to him.

Neither man released the other. Jacob smiled into Edward’s neck, feeling like they had finally done it. They had beaten it, everything that had been going wrong since forever. Maybe it was finally all over.

The feeling of Edward’s lips on his skin was ten times more potent that the sensation of his touch. Jacob grew giddy with it, as Edward kissed his neck, kissed whatever part of his skin he could reach. Jacob knew that Edward could feel exactly what that was doing to him. He felt Edward in his mind, felt Edward’s presence there.

Jacob moaned softly as Edward kissed him. His eyes closed involuntarily as he tilted his head back, giving Edward better access.

Edward found Jacob’s lips and kissed him hard. Jacob smiled into the kiss, momentarily forgetting that anything else existed. Nothing else mattered, they’d made it through the worst. And they were both still here.

 


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went back and changed the last chapter slightly, because I contradicted myself a little. Sorry, but I do think that I've fixed it.
> 
> Also, final chapter! :)

Jacob released Edward and stepped back. There was nothing he wanted more than to stay in the man’s embrace for the rest of time, but he had to know what had happened. He’d become so used to the destruction of everything they touched, he found it difficult to believe that things could actually be okay. Edward’s smile reassured him, but he still needed the details.

Edward seemed to know what he wanted without him asking.

“Things didn’t go according to plan.”

“There wasn’t really a plan in the first place.”

Edward nodded, no longer smiling. Jacob could see how hard it had been for the vampire. He felt guilty. It had been his fault, his request that had forced that pain onto the man he loved. But he waited for the rest. Edward didn’t want his apology.

“You changed so slowly, we couldn’t tell whether it had actually worked. Harley was distraught. He thought he’d gotten it wrong.”

“How long was I unconscious for?”

“A little over a month.”

“A month?” Jacob exclaimed. The memory of the cruel darkness rushed back to him and he flinched. He remembered the searing heat and unbearable cold. It had felt like forever, but he hadn’t expected it to translate into more than a couple of days back in the real world.

Over a month.

“I’m so sorry. You all must have been so worried.”

“We were.” Edward chuckled softly. “It was terrifying.”

“Then why are you smiling?”

“Because it’s finally over.” Jacob knew how worried Edward had been for him. He was suddenly reminded of how Edward had been when he had returned to Forks. The broken man intent on ending his own existence. What would have happened if Jacob hadn’t come through this? Jacob shuddered at the thought. He set it aside. If everything was truly okay, he didn’t have to worry about that.

“What happened when I was out of it? With everyone else?”

“Sam didn’t come back. He took your suggestion and decided to have nothing to do with us. The pack was staying here. The moment you were first bitten-I think we should have known then that what we did would…suppress the wolf, because the moment my teeth broke your skin, you were no longer their alpha.”

Jacob’s eyebrows rose. He hadn’t been thinking about that, but if he wasn’t a wolf anymore, he clearly wouldn’t be the alpha. That was okay with him. The boys were strong enough to figure things out without him.

“Who’s the new alpha?”

“Well, that’s the strange thing. There is no new alpha. I expected Sam to be the alpha, if only because of his bloodline. But I was in their heads when it happened, and…it was shocking. There was no new alpha, just some sort of shared power between them. From what I could tell that’s never happened before.”

Jacob just nodded, shocked. There had never been a pack without an alpha. It screwed with pack dynamics, if they had no one to lead them.

But his pack had always been different. And so far, they’d proven their differences to be improvements. Jacob trusted them to make the most of this new development. He knew that they would be fantastic.

Maybe it had been him all along. Maybe it had been his impact, his choices that had causes this divergence from their legends. If it was, Jacob couldn’t be more proud of the group he had helped shape.

Jacob’s mind fluttered back to the most important question.

“What happened to me? Am I…?”

“Dead? A vampire? I don’t think so. You don’t feel thirsty, do you?”

Jacob thought for a minute, trying to pinpoint a feeling of hunger, or thirst. There was nothing. Not just was he not tempted by the idea of blood, but he didn’t feel any desire to eat food. He supposed they must have found some way to feed him over the month he’d been out of it, but surely he’d want some food now?

Apparently not.

“No. I feel like I don’t need anything.”

“It’s definitely different. You’re not a vampire, or a werewolf. But you’re not human anymore. Is that okay?”

“I haven’t been human for a long time, Edward. I wouldn’t know how it felt even if I was one. I chose this. Whatever I am, I’ll get used to it. Will I age?”

Edward looked at him, brow furrowed a little.

“I don’t think so. I think you’re still immortal. And you’re still strong. You’re like some mixture between all three things. Human, vampire and shape-shifter.”

“That’s what we thought would happen, right? Didn’t Harley say I would have both ice and fire in my veins?”

“Is that how it feels?”

“Yeah. But it’s not as bad as we thought. It’s not bad at all, actually.”

Jacob smiled to himself at the memory of exactly how it felt.

“There’s something else.” Edward began cautiously. Jacob grew instantly on edge. He had never wanted to hear that tone in Edward’s voice again. But he had to hear, so he gestured for Edward to continue.

“It didn’t happen right away. About a month in, something happened.” Edward seemed to be reluctant to put what it was into words. Was it something bad, or just something he didn’t know how Jacob would react to?

“The imprint broke. We didn’t recognise that it had happened exactly, until…one of the wolves…”

Jacob suddenly realised what Edward was getting at. One of the younger wolves had imprinted on Renemsee.

Jacob struggled with a mixture of emotions. Confusion seemed to be the easiest to deal with, so he focused on that.

His imprint had been broken, and he could only assume that Renesmee’s had been as well. It just seemed odd that she would be imprinted on a second time. By another wolf from the same pack.

“Who?”

“Kallem.”

Jacob smiled, through emotions still spun tumultuously in his chest. It made sense. A lot more sense than Jacob and Renesmee would have made.

Jacob didn’t think he felt jealousy. It wasn’t that. Maybe he was just grieving the loss of his own imprint. It was something that would fade, indeed it did fade anytime he looked at the man who stood in front of him now. He had everything that he wanted, and he was glad that it had worked out for Renesmee as well.

Jacob quieted the emotions he’d felt upon first hearing the news. Happiness was the only thing that settled in their place.

Edward sighed in relief. Jacob knew that he’d been worried about how the news would affect Jacob. Perhaps Edward had been concerned that an echo of the imprint still existed in Jacob. But it was gone, they had successfully broken it.

“So the imprint is completely broken, and it worked out for everyone. To echo your brother’s words ‘that’s pretty convenient’.”

“Yes. It is. But I’m not about to look a gift horse in the mouth.”

Jacob grinned back at Edward’s lopsided smile. He wouldn’t trade this unlikely set of circumstances for anything.

A thought suddenly popped into his head.

“If I’m not a wolf anymore, can you hear my thoughts?”

Edward shook his head. “I wasn’t sure whether I would be able to or not, but I still can’t. It’s possible that you still have enough of the wolf left to evade me, or that it was never a wolf thing. Either way, your head is still safe.”

Jacob sifted through the questions still buzzing around in his head. Most of them were not important, could wait until another time.

“How did your family take the news? I wasn’t really paying attention, everything happened so fast.”

Edward grimaced. “They took it okay. We’re all a bit old fashioned, and it was a bit of an ask for them to just accept it straight away. But they love me, and they care for you. I think that once they realised how far you were willing to go for me, it made it real for them. They’re okay with it. They’re happy that we’re happy.”

“Where is everyone?”

Edward looked down at his feet. “They’re not here.”

“I realised that. But they must be somewhere. I thought I heard something, but that may have been a dream.”

“It’s just us here…” Edward trailed off. Before Jacob could say anything, Edward began again. 

“I was so worried Jacob. I didn’t that that you would make it. I thought you were dead.”

Edward looked so vulnerable, so small that Jacob went to him, pulling him close. They stood together, Jacob’s long arms wrapped tightly around Edward’s frame.

“I’m here. I’m okay. We’re okay.” Jacob reassured softly. He felt Edward’s clenched shoulders soften in his arms. Edward reached around to hold Jacob to him.

Jacob relaxed. Everything was alright. Finally.

There was nothing left to worry about. No more dangers, or threats, or unwanted plot twists.

There had been a time when they had tried to destroy themselves. A time when they’d come close to destroying each other. But that time was over now, far behind them.

They’d moved on.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not really a huge fan of Twilight. I certainly never thought that I would be writing this kind of story about this pairing. But I was always intrigued, while reading the Twilight books, by some points of the story. That interest kind of grew and evolved into this 'what if' story. 
> 
> Thanks for reading the last chapter. I hope you enjoyed it and thank you for reading. I would love it if you would leave any comments, even if it's just pointing out where I missed the mark.


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